+ Reply to Thread
Page 14 of 14 FirstFirst ... 4121314
Results 131 to 132 of 132
  1. #131
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,710
    Thanks
    2,383
    Thanked
    1,906
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by made2bAmummy View Post
    Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate you mentioning the long lasting guilt and shame that comes with cheating- I hope my DH feels this like you do and that it is also a deterrent.

    I love how pure your DH sounds- he must be 1 in a million. I think guys who really respect women by not using pron etc are few and far between.

    As for the bit about being unhappy to start with- yes. Totally agree 100%. And since we've been working on things I've worked out how to keep DH "happy" by the way I conduct myself around him. That will sound bad to purists but I always think that if you are willing to give something and you get joy from giving and seeing someone happy, then so long as the cost to you is not too high, give give give. But stop if it is tearing you apart emotionally/physically/mentally. Marriage is ,after all, a partnership with compromise.

    I told my sister today that if I want to really philosophical about all this, it really does not matter if I stay with DH or leave or find someone else so long as I have self respect and live my life with integrity, pursuing the values I hold dear. So long as I do that the situation is kind of irrelevant. Happiness and security has to come from within. All good in theory huh

    Self respect and happiness are definitely important, and mostly, do come from within In order for you to live your life with the values you hold dear, that may include not putting up with certain behaviour though, and only you will be able to figure out whether that line has already been crossed too far or not. Hugs to you in your position, It's not a nice place to be

    Just my opinions here from things I have learned: I think if someone is going to stay after one person has cheated, it needs to be a big decision. Because the cheater needs to understand that it will take a lot of time and effort for the other person to trust them again and the other person has to wholeheartedly want to work on the relationship too. If the cheater thinks they won't be able to put in the effort to gain trust again (and they truly need to be honest with themselves here) or the cheated on thinks they won't be able to avoid throwing the cheating in the other ones face during every argument, it's just not going to work.

    I don't think you wanting to make your DH happy is a bad thing (I do lots of things to make my DH happy) but it needs to be a two way street. Both parties need to be able to have the utmost respect for each other and genuinely want to do things to make each other happy, because you love each other, not because you're hoping by acting a certain way it will prevent him from cheating.

    I think the biggest difference between my ex Husband and my DH is selfishness. My ex was a very selfish man, right through the 14 years we were together. My DH is extremely unselfish, which is what gives him his, as you put it, 'pure' personality. He would rather go without himself than see me go without, be hurt or upset.

    So I guess it all depends on personalities and why they felt they needed to cheat in the first place and IMO, if they are not willing to take the blame for the way they have acted and handled the situation, if they try to place the blame on you, there may be little hope. (Even if a relationship was failing, they need to be able to admit cheating was a disastrous way to handle it).

    When I left my ex Husband I did some extremely helpful little courses through Relationships Australia. I am pretty sure they have some for couples wanting to overcome infidelity or broken trust. I'm not sure if you'd be interested, but I found their courses really helpful

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    made2bAmummy  (15-04-2014)

  3. #132
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The Kimberley WA
    Posts
    4,622
    Thanks
    916
    Thanked
    1,180
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    No it isn't unrealistic to expect your spouse to be faithful. For dh and I we had both been cheated on in previous relationships and neither of us believe in infidelity so it was a matter we discussed early in our relationship. We both had and still have the same view that if either of us ever cheated in our relationship it's all over!

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Blessedwith3boys For This Useful Post:

    made2bAmummy  (15-04-2014)


 

Similar Threads

  1. What to expect?
    By PeJu's Mum in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 26-10-2013, 10:59
  2. Do I expect too much?
    By DarcyJ in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 28-09-2013, 16:50
  3. What to expect?
    By TotSnot in forum Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 30-08-2013, 10:04

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Pea Pods Reusable Nappies
Pea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable and simple to use, Pea Pods keep your baby dry & happy. Visit our website to find your nearest stockist or order online.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!