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  1. #31
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    I'm having a lot of trouble understanding how when a husband has an affair with another woman (or man) this third party is somehow to blame. They have made no vows etc, unlike the husband, who surely bears an actual moral responsibility towards his wife if he has in fact pledged to a monogamous relationship. Not so the third party, who has pledged nothing to no one.

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  3. #32
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    Simple- NO!

    He should leave his wife before even thinking of hooking up with someone else.
    I would feel awful cutting someone else's grass - how would I feel if someone slept with my hubby???

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    This.
    I also think the person in a relationship is 100% morally 'in the wrong' and the person they're cheating with bears absolutely no responsibility- maybe they show some questionable judgement in being with someone who is in a relationship but they actually don't owe anyone fidelity so in my eyes, they can't be viewed as the 'guilty party.'
    I'm sure many cheaters are despicable people, but I'm sure many more are just people who fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time, and were either too weak to not get involved, or rationalized it somehow. You can never know what's going on inside someone else's relationship, so I don't think it's fair to judge anyone but yourself and your own actions.
    I agree with FL. As I get older I realise life isn't black and white. Would I cheat with a married man? Not knowingly.

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    Both would be to blame - however as a 'wife' I'd feel my anger should be directed at my 'cheating husband' rather than the woman. He is the one who (in an assumed monogamous marriage) owes me fidelity - not the woman.

    Throughout the realisation of my exH's affair I spoke to my ex friend (who I spoke to at least 3 times a week on the phone beforehand - had been friends for over a decade) once. I questioned her as to what was going on and that was it. Every other emotion was directed solely towards my exH. He was the one who broke up our family ... Not her. I really don't like the woman - but I find it odd when the other party is blamed for a marriage failing due to an affair. For all I know she may have been one of many. I don't care. To me his actions are what ultimately broke us ... A woman can text, message, hound, flirt as much as she wants with a married man ... A secure, happy, loving husband won't take the bait. (And vice versa for married woman).
    Of course he is to blame! Who questions that?? But the thread is not about that, it's asking if the other person is morally wrong knowing they are with a married person. Thats why I and others are looking at it from that angle!

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Of course he is to blame! Who questions that?? But the thread is not about that, it's asking if the other person is morally wrong knowing they are with a married person. Thats why I and others are looking at it from that angle!
    Sorry I was explaining my perspective on why the woman is not really to blame .. Which was how the thread a veered a little.

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Of course he is to blame! Who questions that?? But the thread is not about that, it's asking if the other person is morally wrong knowing they are with a married person. Thats why I and others are looking at it from that angle!
    Sure. But the OP is asking for a moral judgement, and while it may often be unwise to have an affair with a married person is it actually wrong.

    As I see it, at adolescence we enter a sexual marketplace from which married persons willing withdraw. Should they decide to re-enter, is that the fault of others in the marketplace.

  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnC View Post
    Sure. But the OP is asking for a moral judgement, and while it may often be unwise to have an affair with a married person is it actually wrong.

    As I see it, at adolescence we enter a sexual marketplace from which married persons willing withdraw. Should they decide to re-enter, is that the fault of others in the marketplace.
    Move given my answer in the last pages, not going to keep repeating. I'm surprised at your logic on this one though John c but oh well it is perfectly fine if you think that way

  9. #38
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    No. It's NEVER okay. If they have kids I truly believe that women coming in to a marriage are vile humans.

    Every marriage goes through tough times and I think if a women makes herself a temptation at that time it is unacceptable. It preys on men in a vulnerable position. Same goes for men who make themselves available to married women. IMO people should support married couples through hard times rather than trying to drive a wedge between them.

    I say this as a person who has never been in that situation. I just find people like that horrible.

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  11. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnC View Post
    I'm having a lot of trouble understanding how when a husband has an affair with another woman (or man) this third party is somehow to blame. They have made no vows etc, unlike the husband, who surely bears an actual moral responsibility towards his wife if he has in fact pledged to a monogamous relationship. Not so the third party, who has pledged nothing to no one.
    I guess it depends on your morals. I personally would not enter knowingly into a "romantic" relationship with a married or attached person because while I have made no promises to their spouse or partner, it would be against my personal moral code to actively participate in something that could hurt them- they have done nothing to me, after all. It becomes even more complex when there are children involved. In my opinion, if a person wants to cheat, they should talk to their partner and either come to a willing agreement between them about a more open scenario or, more realistically for most, they should leave the relationship before moving on. In my experience, a relationship that ends due to infidelity when kids are involved results in years of distrust and hurt and makes for at times impossible co-parenting.

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  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    I guess it depends on your morals. I personally would not enter knowingly into a "romantic" relationship with a married or attached person because while I have made no promises to their spouse or partner, it would be against my personal moral code to actively participate in something that could hurt them- they have done nothing to me, after all.
    Having been the "victim" is such a situation, I hear what you're saying. But difficult as that was (particularly concerning custody arrangements for my daughter) I did not bear a grudge against the guy concerned. Life is complicated, and moral approbrium is more often a hinderance than a help in negotiating solutions to such interpersonal dilemmas.


 

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