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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    Yes- exactly this. I've read a lot of online stuff and books and statistics say that 60% of males cheat at some point in their marriages. I've also got friends who believe that if you want your marriage to stay intact you have to have a lot of $ex even when you don't feel like it because if you don't he will stray. I don't like it, but I wonder if they are right or just insecure (like me).
    I'd be interested to know where they get 60% from.
    My DH has never cheated and I don't believe he ever would, having been on the receiving end of that himself in the past. I have a lot of male friends- one has an open arrangement with his DW, another is in a polyamourous relationship. I only know one that I know to have cheated on his wife- they are now seperated.
    I'm sorry your Dh cheated on you it's a terrible breach of your trust. But you can't tar all men with the same brush.
    Having s3x when you don't want to won't save a marriage IMO- if someone wants to cheat it's not because you don't give them enough s3x, it's because they want s3x with someone else. It's not your fault- it's theirs. JMO.

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  3. #22
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    It's a tricky one. DH and I have been together for 17 years this year and while I feel we are devoted to each other and committed to our relationship, I think it takes a truck load of work and effort to stay connected but to us that doesn't mean putting out when you don't feel like it just for fear of them straying. I couldn't live like that and I couldn't be with a partner who wanted that from me. Besides chronic renal failure doesn't leave you feeling terribly randy and of course DH understands that this is just another phase in our lives. For better or for worse, not until I see someone I'd like a bit of.

    I honestly believe that if you love someone and marry someone then (Unless of course you have a consensual open relationship) then you need to be moving toward that person, not away from them with other se.x partners and if a past infidelity has badly hurt the person that you claim to love and who you have chosen to spend your life with and you continue to cheat? Well, I don't understand or respect that behaviour.

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  5. #23
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    It would be a total deal breaker for me. I could not stay in a relationship with someone who showed me such little respect. It's not so much the physical act of cheating which would beak my heart but the betrayal, emotional disconnection, lack of trust etc.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jcmummy View Post
    Unfortunately I think it's easy to say what you think you would do if your partner cheated but until you are actually in the situation you can't really know for sure. I've always said cheating was a deal breaker and 4 months ago (when I was 8 months pregnant) I found out my DH had slept with another woman. I kicked him out but he is back home now and we are slowly working through our (major) issues. I can't say if it will all be ok but I feel I owe it to myself and my kids to try. It's not as black and white to say that's it - for me anyway.
    Agree totally

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  8. #25
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    Here are some stats from a quick google (I don't know the website but the source seems sound):

    http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

    The one I found interesting was the stat about men who would cheat if they thought they wouldn't get caught.
    @Atropos the sex for sex's sake is an interesting argument and there are many studies where couples agree to have sex everyday for a certain period of time and see the impact it has on their marriage. There was a TV show about it (I didn't watch it).

    I don't know the answer. I have been with DH for over 20 years and have been faithful the entire time. Yes I've been tempted during times when we've got along very badly but it's just made me work harder at resolving what's wrong in our marriage.

    I remember a line from the movie Lantana. "Being unfaithful is easy; being faithful can often be harder"

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    60% of guys?
    Can't say I agree with that statistic.

    And yes if a husband is making his wife have sex with him even when she's not in the mood and doesn't want to he is theoretically raping her.
    Raping someone makes you a d*ckhead.

    Cheating on your spouse makes you a d*ckhead.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lexim View Post
    And yes if a husband is making his wife have sex with him even when she's not in the mood and doesn't want to he is theoretically raping her.
    Raping someone makes you a d*ckhead.

    .
    I don't think that's what the OP is talking about at all. Sorry I don't equate a wife having consensual s.ex with her husband when she's not in the mood with rape. Not at all.

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  14. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I don't think that's what the OP is talking about at all. Sorry I don't equate a wife having consensual s.ex with her husband when she's not in the mood with rape. Not at all.
    Guilting someone into having sex with you would be considered as rape.

    Making your wife feel like she needs to have sex with you so you don't stray would again make you a d*ckhead.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lexim View Post
    Guilting someone into having sex with you would be considered as rape.

    .
    You are entitled to that view but I would be more cautious. I don't see it so black and white. Without debating it I don't agree. Some marriages are complex. Some women trade social status and wealth for s.ex. Does that make them prostitutes?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    You are entitled to that view but I would be more cautious. I don't see it so black and white. Without debating it I don't agree. Some marriages are complex. Some women trade social status and wealth for s.ex. Does that make them prostitutes?
    Not sure what that had to do with it? But yes gaining money for sex is the definition of prostitution.

    It's fine if you think it's ok for a husband to have sex with his wife even when she doesn't want to and says that she doesn't want to, but I don't, simple. I would question the person my husband was if he made me feel like I had to have sex with him in order for him not to stray.
    If me saying that helps a woman who is unsure in her marriage seek the help she needs then I'm ok with that.

    Forcing yourself upon a person whether that be using physical force or emotional force is never ok.

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