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  1. #71
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    I was more thinking he's never in the mood bc he's getting his fill from the prostitutes. I've read and heard heaps of people say a drop in libido can be one of the signs (obviously matched with others) of cheating as they are getting it elsewhere so aren't needing it from their partner.

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  3. #72
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    I think marriage by definition/purpose implies you can't and won't cheat.

    I think people change though, and relationships can easily become unfulfilling, no matter how much you 'love' your spouse. Love can change and passion can be exclusive of love.

    Good people can cheat.

    I have my own personal thoughts/beliefs regarding marriage and monogamy etc. but I do think that if you decide to marry for monogamous purposes, you can't cheat or the deal is done and the very meaning of marriage no longer exists in your relationship, whether you 'forgive' or not.

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  5. #73
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    Not unrealistic at all. Cheating is a deal-breaker for DH & I. Being monogamous is part of being in a committed relationship for us. And we swore to be faithful to each other in our wedding vows - not something either of us take lightly.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    Not unrealistic at all. I expect DH to be faithful. And I dont believe he will cheat on me. Why? Because I dont want to live my life thinking about the what ifs.

    Could it happen? Of course it could, anything can happen!
    Do I believe it will? No, if I thought it would, I wouldn't be with him.
    Would I stay? I'd like to say no. My husband is the absolute love of my life, but he is also my best friend. Losing my husband and best friend in one go would be a massive blow. But even if I did stay, we wouldn't have a relationship. That needs trust. I don't trust easily and I have incredibly low self esteem. I honestly dont think I could ever trust him again, but put in that situation I honestly dont know how I would react.

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    This!!

    And I don't buy the belief that most men cheat, either I give more credit to them than everyone else or I don't surround myself with those types of men.

  8. #75
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    I really feel for you, reading through this and how much you've researched it, I just felt immense sadness for you. It appears that you have been searching and searching for ways to justify your husbands behavior. I don't believe that cheating is acceptable, regardless of how common you think it may be.

    The choice to stay is a very personal one and I think it really depends on the individuals and the circumstances.

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  10. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I really feel for you, reading through this and how much you've researched it, I just felt immense sadness for you. It appears that you have been searching and searching for ways to justify your husbands behavior. I don't believe that cheating is acceptable, regardless of how common you think it may be.

    The choice to stay is a very personal one and I think it really depends on the individuals and the circumstances.
    Really well said.

    In the end OP it doesn't matter if it's normal, or common (neither of which I think it is); if you can't accept what happened then that's all that matters. What do you want from your DH, and what can you accept?

    For me I accept there are times in my marriage where we don't get on, or where we're just a little bit thoughtless, but I can't be with a person who makes me feel bad about myself. That's my deal breaker. And my DH being unfaithful would do that.

    Good luck OP. everyone deserves a bit if happiness.

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  12. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    Yes. Same in my DH's industry. High stress shift work lots of responsibility and a huge need for stress relief. I just wonder how many of those women whose phone numbers you would like actually know and keep going anyway? Food for thought.
    I totally get what you mean! I'm sure there are many who just turn a blind eye for the sake of their security aka 'happy family'.

    There is one man in particular on DP's site who has a wife and 5 kids back home in Brisbane yet has a woman up here that comes to sleep with him at the camp (how bad is that?!) and he goes to her house as well for sex, it makes me sick. I often wonder if any of these guys partners are on the hub, I'd gladly out them all! Filthy filthy grubs!!!!

    Of course not all men are bad but I think you'd be surprised the amount that play up. The ones you'd least suspect it from too. I don't trust any man. My dad cheated on my mum after 30 years, it was so unexpected and out of character for dad and that's enough for me to keep my guard up for the rest of my life to every man regardless!!!! I could never say it wouldn't happen to me, I don't want to be that naive.
    Last edited by Gracie's Mum; 07-04-2014 at 01:16.

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  14. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I really feel for you, reading through this and how much you've researched it, I just felt immense sadness for you. It appears that you have been searching and searching for ways to justify your husbands behavior. I don't believe that cheating is acceptable, regardless of how common you think it may be.

    The choice to stay is a very personal one and I think it really depends on the individuals and the circumstances.
    Beautifully put. Thank you.

  15. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Really well said.

    In the end OP it doesn't matter if it's normal, or common (neither of which I think it is); if you can't accept what happened then that's all that matters. What do you want from your DH, and what can you accept?

    For me I accept there are times in my marriage where we don't get on, or where we're just a little bit thoughtless, but I can't be with a person who makes me feel bad about myself. That's my deal breaker. And my DH being unfaithful would do that.

    Good luck OP. everyone deserves a bit if happiness.
    I really respect your opinion - you have extensive experience of this being a family lawyer. Thank you for your wise words.

  16. #80
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    Thank you for sharing @Graciesmum. Since all this has happened I am more inclined to think most men would cheat given the chance, more inclined to think most men do not value fidelity or the sacredness of commitment to one person. I feel as though I am a complete sceptic now- looking at every attached man I meet and thinking "you probably would, you rat".
    I'm actually scared this thing is taking up too much of my attention. Corroding my happiness. Giving me a warped view of reality. Im scared to be a single mother. And I don't want my kids to grow up like I did in a split family- that's a whole 'nother sledge of issues.

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