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  1. #1
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    Default Dealing with tantrums in 17 mo?

    DS is 17 months and lately has been throwing massive tantrums over different things.

    Sometimes it's because he gets told not to hit the dog in the head. Other times it's because we tell him it's time for a clean nappy or to get changed/dressed (well these are everytime we try to do them).

    And other times it's because he wants to be carried everywhere. He wants us to just stand up and hold him, not happy with us sitting down and cuddling him. These are probably the worst tantrums.

    It's not like him to want to be carried everywhere. He has been sick but he is better now and it's still happening. I can't keep carrying him as my back is beginning to get worse.

    I try distracting him with something else which sometimes works. I've tried giving him a stamp on his hand as a reward if he lets me change his nappy without a fuss.

    But other times he just keeps going. Like this afternoon. So I tried ignoring it and letting him go. 20 minutes later he was still going with no sign of stopping. Crying, throwing himself on the ground.

    I know it's because he doesn't have the communication skills yet and doesn't understand why he can't have what he wants but I just don't know how to handle it anymore.

    I don't want to continually just give in and pick him up and make the behaviour worse but at the same time I don't want to just ignore him when he is so upset for an endless amount of time.

    It's really getting to me and I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
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    Hi and yes dealing with that here too. My ds is 16 months and almost every nappy change is an ordeal. Dread doing it. It's worse when they're tired.

    Our biggest trigger for a tanty is when it's time to come inside after playing in the backyard. He loves it outside which is great but I can't leave him out there all day. He screams and bangs on the back door.

    The only thing that works for us is distraction and sometimes ignoring it. He also loves his bare legs being stroked as it relaxes him so I do that during nappy changes.

    Good luck and I hope you get more advice.

    Sent from my SM-N9007 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
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    I second the learning tower. We just bought a second hand one off Gumtree....

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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    Hi @Donnab739! Just came across your post. DS2 is a bit of an epic tantrum thrower too it is definitely the age.

    For the moment I am using distraction and redirection. So I distract him, I try where possible to do this before it hits critical mass (throwing himself on the floor, head butting etc...) and then redirect his attention elsewhere.

    Not always possible but it does work at least some of the time.

    As far as always wanting to be held while standing up that happens here to. I am trying to slowly work on this one and begin teaching him to wait - crazy I know.

    But what I will do is hold him for brief periods and let him see what I am doing. Then I will tell him that I am going to put him down so I can do 'xyz' and I will pick him up when I am done. I put him down, ignore the flip out, talk as I do what I need to do, then say to him ok I'm finished now and pick him back up.

    Something else that had been an absolute life saver is the learning tower. He uses this a lot and it means he can see what is going on and I even give him little jobs to do especially in the kitchen, like washing vegetables etc... Something safe and easy.

    Attachment 53440

    Attachment 53441

    All else fails I pop him on my back in the ergo. But I get that may not be possible for you.

    Here's hoping this too shall pass very quickly!!
    This sounds amazing. We are having the same issues with 15 month old dd, nappy changes are so hard but the most difficult time is dinner as all she wants is to be up, I think she wants to be involved, nothing has worked and she just screams the place down every evening.

    They seem so expensive though. Wonder if there is a cheaper option.

    So glad OP I'm not alone in this battle. Like you, I do t want to give in, but I hate having her upset all the time ;(

  5. #5
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    Thanks btmac. We had a massive meltdown one morning a couple weeks ago. I just physically couldn't pick him up anymore. Thank god dh and I were both here or I wouldn't have been able to cope.

    I'd try to cuddle him or hold him but only when sitting down. He got himself so upset he fell asleep on dh lap which I hated but it does seem to have helped a bit. Thankfully because there is no way I could do that again.

    If only he would sleep better at night I wouldn't be so tired and could handle it better.

    That learning tower looks awesome, not sure I have room for it though. I recently bought an ergo so will start putting him in that at home I think, thanks for the tip.

    So glad to know I'm not the only one going through this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    This sounds amazing. We are having the same issues with 15 month old dd, nappy changes are so hard but the most difficult time is dinner as all she wants is to be up, I think she wants to be involved, nothing has worked and she just screams the place down every evening.

    They seem so expensive though. Wonder if there is a cheaper option.

    So glad OP I'm not alone in this battle. Like you, I do t want to give in, but I hate having her upset all the time ;(
    I googled it last night and a page came up called ikea hacks where they used a step stool and modified it so it's similar concept to the learning tower.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (26-04-2014)

  8. #7
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    I do similar to btmac when DD starts a tanty because I am in the middle of something. Usually it's the dishes, so I pick her up, show her I'm doing the dishes, let her touch the water or bubbles, then put her down and spend time with her at the end. When she gets in a tizz over having a nappy change or a bath I ask her what she wants to take with her. Choosing a toy or a book to have on the change table seems to distract her enough that she is then happy to go.

    My other strategy is "comfort the feeling". A little toddler doesn't understand what they are feeling, how it makes their body feel and then how to manage that intense feeling. I'm trying to teach DD to identify that she is having an intense feeling and what to do about it. When she gets really upset (usually about not being given food that she saw and wanted) I will comfort, tell her I'm sorry that she is frustrated (label the feeling) that she can't have what she wants and give her a way to calm down - usually it will be taking some deep breaths with her. Usually it is the cuddle that will calm her down but I want to give her the skills to manage the feeling without giving in to her meltdown. I find that I often end up sitting on the floor with her. Now that I think about it I have to do this a lot less frequently than I did 2 months ago.

  9. #8
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    I'll admit that we don't have a huge tantrum thrower (knock on wood), but we do have those moments where he is upset and frazzled, unsettled and unreasonable. One thing we picked up from our toddler gym class is the use of a little bell to distract him. When he is getting worked up, we ring a little bell or shake a little noisy toy and the shrillness of it is usually enough to catch his attention and make him pause from his frustration. We then either try to distract him or get him to use the words that he has, to tell us what he wants.

    Hope you have some success. That learning tower looks fantastic!!

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    Funnels  (26-04-2014)

  11. #9
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    Our 16mth DD tantrums are worse when she is tired and/ or hungry.

    If he is sleeping and eating well then stick to distraction, more intense the tantrum the bigger distraction. Eg minor tantrum, a book might work. Major tantrum, then change of scenery like going outside might work.

    Sometimes their diet can trigger upsets, like dairy intolerance, food sensitivities is a big topic to lookup if you have a hunch it might be a food trigger.

    In our house when all else fails is just I cuddle and give boob, don't know how I would parent without my boobs sometimes !!

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    Funnels  (26-04-2014)

  13. #10
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    Oh and pull-ups can help with nappy changes.


 

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