I'll,try and explain it but I'm typing on my phone so its hard.
What people refer to is statements like,making a cup of tea while baby is crying in a room alone is bad parenting or cruel,or what ever don't take into account:
1. Bub might be cold
2. But might have a poopy nappy
3. There's no schedule
4. There's no pre- nap or sleep routine
So yes putting down a baby who is cold, with a poppy nappy, who is overtired and has been put in their,cot with no warning they are being put to sleep, bub will definitely cry an emotional cry and it won't sleep in the time it takes to make a coffee, because
they technically did it wrong.
Tweaking it would be different, eg, bub is warm, clean nappy, you follow a pre sleep routine so bub knows what comes next, but won't sleep, because even though the recommended schedule says 2 hours awake time, but your bub actually can only deal with 1.5hours, that is tweaking to suit.
As you see, they are two completely different things.
9 pages of splitting hairs over whether 5, 10, 15 mins of protesting / crying is deemed CC or CIO.
Personally I don't think it really matters what you call it or how you define it because clearly everyone's line in the sand is drawn at a different point when it comes to sleep training or no sleep training and it's a polarising parenting choice that people will never fully agree on. Some people think a 5min protest is akin to abuse. Some people think a 5min grizzle is acceptable but a 10-15min cry is not acceptable and some people feel 20+ mins of protesting is within their comfort level... so who's right and who's wrong!?!? There are babies out there right now that are screaming until they are black and blue in the face because their mum is busy in the next room smoking a b*ng or shooting up too out of it to attend their baby, who's attentiveness to her babies needs are so inconsistent the baby doesn't know when it will next be fed or held or bathed. Those are the babies who suffer the ill effects of true attachment disorder. I really think it is important to keep a little perspective, for SOS babies like my own and VP's who have caregivers who otherwise meet their babies needs, cuddle them, kiss them, bath them, feed them, make eye contact with them, play with them, laugh with them, tickle them, comfort them, love them.... teaching them to self settle has not been a detriment to our bond with our babies. I for one don't feel I missed out on anything, there were still plenty of hours in the day to kiss and cuddle my baby without having to always (try) to nurse him to sleep and we have a beautiful attachment.
My DS thrived as soon as I implemented her routines, sufficient sleep for optimal development, he was a much happier baby and we functioned so much better as a family.
OP, the only way to know if SOS will work for you is to try it, if you aren't comfortable with self settling techniques in the book, use different ones but the key is to use them alongside a routine so you can ensure bubs is not under tired or over tired when you put him to sleep and this will hopefully eliminate as much protesting as possible.
Eta: most routines, even the most gentle are about giving a baby an opportunity to fall asleep on their own and letting them grumble a bit as often they are just trying to fall asleep and if you leave them alone they will.
I know sometimes DS is in a light sleep grizzling away, trying to transition to a deeper sleep and if I go in I'll wake him properly which then leads to a sad baby.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 22-04-2014 at 17:50.
I'm curious if any parents who have implemented SOS have read any research studies or books like 'what every parent needs to know' that document the long term damage that can be done to babies brains when they are left to cry. It has been linked with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses. Essentially due to the brain being flooded with cortisol (stress hormone). Alternatively when babies are cuddled to sleep their brains are flooded with dopamine, oxytocin and other bonding hormones that have relaxation properties. This is the information that stops me short of using SOS or CC for my kids.
ah no, just to be clear, the baby may have pood after you put it down (it foes happen) maybe the room feels ok to you but your baby either is too warm or cold.
My point is, there are a lot of things that you need to note, do, be aware of, set up etc, before getting bub into their cot and without doing them, baby is more likely to have an emotional cry than a winge and isn't likely to self settle.
As I said I'm on my phone and a little time poor, so I don't have time to cover everything else that needs to be done to help the process (my4 points were just examples, not a complete list.) but I'm sure you get my point, whether you admit it or not.
To answer your question: I haven't read any studies just a few articles here and there. I am not arguing against you on this point: I agree. I do believe that letting a bub cry and cry would cause some issues for the bub.
Here's the clincher: The routine worked fine with my DS to the point where apart from a little grizzlng in the first few days he never had to cry for a feed or to go to sleep. Come to think of it, DS1 probably cried less than many SOS babies who have trouble settling and sleeping through the night (not saying all non SOS babies have these problems) .
That's what the biased naysayers don't get. If the routine works well for a bub then they shouldn't be crying and crying ...
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