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  1. #81
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    I'm going to be flamed for this , but whatever

    In my opinion, cheating can often be symptomatic of other, deeper problems in a relationship - not all the time, but a lot of the time. If my husband cheated on me, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. We have a life, a son and another child on the way, and we love each other. That being said, if he wasn't willing to do everything I needed for me to feel confident in our relationship again, weather that be counselling, giving me his email/ phone password, telling me where he is at all times, whatever, that would be a deal breaker.

    I honestly feel like, unless you are in a dangerous situation, if both people want to work on a problem, a marriage can be salvaged. If only one is willing to put in that work, it's over, but if you both want to put in the effort, you can regain love, trust or anything else.
    Just my opinion

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  3. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by jesssalee View Post
    I'm going to be flamed for this , but whatever

    In my opinion, cheating can often be symptomatic of other, deeper problems in a relationship - not all the time, but a lot of the time. If my husband cheated on me, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. We have a life, a son and another child on the way, and we love each other. That being said, if he wasn't willing to do everything I needed for me to feel confident in our relationship again, weather that be counselling, giving me his email/ phone password, telling me where he is at all times, whatever, that would be a deal breaker.

    I honestly feel like, unless you are in a dangerous situation, if both people want to work on a problem, a marriage can be salvaged. If only one is willing to put in that work, it's over, but if you both want to put in the effort, you can regain love, trust or anything else.
    Just my opinion
    I completely agree with this. Life is rarely black and white!

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  5. #83
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    There are far worse things than growing up.in a single parent family. My parents stayed married till we'd left home and I can tell you I used to.pray they'd divorce. Growing up.in an unhappy home with parents who were unhappy and didn't respect each other made for an unhappy life.
    I understand you are very jaded, hurt and trying to make things right for yourself. Right now you're in a bad place, I have been there. Are you receiving counselling? I think that no matter the statistics (which I.don't think are correct), you do not ever have to accept behaviour that makes you unhappy. Nobody should be allowed to do that to you. I figure, if I wouldn't accept it from a friend, why would I allow someone who "loves" me to treat me badly?
    I really do think it's unfair for women, and for men themselves, to tar all men with the same brush and think they all cheat. We all have urges, but men are not animals, they are perfectly capable.of NOT cheating as much as they are of cheating. Cheating is no accident it's a choice. No reason or statistic should make something so cruel to be ok.

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  7. #84
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    I was always naive enough to say my husband would never cheat on me because he loved me so much blah blah. Well he did. I kicked him out and first and then stayed, I'm not going to lie I stayed mostly out of obligation. It's been a couple of years now and I'm still as miserable in my marriage as the day I found out. If it wasn't for the 2 kids and house id be long gone. I've tried to leave as few times but he just refuses to leave the house and I have no where to go. I know he loves me and the kids but it's too late.

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  9. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotusMum View Post
    There are far worse things than growing up.in a single parent family. My parents stayed married till we'd left home and I can tell you I used to.pray they'd divorce. Growing up.in an unhappy home with parents who were unhappy and didn't respect each other made for an unhappy life.
    I understand you are very jaded, hurt and trying to make things right for yourself. Right now you're in a bad place, I have been there. Are you receiving counselling? I think that no matter the statistics (which I.don't think are correct), you do not ever have to accept behaviour that makes you unhappy. Nobody should be allowed to do that to you. I figure, if I would accept it from a friend, why would I allow someone who "loves" me to treat me badly?
    I really do think.it's unfair for women, and for men themselves, to tar all men with the same brush and think they all cheat. We all have urges, but men are not animals, they are perfectly capable.of NOT cheating as much as they are of cheating. Cheating is no accident it's a choice. No reason or statistic should make something so cruel to be ok.

    Sent from my C6603 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    You said exactly what I was thinking. I am glad my parents split up. I am glad my mum stopped turning a blind eye to my dads cheating. Let me just say that her staying for as long as she did (they split for good when I was 16) are a big part of some of the personal trust issues I have myself.

    Would you want your daughter to stay with a man who does anything but put her happiness before his own urges? Do you want her to think cheating is a normal part of life she needs to accept? They're the type of questions I would ask myself if DH ever cheated on me. (Well sort of, as I only have sons not daughters)

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  11. #86
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    @waterlily hugs to you.

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  12. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I was always naive enough to say my husband would never cheat on me because he loved me so much blah blah. Well he did. I kicked him out and first and then stayed, I'm not going to lie I stayed mostly out of obligation. It's been a couple of years now and I'm still as miserable in my marriage as the day I found out. If it wasn't for the 2 kids and house id be long gone. I've tried to leave as few times but he just refuses to leave the house and I have no where to go. I know he loves me and the kids but it's too late.
    thats awful waterlily I am so sorry that happened to you and that you are so unhappy.

    But I dont for a second think you were naive. People shouldnt live their lives expecting bad things to happen to them. The blame for his bad choice is his alone xo

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  14. #88
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    Oh @waterlily your story is exactly why I was determined to leave when my husband cheated on me, that and what @peanutmonkey said. I could not role model an unhealthy relationship for my daughters. I wanted better than that for my girls.
    I left, got happy and healthy, and met the perfect man for me and now not only am I in a great and respectful relationship but am showing my kids what one looks like.

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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I was always naive enough to say my husband would never cheat on me because he loved me so much blah blah. Well he did. I kicked him out and first and then stayed, I'm not going to lie I stayed mostly out of obligation. It's been a couple of years now and I'm still as miserable in my marriage as the day I found out. If it wasn't for the 2 kids and house id be long gone. I've tried to leave as few times but he just refuses to leave the house and I have no where to go. I know he loves me and the kids but it's too late.

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    @waterlily

    hugs. I am so sorry that this happened to you.

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