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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Ok, to all those people who say the other person is blameless I bet you'd feel different if I went and pursued your husbands - I'm single, so I have no moral obligation to anyone!?

    Anyway just a thought...
    What was the bet?

    I feel nothing towards the girl who relentlessly pursued my now ex-husband. 100% of the blame is on him, he engaged.

    She knew he was married and had two beautiful babies.

    She's not my concern, he was the only one with an obligation to me and our family. If she were a friend, it'd be different.

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  3. #82
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    i think the man who cheats is to blame and the woman who knowingly cheats with him is to blame also. Just because she doesn't know the wife or kids doesn't make a difference, or else any crime would be ok as long as we didn't know the person. Not knowing the person you are hurting doesn't make you blameless.

    There is NEVER a time when it is ok to have an affair with a married person in my opinion.

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  5. #83
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    I have a friend doing a married man. She tells her they are married only for their son but hate eachother etc pretty much just living together. I dont know if he just spins tjat to her so she continues to see him but I wish she would move on because he will never leave his wife anyway.

    I blame the person who is married more.. but the person who knowingly pursues a marries person is a piece of shiz too. Find someone single.. seriously! If someone persued my dh I would have to hold my fist back.

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    Firstly to me it doesn't matter if he's married or de facto.

    Then I believe the responsibility lies with person who has a commitment.
    So if someone with a family chose to have an affair with someone else the fault is on him.

    Yes I agree it's not overly graceful to have an affair with someone who is already committed but someone in love doesn't usually think straight. And god knows what the other person is saying about his family so she might feel she is the one and saving him from a terrible life.

    Bottom line is shame on a committed person with a family to go and have an affair.

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    I also blame Hollywood. I'm serious. The theme of so many movies and TV shows is that infidelity is ok if you think you have found 'the one'. And it perpetuates this idea that 'the one' will result in a relationship without difficulty or conflict. Which is very attractive if you're in a relationship that's going through a rocky patch.

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  11. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Ok, to all those people who say the other person is blameless I bet you'd feel different if I went and pursued your husbands - I'm single, so I have no moral obligation to anyone!?

    Anyway just a thought...
    DH has been pursued - so was I - and I never even think of being angry at the woman pursuing him.
    He's a great catch lol

    I would for sure feel differently if/when my DH cheats but that would be me transferring my anger to someone I don't love.

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    Oh, this is an old thread, but ok...

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    What was the bet?

    I feel nothing towards the girl who relentlessly pursued my now ex-husband. 100% of the blame is on him, he engaged.

    She knew he was married and had two beautiful babies.

    She's not my concern, he was the only one with an obligation to me and our family. If she were a friend, it'd be different.
    The question wasn't about how you feel about her, it was about whether she is blameless. You said yourself 'she knew he was married with two babies'.... So that makes her.... Blameless? I have trouble with that logic but ok no worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    DH has been pursued - so was I - and I never even think of being angry at the woman pursuing him.
    He's a great catch lol

    I would for sure feel differently if/when my DH cheats but that would be me transferring my anger to someone I don't love.
    You don't have yo love someone for them to knowingly hurt you??

    Anyway, Just to clarify, saying someone who knowingly has an affair with a married person is partly to blame is not the same as saying the cheating partner isn't fully to blame also....? Not sure how people are making that assumption?

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  14. #88
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    I know what you are saying @Fleetwood but to me the blame is 100% on the cheating partner 0% on the other person.

    But hey I'm French, we're pretty relaxed with all this!!

    ETA it goes to show how much Puritanism is well and alive on bubhub

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    ETA it goes to show how much Puritanism is well and alive on bubhub
    I don't think it's about that. It's about responsibility. My take is it doesn't matter if she's not your best mate or your sister, if she knows he's married yet enters into a relationship/s*x with him then she is partially responsible. It just seems so narcissistic to say oh well, I know he's married with a family, but who cares, it's not my fault.

    I'm with Fleetwood, I still think the partner should bear most of the responsibility but the person cheating with them should too. They don't cheat in a vacuum, their actions affect people just as the partners does. I don't have an issue with those that are cheated on not blaming the other woman. I'm only speaking from my view point. But I think we've become so selfish as a society where everything is about instant gratification at the expense of others.

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  17. #90
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    No it is never ok.

    If I found out a friend was knowingly having an affair with a married man I would see her in a different view....I would be questioning whether I really knew her.

    I would think she was being selfish and desperate, and be wondering where her morals went.

    The married man, I would consider an absolute dog who needed a kick in the nuts.



    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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