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  1. #21
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    You said that they make u feel bad tho? If you were totally fine with everything why would others trying to one up you make u feel bad?

    Sorry if ive offended you!

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    Because its been over ten years of it! And no it's not just the FB it's in conversations eg. cutting remarks, or actual invalidation.

    Yes, at this point I'm a bit over it as I've noticed it more and more over time and I don't see it as my issue, simply because I'm annoyed/upset by it. And I don't have the same issue with anyone else, because they don't treat me that way!

    They are competitive people, over everything, it's tiring, and it's not my own issue!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post

    Sorry if ive offended you!
    You didn't offend me at all ZE! I just don't agree it's my issue though I really don't. I would own it if it was.

  4. #24
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    I probably misunderstood part of the situation.

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    I'd say it says more about them than you... I wouldn't take it personally.

    Just from another perspective, I'm a perfectionist. I suffer pretty bad anxiety and having everything in my life as close to "perfect" as I can reduces my anxiety but it's an exhausting way to live. My house is clean, hair, make up, clothes, nails, kids immaculate.... I'm aware I rub some other mums the wrong way because of my need to be perfect but those that know me know I don't do it to run anyone else down just to reduce my own anxiety. Having everything "just right" and organised is sort of like my armour, it helps me feel in control and reduces my anxiety.

    In my experience most people are caught up in themselves and do things mainly for their own benefit or interests and not with the intention of hurting others or even thinking about how their actions or words may even affect others. I'd say her competitive nature probably stems more from her own insecurities rather than any need to get one up on you....

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    I really just need to keep telling myself that I think. I do take it personally at this point because I noticed they don't do it to anyone else and in my family members case they actually go to efforts to be extra nice/complimentary to my siblings and reserve the competitiveness for me.

    For example: I've been working on a particular new project this year and I'm making good headway. My other friends ask how im going with it and say things like 'that's awesome!'. These two people don't ask, and if it comes up, stay silent or just say 'hmm'. I just feel crap around these people at this point.

    Oh well, I suppose I need to try harder at this point not o let it get to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    I really just need to keep telling myself that I think. I do take it personally at this point because I noticed they don't do it to anyone else and in my family members case they actually go to efforts to be extra nice/complimentary to my siblings and reserve the competitiveness for me.

    For example: I've been working on a particular new project this year and I'm making good headway. My other friends ask how im going with it and say things like 'that's awesome!'. These two people don't ask, and if it comes up, stay silent or just say 'hmm'. I just feel crap around these people at this point.

    Oh well, I suppose I need to try harder at this point not o let it get to me.
    I have a family member who is exactly the same as this! When I got a new car, nothing. But I had to hear all about her new (much more expensive than mine) car when she got it. And always saying comments like; When I was feeding my first daughter with a happy baby (cheapo) bottle she said "I'd never use cheap bottles to feed my daughter" she wasn't saying it to me but it was clearly directed at me iykwim.
    Everyone always brushes off her behaviour because "it's just what she's like" but I've gotten sick of it recently so I just decided not to make an effort and she hasn't made an effort either and god I feel so much better not having her in my life!!

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    It's a tough lesson to learn but at the end of the day you can't change others, only yourself, how you see things and your reaction.

    If you can't ignore it just chose to look at it differently (like she must be really insecure) and remember most people act in certain ways for personal reasons.. And it's no reflection on you as a person what so ever.

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    I understand exactly how you feel, I have a family member that does exactly the same to me. Everything in mine and my families life seems irrelevant to the point where the conversation be it real life, Facebook or texts actually stop if the conversation moves away from them and whatever the current perceived drama is. It is infuriating and makes me feel so uninteresting so now I just smile, nod and agree and don't talk about myself or the kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post
    It's a tough lesson to learn but at the end of the day you can't change others, only yourself, how you see things and your reaction.

    If you can't ignore it just chose to look at it differently (like she must be really insecure) and remember most people act in certain ways for personal reasons.. And it's no reflection on you as a person what so ever.
    So you think it's not advisable to lean over the table and stick needles in their eyes?

    Its become more and more difficult to ignore it but I know you're right.... Thanks.


 

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