I really need to talk/vent to someone. Sorry if this is too long.
So here's my background. I found out I was pregnant with ds1 at 16. DP and I both had no job, no car, no license, no money but we did have great family support from both sides. DP ended up getting a great job that paid well. Our families chipped in with buying the baby things and everything went better than I could have imagined.
Just before my 18th I found out I was pregnant with ds2. That was another surprise but a good one! We were in a great financial position. DP had got his license, he was working and earning great money and we had just bought a car.
Then the day I went in to labour, DP got made redundant because there was not enough work around.
Fast forward to now and we are still struggling. Ds1 is 2.5yo and ds2 is 11mo. DP has been in and out of work this whole past year. He is currently working days here and there. We are in 8k worth of debt and times are really tough. We pay half rent with my dad who works away and sometimes I even struggle to afford nappies and food!
To top it off I just found out last Wednesday I am pregnant with #3. (I was taking microlut mini pill as I'm currently breastfeeding but it messer with my emotions and I was a complete mess.) I didn't want to tell DP when I found out. When I finally did, he asked me what we were going to do about it. I said I didn't know. He then proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to get a termination because it would be selfish to bring a baby into this world that we couldn't afford, when we already have two kids to think about. He said he would give me a week to make a decision on what we were going to do.
I know in my heart that keeping this baby is what I need to do. I thought about having a termination and I would be one of those women who yearn for years and years to have their baby back. DP doesn't understand. I'm just selfish and I have no idea what I'm about to put this family through etc. He told me he isn't going to buy this baby anything and that we aren't going to get a bigger car to accommodate this child because we can't afford to and he refuses to go into anymore debt.
The sad thing is, that he is actually making me feel so guilty. I'm questioning my decision again, based on his happiness because I do love him.
I just don't know what to do anymore.