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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    We see my dad a few times a week. One night a week he comes for dinner and a couple of other times he pops in for half an hour to play with the kids.
    We see my ILs about once a month. They live 2 hours away so they either come here or we go there for a night. I love them so I don't mind.
    I don't think a dinner once a week or fortnight with family providing you get along and live close by is too much to ask.
    That's what we do now. We see them at least once a week for a meal and as long as my DS can handle. But apparently that's not good enough

  2. #52
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    Every weekend you go see both sets of grandparents, in one day! Your only day off! No way that's too much, I think you need to rethink that routine coz believe you me you won't want to do all that with 2 under 2. Maybe they can pop in after work on weekdays but bubs routine doesn't change, I've had FIL comment oh he's going to sleep already I just got here, or oh she's having a bath already but guess what I don't give a toss he's not the one dealing with the cranky tiered hungry kid is he!?
    Your DH should be blasting his dad for putting you in that kind of stress! How ridiculous.

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    maco  (08-04-2014)

  4. #53
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    @maco, don't feel bad! Once per week is pretty good I think.

    I am very family orientated, but I think sometimes parents can forget that children have their own lives to live and I'm going to try to remember to give my children space to live their lives the way that suits them when they are older.

    Everyone is different and it doesn't mean you love your parents/PIL any less if you need quiet time at home by yourselves too.

    Agh, I don't think this is coming across how I want it too!

    Parents of adult children need to 'let go' a bit sometimes I think.
    Last edited by OurLittleBlessing; 08-04-2014 at 11:46.

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  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by maco View Post
    Thanks Everytime. Ver y variedad responses. Hubby And I although love out families we find it stressful when they are here or at their house. We are homebodies and like to do things on our own. Don't feel the need to have parents around us all the time. We see then on our only free time which the don't seem to appreciate and just want more and more. Hubby works a physically demanding job so when he gets home just wants to relax for the two hours before DS bed time not tred about town or have people over. That's the way it's going to be and they will just have to get used to it!
    Just clarifying.

    You don't want either set of grandparents to visit you during the week either during the day or evening as it stresses you out.... And you don't want to visit them as a family on your day off together cos it stresses you out?

    So when would you plan on seeing them?

    I'm not trying to be rude. Just puzzled if I missed something out.

    Btw my folks would crack it if I decided to not see them. I've got two kids and my hubby works interstate. I'm so so so grateful my folks help out so much. And that's due to the fact I DO spend so much time with them. Please don't thwart your folks because they want to be part of your lives. As you can see from PP- so many people just don't have family support. You need to take the good with the bad.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  7. #55
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    OP that would drive me insane!! You need to have your own family time especially as your partner only has the Sunday off.

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    maco  (08-04-2014)

  9. #56
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    From my point of view this sounds like heaven. All I ever wanted for my son was for him to be surrounded by family, as it's something I never had growing up. Now he is basically just stuck with me - separated, living in the country, my only family is my mum who lives overseas, no siblings so no chance of cousins, MIL thinks two hours is too far to come and visit, I don't drive so can't visit her, FIL and husband's brother barely interested in DS. It breaks my heart and I feel like I've failed him. So, I'll admit, it's hard for me to understand where you're coming from. But I do realise conflict is hard, it's difficult to prioritise others at times, and I do think it's ok to put your immediate family's needs first. Would you feel comfortable asking them to babysit sometimes so they get their fix (and have to do more than just look!), and you and your DH get some time together too?

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    Well we see dp's parents all the time, my other kids see their dad's parents hardly ever, they see my dad about once a month.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    Just clarifying.

    You don't want either set of grandparents to visit you during the week either during the day or evening as it stresses you out.... And you don't want to visit them as a family on your day off together cos it stresses you out?

    So when would you plan on seeing them?

    I'm not trying to be rude. Just puzzled if I missed something out.

    Btw my folks would crack it if I decided to not see them. I've got two kids and my hubby works interstate. I'm so so so grateful my folks help out so much. And that's due to the fact I DO spend so much time with them. Please don't thwart your folks because they want to be part of your lives. As you can see from PP- so many people just don't have family support. You need to take the good with the bad.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
    No Im Fine with our arrangement now which is seeing them every Sunday. They are the ones winging. I do want to see our families I think you are Misunderstanding me. They want us to spend the WHoLE day there. On the only day my husband has off and in that day we have to see my parents to and do things around home that we don't get a chance to do so it's impossible.
    I wouldn't of had such a problem if they had come and spoken to us calmly but being yelled at and sworn at has made me angry and upset.

    Sorry I'm on my phone so can't see who asked about baby sitting. They have looked after him but no we are both not parents who feel the need to do this all the time my husband barely spends time with DS because of work so isn't interested in any less time.

    I understand people who don't have family around might not agree but this isn't a comparison for that. I know we are lucky trust me I actually only have grown up with my parents I have no immediate family here so I am well aware of how it feels to not grow up with family. We are just trying to do the best that we can with the time limits we have.

  12. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    Every weekend you go see both sets of grandparents, in one day! Your only day off! No way that's too much, I think you need to rethink that routine coz believe you me you won't want to do all that with 2 under 2. Maybe they can pop in after work on weekdays but bubs routine doesn't change, I've had FIL comment oh he's going to sleep already I just got here, or oh she's having a bath already but guess what I don't give a toss he's not the one dealing with the cranky tiered hungry kid is he!?
    Your DH should be blasting his dad for putting you in that kind of stress! How ridiculous.
    Thanks for understanding
    Yes I don't mind then coming over but they don't get the fact that he needs to be in bed at 7-7:30 so things have to happen in his routine for that to happen. DS has been such a bad sleeper so no I don't want to change his routine and make him extra tired so they can just hold him. But they want us to come on the Sunday and also weekdays so even if they came on a weekday they still expect to see him on Sunday so I can't win!
    Last edited by maco; 08-04-2014 at 16:53.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maco View Post
    Thanks for understanding
    Yes I don't mind then coming over but they don't get the fact that he needs to be in bed at 7-7:30 so things have to happen in his routine for that to happen. DS has been such a bad sleeper so no I don't want to change his routine and make him extra tired so they can just hold him. But they want us to come on the Sunday and also weekdays so even if they came on a weekday they still expect to see him on Sunday so I can't win!
    Oh I so get this! It annoyed me to no end that people would visit in the late afternoon when DS was a baby. I was pretty anal about bed time routine! I just wanted DS to be in a regular routine plus I just wanted no visitors after about 4.

    I don't think it's unreasonable to not see them every single week at all. But then I have never been in my family's pockets so to speak as they are all busy, independent people and I don't see them often at all.... But DS's dads family are very family-oriented so I probably see them more than my own family, so I do see your dilemma.

    I think you just need to find the nerve to speak up, (or get your husband to do it! ) Otherwise things won't change.

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