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  1. #1
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    Default My parents 'know best'

    Grrrr, I'm. So sick to death of my dad's comments about our parenting and lifestyle. He's so old fashioned!

    he asks me this morning, so when are you going to toilet train 25 month old DD. I said, I don't know but, she's not ready yet (she still has a wet and usually poopy nappy every morning, she's not in a bed and also isn't ready to, she doesn't talk much or use words to express what she wants, plus she is happy to sit in a poopy nappy for half an hour or so - happened recently when we went out and I forgot her nappies). But he bangs on about how she is ready but doesn't say why.

    We went to pick her up today and I see print outs of how to toilet train! And while there he also comments on how 'he's never known of any parent who spends more on themselves than their child', when we mentioned not buying our next child so many toys.

    I let it roll of my back, but I have had the same handbag for the last 3 years, I have about two pairs of shoes that I wear until they get holes in them and don't really buy clothes unless I'm pregnant, like now, or have a need. We rarely go out for dinner (or out at all at night), but we also don't like spending money on material things for DD as we don't want her to associate material things with love, our time and our love and food, clothes, water and a roof over her head is what she needs and she gets plenty in excess!

    Yet we we tell him not to give her foods she is intolerant to or allergic to and he fobs it off, like she should be able to eat everything, or she's missing out even though dairy products upset her stomach something shocking and could go into anaphylaxis if she eats something she's allergic to, because we just would have to give her ice to treat it!!!?

    im sooooooo sick of the judgement. It's hard enough being a parent, I already doubt myself on some things, I don't need his judgement. I'm 31 for Christ sake, I think I know my daughter better than anyone else. She's healthy, not being neglected or abused, so just leave me alone!!!

  2. #2
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    Hugs! My issues with my parents aren't as bad as yours but I can sympathize. We're in the process of weaning our almost 14 mo off her last bottle. Tonight my mum poured her bottle and I said "just 50mL" and she said "oh that's so cruel, it's Easter, give her a treat" and I said "mum she just ate the hugest bowl of chicken and veggies, she absolutely doesn't need a massive bottle of milk, she's not hungry or thirsty" and she poured 150mL and warmed it up and I said "she's not used to that much cows milk, you'll give her a sore tummy" so she poured 50mL out and gave her 100mL. I'm not being cruel, it is for her speech and dental development, I'm so sick of repeating this to her!!

    She was also pretty much begging me to let her buy her a custard tart or hot cross bun today, I said "while she's happy to just have fruit when we're having cake, that's what she'll have" and she got all grumpy at me.

    Tonight I said "you've always told me that 'mother knows best' and I'm the mother, so shhhhhh" haha! Sorry this turned into my own vent, but you're not alone!

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JR03 For This Useful Post:

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    Hugs! My issues with my parents aren't as bad as yours but I can sympathize. We're in the process of weaning our almost 14 mo off her last bottle. Tonight my mum poured her bottle and I said "just 50mL" and she said "oh that's so cruel, it's Easter, give her a treat" and I said "mum she just ate the hugest bowl of chicken and veggies, she absolutely doesn't need a massive bottle of milk, she's not hungry or thirsty" and she poured 150mL and warmed it up and I said "she's not used to that much cows milk, you'll give her a sore tummy" so she poured 50mL out and gave her 100mL. I'm not being cruel, it is for her speech and dental development, I'm so sick of repeating this to her!!

    She was also pretty much begging me to let her buy her a custard tart or hot cross bun today, I said "while she's happy to just have fruit when we're having cake, that's what she'll have" and she got all grumpy at me.

    Tonight I said "you've always told me that 'mother knows best' and I'm the mother, so shhhhhh" haha! Sorry this turned into my own vent, but you're not alone!
    Haha, that's ok, my thread really was a vent too. Once this next bub comes along, he can't keep claiming he has more experience or knows best as we will have two children, just like he has two (myself and my brother).

    i just don't get why different is always bad. Just because I'm doing things differently to how he did with us or does with DD doesn't make it bad.

    and yes what is with grandparents and junk food! As you say if they're happy having fruit, just leave them be.

    i just know on Easter Day he will tell me we are cruel not giving her chocolate and she's missing out and she deserves a treat, sorry but screaming in pain for the next three days from a dairy intolerance isn't my idea of a treat!!!

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    I'd be putting my foot down. Tell him you are the parent, not him, and it's not up to him to decide how your child will be raised. If she's not ready to toilet train he will be sending her backwards by trying to force her and as she is not his child it is completely inappropriate for him to be attempting to toilet train her against your wishes.
    More importantly, I would never leave my child alone with someone who was going to give him food that he is allergic to. DS doesn't have any allergies that I know of but if I've said he can't have something, well as his parent I expect to be respected and listened to. If your dad can't do that, especially when he could go into anaphylaxis, I'd be seriously ****ed and he would know it. And I'd refuse to allow him near my child.

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    Oh i feel your pain and frustration!! This is my parents too. I won't go into detail, but yeah the last if inappropriat-ness is long. And im often left feeling deflated. I totally understand how undermined you feel, and what that does to my confidence as a parent makes me so sad. I lost my crap at my mother the other week, it felt good, and I feel they've backed off a bit. Actually my sis told me my dad had said to mum 'think we should back off'. Lets see how long it will last!! So I don't know my advice, but maybe lose your ****, get it all out in the open, stand your ground and give him a bright neon boundary he can't miss. At the end of the day, it's the kids that wear all the dysfunction, do it for them. It's hard, or move far away!! . All the best xxx

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    I understand how you feel. My own mother-in-law was a bit like that when my daughter was born (though not to the extent of giving me printouts of how to potty train my baby, thank God!). She did pester on and on about certain things though, like how disposable diapers are bad for my baby and will end up in her breaking out in rashes and all and all; but since we visited her only during the holidays so I could pretty much have my way the rest of the year.


 

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