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  1. #21
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    Ok, to all those people who say the other person is blameless I bet you'd feel different if I went and pursued your husbands - I'm single, so I have no moral obligation to anyone!?

    Anyway just a thought...
    Last edited by Ellewood; 25-04-2014 at 08:42.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Ok, to all those people who say the other person is blameless I bet you'd feel different if I went and pursued your husbands - I'm single, so I have no moral obligation to anyone!?

    Anyway just a thought...
    Not completely blameless, but definitely not at fault to the extent that people believe. You can pursue someone all you like, but if they're committed you're not going to get anywhere with it.

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  4. #23
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    No, never okay, and I lose respect for friends when I discover they're deliberately pursuing or sleeping with married men.

    i don't understand the notion that a person having an affair with a married man (or woman) bears no responsibility. Yes, the married person has the responsibility of being faithful, but I think other people have a moral responsibility to butt out and not try to break up relationships. I don't like the idea of going through life only thinking of yourself and what you want. If you want a married man, tough. Move on and focus on someone who's available.

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  6. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    Not completely blameless, but definitely not at fault to the extent that people believe.
    Well, I disagree. If a married man hit on me I would be pretty disgusted, due to the fact he is married. Morally, I'd feel it was wrong. And no matter what anyone else here says, if it were their husband/partner I am certain they'd think I was awful if I just said meh and slept with him anyway.

    Just my opinion, gotta run...

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  8. #25
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    Last edited by grooviechic35; 25-04-2014 at 11:07.

  9. #26
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    I think pursuing someone in a relationship is a poor choice, but that life isn't so black and white that it is unquestionably never okay.

    As others have said, the person in the relationship is the one with the moral obligation to their partner. I believe that if they want something or someone outside of their relationship, then they're morally obliged to discuss it with their partner.

    I'm sure there are plenty of ways that people justify it to themselves; the person obviously isn't in a happy relationship; if the partner doesn't know it won't hurt them etc. Whilst I don't think that's good enough, I also think that most people are generally doing their best. If I were to list all the things which I think are "not OK" on the same level, I'd be covering a hell of a lot of people. The issue to me is about a lack of respect - treating somebody as a means to an end, or ignoring their feelings in order to get what you want. Whilst that applies to cheating with someone's partner, it also applies many other things people do on a daily basis.

  10. #27
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    To answer the OP, I don't think it's okay. It's not something I could ever do.

  11. #28
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    Never ok! If the woman knows the man is married she shouldn't go there!

    I feel sorry for the women who get lied to and start a relationship with a man who they think is single. That can never end well, someone will always be upset at the end of that. It's certainly not the 'other woman' s fault but they usually get the blame....it's the mans fault! How do they seem to get away with it? And some get forgiven by their wives!

    The only other time I think it's ok (but not morally correct) is when the couple have an open relationship. I don't understand this as I married my DH to be with him and only him! But, people do choose to live this way and if they've both agreed to it then we can't question it. I personally wouldn't agree with it!

  12. #29
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    I can't see how it's ever ok. If a person is married (or in a committed relationship) then they are supposed to be committed to someone else. Why on earth would you want to get involved in the complexities that this type of relationship would bring anyway?!

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  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Well, I disagree. If a married man hit on me I would be pretty disgusted, due to the fact he is married. Morally, I'd feel it was wrong. And no matter what anyone else here says, if it were their husband/partner I am certain they'd think I was awful if I just said meh and slept with him anyway.

    Just my opinion, gotta run...
    Both would be to blame - however as a 'wife' I'd feel my anger should be directed at my 'cheating husband' rather than the woman. He is the one who (in an assumed monogamous marriage) owes me fidelity - not the woman.

    Throughout the realisation of my exH's affair I spoke to my ex friend (who I spoke to at least 3 times a week on the phone beforehand - had been friends for over a decade) once. I questioned her as to what was going on and that was it. Every other emotion was directed solely towards my exH. He was the one who broke up our family ... Not her. I really don't like the woman - but I find it odd when the other party is blamed for a marriage failing due to an affair. For all I know she may have been one of many. I don't care. To me his actions are what ultimately broke us ... A woman can text, message, hound, flirt as much as she wants with a married man ... A secure, happy, loving husband won't take the bait. (And vice versa for married woman).

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