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  1. #31
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    I know a couple who openly discuss that their relationship doesn't work if they don't have regular se.x. I've seen them argue because he didn't want it and she did. She talks about how she wants to ravish him all the time. It's actually uncomfortable at times how she goes on about it.

    She doesn't know he sees prostitutes whenever he gets the chance.

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    I would never stay in a unfaithful relationship. I have been cheated on and left the guy straight away. I was jaded for a long time until I met DH and now I can say that I am 100% certain he would never cheat on me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauzy View Post
    I know a couple who openly discuss that their relationship doesn't work if they don't have regular se.x. I've seen them argue because he didn't want it and she did. She talks about how she wants to ravish him all the time. It's actually uncomfortable at times how she goes on about it.

    She doesn't know he sees prostitutes whenever he gets the chance.
    That's pretty sad.
    What do you think she would say/do if she found out?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lexim View Post
    Not sure what that had to do with it? But yes gaining money for sex is the definition of prostitution.

    It's fine if you think it's ok for a husband to have sex with his wife even when she doesn't want to and says that she doesn't want to, but I don't, simple. I would question the person my husband was if he made me feel like I had to have sex with him in order for him not to stray.
    If me saying that helps a woman who is unsure in her marriage seek the help she needs then I'm ok with that.

    Forcing yourself upon a person whether that be using physical force or emotional force is never ok.
    Where did I say it was ok?

    I said I don't consider the circumstance mentioned by the OP as rape.

    What she said was:

    "I've also got friends who believe that if you want your marriage to stay intact you have to have a lot of $ex even when you don't feel like it because if you don't he will stray."

    Where is the pressure from their husbands?

    Do not put words in my mouth.

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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    Yes- exactly this. I've read a lot of online stuff and books and statistics say that 60% of males cheat at some point in their marriages. I've also got friends who believe that if you want your marriage to stay intact you have to have a lot of $ex even when you don't feel like it because if you don't he will stray. I don't like it, but I wonder if they are right or just insecure (like me).
    I think I know a lot of these men from this study! I know quite a few to a lot of people (men and women) who have cheated on their partners some know, some don't. Some would never guess they were cheating on their partner! I am actually surprised that the statistic isn't higher... But then I guess it depends on ur definition of cheating and what the statistics definition is and if it's exclusively to marriage as opposed to a long term partner....
    Although I don't think it has to do with how much s3x they get as I know some of the women and men have regular s3x but they stray because they can and wants to be with someone new or prettier, funnier or makes them feel all tingly inside or makes them feel appreciated or better or to take the pain away..

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Where did I say it was ok?

    I said I don't consider the circumstance mentioned by the OP as rape.

    What she said was:

    "I've also got friends who believe that if you want your marriage to stay intact you have to have a lot of $ex even when you don't feel like it because if you don't he will stray."

    Where is the pressure from their husbands?

    Do not put words in my mouth.
    No worries then.
    I'm not getting into on online debate.

    All I know is if my friend came to me and said "I feel like I have to have sex with DH in order for him not to cheat"
    I couldn't just sit there and smile like that's ok.
    I would urge her to get help - for her own insecurities OR for something more sinister at play.

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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    14 months after I discovered my Dh was cheating I find myself in a strange situation. I fear that not all "happily married" couples are in fact happy by my definition I.e. $exually faithful and putting in their best effort to nurture the relationship and care for each other. I'm suspicious that a lot more infidelity occurs than is made known, and that many wives put up with it because their ideal of a family living together is so precious to them that they "turn a blind eye" and never feel completely secure.

    I'm still I'm my marriage, obviously, but I'm really curious about how many women there are out there who decide to stay knowing there is an almost certain risk of betrayal?
    I say this, knowing I'm sure to be in the firing line.

    I've been 'cheated' on in the past, I've been in 'open' relationships. I've had my fair share on betrayals. (None of these were with DH.)

    To date, the worst thing I've experienced relationship wise, was when I 'thought' id found 'the one', was head over heals in love with this man, he was my EVERYTHING, he came home one day & said 'I don't love you anymore, and I'm sorry I don't know why, I am in love with x and I am leaving you for her'

    He didn't physically cheat on me, and unfortunately he died in a car accident not 2 weeks later.

    As long as my DH still loves me & is alive.. I will work through anything to make it 'work'. & I think very highly of women who do the same.

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  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by FITCHICK View Post
    I say this, knowing I'm sure to be in the firing line.

    I've been 'cheated' on in the past, I've been in 'open' relationships. I've had my fair share on betrayals. (None of these were with DH.)

    To date, the worst thing I've experienced relationship wise, was when I 'thought' id found 'the one', was head over heals in love with this man, he was my EVERYTHING, he came home one day & said 'I don't love you anymore, and I'm sorry I don't know why, I am in love with x and I am leaving you for her'

    He didn't physically cheat on me, and unfortunately he died in a car accident not 2 weeks later.

    As long as my DH still loves me & is alive.. I will work through anything to make it 'work'. & I think very highly of women who do the same.
    Would you stay with him if he repeatedly cheated on you?

    I think I could move forward if it was a once off thing. If we sought help for it and he admitted to it being a huge mistake.
    I couldn't however turn a blind eye to him doing it again and again on a regular basis.
    He could say he loves me but how could someone hurt you like that and love you?

    I'm not sure? Not putting you in the firing line but interested in your opinion considering you've been in the situation before?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lexim View Post
    Guilting someone into having sex with you would be considered as rape.

    Making your wife feel like she needs to have sex with you so you don't stray would again make you a d*ckhead.
    I think there's a different between a couple who agree to have sex every day for a month regardless if whether they want to or not as a marriage saving exercise (as mentioned by a PP) vs a person having sex with their partner because they feel bullied into it. There's also a huge grey area where people have sex with their partner even if they don't really feel like it because they want to make their partner feel loved and that's one way to do it. It's not black and white.

    In response to the OP, in any relationship where there's no explicit agreement to not be monogamous, of course it's realistic to expect your partner to be faithful. The fact that people aren't faithful, in my view points to a communication breakdown and emotional disconnect. But that doesn't mean that one's expectation of fidelity is unreasonable or unrealistic.

    Incidentally, discussions like this always seem to focus on men as the cheater. Plenty of women are unfaithful too.

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  12. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by FITCHICK View Post
    I say this, knowing I'm sure to be in the firing line.

    I've been 'cheated' on in the past, I've been in 'open' relationships. I've had my fair share on betrayals. (None of these were with DH.)

    To date, the worst thing I've experienced relationship wise, was when I 'thought' id found 'the one', was head over heals in love with this man, he was my EVERYTHING, he came home one day & said 'I don't love you anymore, and I'm sorry I don't know why, I am in love with x and I am leaving you for her'

    He didn't physically cheat on me, and unfortunately he died in a car accident not 2 weeks later.

    As long as my DH still loves me & is alive.. I will work through anything to make it 'work'. & I think very highly of women who do the same.
    I agree with you and feel very similar. I can work it out if we love each other.
    If it was a repeated thing where he was constantly cheating it would be over.

    There isn't much I would not do so if he had to go else where to me it would mean that he didn't love me.

    I wouldn't end a relationship and break up a family over a one night stand. He is human and so am I we sometimes do stupid stuff. I wouldn't feel completely betrayed over a one time thing. But my heart would break if he was having an affair and was emotionally involved with her. That is a deal breaker. See everyone has different lines to cross I don't think there is right or wrong it's up to an individual to decide.

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