+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    86
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0

    Default Problem inlaws

    So this is more of a rant than anything, but are all inlaws a pain in the butt or just mine?
    My mother in law lives twenty minutes away, but I swear she's at our house more often then not. My partner works away for weeks at a time and only gets to come home for the weeks every so often, I get she misses him too but the weekend he's home she turns up Saturday morning and stays all day, invites herself to stay the night and leaves basically when he does. She's here all week and despite being told repeatedly my 2 year olds nap time, she turns up 15 minutes before so obviously DD doesn't want to go to bed. When I finally put her down 1-2 hours later she makes snide remarks about it. I said to her yesterday after it being the fourth day in a row she's came at that time, 'it's probably best you didn't turn up right on nap time' as DD was throwing the biggest tantrum coz she didn't want to sleep and then she said nastily about it not being convenient for us. She just randomly turns up at our house and if we're not home calls us all angry and expects me to run home, or angry that the house is locked. She's asked for a spare key so she can let herself in and she's also rang me while out to lunch with a few other mums and their kids and wanted to come get my house key and let herself in.
    she also reeks of cigarettes. I mean she'll sit in our driveway in her car, door and windows shut and smoke for 10 minutes before she walks inside and it chokes me up! DP has told her repeatedly not to come near our two girls when she smells like that and it's like she doesn't care! And she scares me so I feel too rude saying anything but it p!sses me off so much! You never know how she's going to react to something that's said though. And her mouth. She's got the mouth of a trucker, even says the f and c word around my two year old and I hate it and have mentioned to her not too. My two year old is a parrot and already picked up saying a few of the more common swear words so I'm sure the rest aren't too far off.
    my teenage brother in law randomly turns up at our house at all hour, Friday night he turned up at 10:30 with a group of drunk friends and wanted to stay the night.
    My sister in law is amazing though and same with my father in law. It's mostly just the other two haha

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,555
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    559
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Well its up to your DH to set some boundaries with your MIL, because it sounds like she has none.

    My MIL behaved in a similar fashion to yours, inviting herself over, wanting a key to our home (over my dead body!) and in the end we ended up relocating 2.5 hours away. The pop in visits don't happen any more and if her number flashes up on my phone I just don't answer it!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    1,391
    Thanks
    812
    Thanked
    688
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    You need to get your DH to say something to her. She is his mother not yours. Have him tell her that she needs to call and let you know when she wants to come over so you have a chance to say no if it's a bad time (like right before nap time). If she doesn't listen and turns up unannounced, just don't answer the door. If she shows up at your house smelling like smoke, don't let her in. You should not be letting her around your kids when she's been smoking, the smoke hanging around on her clothes is just as bad for them as inhaling second hand smoke. You are clearly not comfortable with it and your husband has already told her not to, so now you need to take action to make sure she knows it's not a joke. Close the door in her face. Don't worry about being rude. She is being rude to you and clearly has no respect so why bother being polite to her?

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to DarcyJ For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (15-04-2014),Meld85  (16-04-2014),Serenity Love  (15-04-2014)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    4,589
    Thanks
    1,303
    Thanked
    2,569
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by DarcyJ View Post
    You need to get your DH to say something to her. She is his mother not yours. Have him tell her that she needs to call and let you know when she wants to come over so you have a chance to say no if it's a bad time (like right before nap time). If she doesn't listen and turns up unannounced, just don't answer the door. If she shows up at your house smelling like smoke, don't let her in. You should not be letting her around your kids when she's been smoking, the smoke hanging around on her clothes is just as bad for them as inhaling second hand smoke. You are clearly not comfortable with it and your husband has already told her not to, so now you need to take action to make sure she knows it's not a joke. Close the door in her face. Don't worry about being rude. She is being rude to you and clearly has no respect so why bother being polite to her?
    This!

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,221
    Thanks
    1,169
    Thanked
    668
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    She sounds like a shocker. Your DH needs to put his foot down. Why does she want to be let into your house all the time? My god i wouldn't be able to stand it.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    86
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    She's told him before I need to grow some balls so I kinda think she might do it to provoke me.
    She scares the absolute sh!t out of me, I never know how she'll react to what is said to her, she's had some serious health problems the last few years and was a bit crazy for awhile, didn't know left from right and although she's clean and sorting herself out now I'm pretty sure she lost a few screws along the way.
    we get married soon so I sorta feel I need to keep the peace for another month or so and then I won't care but I don't think I could cause a massive drama just yet.
    Hes told her countless times she can't just show up and needs to let us know etc, and about the smoking. He's not too phased about the swearing coz he grew up like it but I'm not comfortable. If my kids didn't hear it I wouldn't care but it's not something I want my two year old saying.

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Central Coast, NSW
    Posts
    351
    Thanks
    152
    Thanked
    177
    Reviews
    0
    That's full on, I agree with pp, you need to get hubby to put his foot down. It's not fair on you or your little ones!


    He + Me, in October there'll be 3 <3

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,221
    Thanks
    1,169
    Thanked
    668
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yeah it sounds like she see's you as a push over. Maybe she's trying to provoke you, or maybe she is just using it to her advantage and doing what the hell she likes knowing you're too intimidated to say anything.

    Id hate to be in your shoes. I put my inlaws back in their place a long time ago .. and now i have very ,limited to do with them (i send DS off with DH for visits. I don't bother going)

    Your DH mustn't be putting his foot down firm enough if she thinks she can keep doing this. Its ridiculous you're having to put up with this crap.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    She will keep doing this as long as you allow it. After the wedding pick the fight and have it. Set the boundaries and don't budge. Stop answering the phone. For like days. Don't let her in and shut the door if she hadn't called first. Like I said have the fight, be strong or move away. Do it on a week when DH is home. Better still don't tell her when he's coming home.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to lilypily For This Useful Post:

    Chillies  (16-04-2014)

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    1,256
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked
    368
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It is your partner's job to deal with his parents.

    I would not be marrying him until he sorts this out because this problem is not going to go away until he steps in and deals with it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Do you treat your inlaws the same as your parents?
    By MeeG in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 18-02-2014, 13:17
  2. Leaving kids with inlaws
    By *Chels* in forum General Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 12-01-2014, 14:08
  3. Upset with inlaws...
    By Lolakitty in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 28-07-2013, 11:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
LCF Fun Languages Australia
We offer foreign language lessons for children 2-12 yrs in French, Spanish, Mandarin, Italian or German as after-school and preschool clubs or private language tuition. This is play-based, full immersion language learning with proven results!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!