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  1. #91
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    Maybe not as black and white as people think....

    I have a friend who is married and both her and he hubby have agreed AND take part in an open relationship. So maybe its not an affair, maybe he and his wife have the same agreement. .. just a thought.

    I just dont think you can say blank yes or no without knowing the details of the relationship.

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  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by MayoBean View Post
    Maybe not as black and white as people think....

    I have a friend who is married and both her and he hubby have agreed AND take part in an open relationship. So maybe its not an affair, maybe he and his wife have the same agreement. .. just a thought.

    I just dont think you can say blank yes or no without knowing the details of the relationship.

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    I get what you are saying Mayo, people do definitely have open relationships (not sure how successfully, they often seem to end very badly) but my question specifically ruled that senario out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't think it's about that. It's about responsibility. My take is it doesn't matter if she's not your best mate or your sister, if she knows he's married yet enters into a relationship/s*x with him then she is partially responsible. It just seems so narcissistic to say oh well, I know he's married with a family, but who cares, it's not my fault.

    I'm with Fleetwood, I still think the partner should bear most of the responsibility but the person cheating with them should too. They don't cheat in a vacuum, their actions affect people just as the partners does. I don't have an issue with those that are cheated on not blaming the other woman. I'm only speaking from my view point. But I think we've become so selfish as a society where everything is about instant gratification at the expense of others.
    Time for an amazon society!!

  4. #94
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    My Dad and Mum were married for 10yrs with 3 kids, it was then revealed that my dad was gay and had been having an affair with another married man. (Married 20yrs with 2 kids)

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    I just cannot understand how people think the other person (who is not in a committed relationship) is blameless?

    Really?

    Whether they know the wife/girlfriend or not! They played their part in the affair! If it were an emotional affair and the other woman had decent morals and said 'no' to the affair and a relationship and walked away, that husband would not have had the affair.

    I'm not saying the husband is not at fault, not at all, he has a responsibility to his family and he said the vows, so yes, he's to blame but how can anyone not feel the other woman has no blame?

    I'm so confused by this...

    The 'i don't give a **** attitude' people have these days just doesn't sit well with me.

    It's like a pp said about a stealing scenario... Just because you don't know the owner of the shop, does it mean if you steal from it you're not at fault?

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  7. #96
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    I can't help but feel like the unfaithful married partner is solely responsible for the impact of his/her affair on their own family...and, that the person they're having an affair with is responsible for the impact that it has on their own lives.

    I think it's the responsibility/job of the married partner to put the needs of their family first...and when they don't I see that as their sole responsibility...

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    I just cannot understand how people think the other person (who is not in a committed relationship) is blameless?

    Really?

    Whether they know the wife/girlfriend or not! They played their part in the affair! If it were an emotional affair and the other woman had decent morals and said 'no' to the affair and a relationship and walked away, that husband would not have had the affair.

    I'm not saying the husband is not at fault, not at all, he has a responsibility to his family and he said the vows, so yes, he's to blame but how can anyone not feel the other woman has no blame?

    I'm so confused by this...

    The 'i don't give a **** attitude' people have these days just doesn't sit well with me.

    It's like a pp said about a stealing scenario... Just because you don't know the owner of the shop, does it mean if you steal from it you're not at fault?
    Let's not forget that no one got forced in engaging in sexual activities. They are two willing adults.
    If the husband chose to pursue someone outside of his marriage yes it's 100% on him. Putting some blame on the other person is shifting some of the responsibility away from the husband.

  9. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    Let's not forget that no one got forced in engaging in sexual activities. They are two willing adults.
    Exactly! So in my eyes they are both to blame.

    I would NEVER pursue a married man, ever. Especially if there were kids involved. My morals steer me well clear of that scenario. (Plus I'm married now myself and know it would break me if it happened to me)

    Even if I did pursue a married man, and I found out it broke up his marriage, I would definitely feel guilty, I would expect the wife to hate me.

    Do you think there is a difference in a persons opinion of this if they have been in this situation (perhaps being the wife who was cheated on) and wether the married couple chose to rebuild their relationship as opposed to breaking up?

    Edit: Afterall, if you are staying in the relationship and trying to rebuild it, perhaps you would blame the other woman more, not necessarily to shift the blame but maybe to help find a reason as to why it happened and move on?

  10. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAgirl View Post
    If it were an emotional affair and the other woman had decent morals and said 'no' to the affair and a relationship and walked away, that husband would not have had the affair.
    But see in that particular scenario don't you think the husband is already at fault? Regardless of whether the affair was consumed or not? The woman is just a vehicle.

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  12. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I know what you are saying @Fleetwood but to me the blame is 100% on the cheating partner 0% on the other person.

    But hey I'm French, we're pretty relaxed with all this!!

    ETA it goes to show how much Puritanism is well and alive on bubhub
    With all due respect lilli, while you're entitled to your opinion, I have several French friends who would probably be offended by the notion the French are blase about the act knowingly deceiving another person.

    Its not about purity either, that's an odd statement. It's a question of morals. Sorry I sound so markup but I think I'm just so tired if this selfish attitude going around this country lately, this stuff everyone else attitude that as long as I have no obligations to anyone else then let them suffer. I'm feeling a bit nihilistic lately.

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