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  1. #71
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    My point is her husband doesn't sound like he gives a rats about equality... Otherwise he wouldn't have spoken to her like that. A man like that Imo is too self centred to see his wife's pov... I don't. Think he sounds like he would compromise and men like this in my experience only become worse... If I could have a time machine to go back... I'd stop trying so hard to change him and better myself instead.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by ozeymumof5 View Post
    If he has a problem with his "boring" job, then he needs to grow up and change his employment. You have every right to be a sahm and enjoy your little ones.
    Some might say he IS being a grown up by doing a well paid job he hates to support his family and a wife who doesn't want to work??

    And I don't think someone has "the right" to stay home with children if they can only do so by being financially supported by another person who doesn't want things to work that way. It's not a right. At all.

    If it works for a family (and it does for many) then great. Otherwise, something has to change.

    Seriously, I would be unimpressed if my husband decided to give up work to look after the kids and left me being the sole breadwinner. No thanks!! I don't see why it should be any different the other way round.

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  5. #73
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    Not excusing his very rude email to you BUT, for what it's worth...

    DH and I have it the other way round. I earn pretty good $$ and he's mostly a SAHD to DD (2yo) still after I went back to work when she was only a few months old. It made financial sense as I earned waaaaay more than him and he has a small business that can deal with sporadic work and things being put on hold for a while. So I'd say he works around 10 hours a week to my 70-80. My week involves running all over town meeting with consultants, team members and other agencies/partners with some days so busy I don't even eat lunch and barely have time for a wee between appointments. I often leave for work when it's dark and DD and DH are still in bed, returning home after DD has gone to sleep to a DH who likes to tell me alllll about his day the second I walk in the door because he's bored and in desperate need of adult conversation. Some weeks the hours are so long and I'm working a certain distance from home so I stay overnight. DH likes to make comments about how "fun" and "easy" my job is. While I do enjoy it, I also feel frustrated, guilty, angry and resentful at times, because I'm not as involved in DDs upbringing as I'd like to be, and feel as though DH takes me and the work I do for us all (eg to keep a roof over our heads, bills paid, food on the table etc) for granted. I often ask if he's able to get the business back up and running again so I can ease up on my hours a bit and spend more time at home. He's reluctant and really enjoys being at home with DD which is great but... *I* need things to change. Maybe that makes me selfish but I think it's possible to compromise so that the bills still get paid but I don't have to feel the immense pressure of needing to be the one and only income ****** that keeps everything together. Sometimes I approach these conversations with a calm and respectful attitude, and other times, I let the frustration get the better of me.

    Just saying, I can see things from his perspective too...

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    My point is her husband doesn't sound like he gives a rats about equality... Otherwise he wouldn't have spoken to her like that. A man like that Imo is too self centred to see his wife's pov... I don't. Think he sounds like he would compromise and men like this in my experience only become worse... If I could have a time machine to go back... I'd stop trying so hard to change him and better myself instead.

    Sent from my C6903 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I agree with this though. One of my most valuable lessons in life is that "you can't change others, only yourself". A motto I live by.
    Last edited by RipperRita; 02-04-2014 at 20:58.

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  9. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Some might say he IS being a grown up by doing a well paid job he hates to support his family and a wife who doesn't want to work??

    And I don't think someone has "the right" to stay home with children if they can only do so by being financially supported by another person who doesn't want things to work that way. It's not a right. At all.

    If it works for a family (and it does for many) then great. Otherwise, something has to change.

    Seriously, I would be unimpressed if my husband decided to give up work to look after the kids and left me being the sole breadwinner. No thanks!! I don't see why it should be any different the other way round.
    I'd argue that the OP is working, just not outside the home.

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  11. #76
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    Do we really have to clarify that point? Obviously in this thread we are talking about paid work vs being a SAHP.

    Seriously, you need to caveat everything you say in this place!!

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  13. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Some might say he IS being a grown up by doing a well paid job he hates to support his family and a wife who doesn't want to work??

    And I don't think someone has "the right" to stay home with children if they can only do so by being financially supported by another person who doesn't want things to work that way. It's not a right. At all.

    If it works for a family (and it does for many) then great. Otherwise, something has to change.

    Seriously, I would be unimpressed if my husband decided to give up work to look after the kids and left me being the sole breadwinner. No thanks!! I don't see why it should be any different the other way round.
    Are you for real? A wife who doesn't want to work???? She has two little ones and a house to care for...is that not work? He only wants her to go to work to make himself feel better. What other reason does he have?? You think because he says so that's okay?? No way! If the kids were at school then yes, I'd agree but they aren't...the op has every right to say NO. Hubby is a jealous control freak. Oh and not to forget....he wants his d!ck sucked real good too...wtf!!!! Bite it offff lol

  14. #78
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    Oh good lord. I am talking about a job/career/paid work/work outside the home.

    When I say "give up work to look after the kids" 99.9% of the population would understand entirely what I meant. But of course not on BH land.

    Seriously... I am actually a parent myself. I am aware that it is a lot of work to raise kids.

    And I also know that the word "work" is the word used to refer to paid employment.

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  16. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Do we really have to clarify that point? Obviously in this thread we are talking about paid work vs being a SAHP.

    Seriously, you need to caveat everything you say in this place!!
    I don't think it's so irrelevant? Sorry if I touched a nerve? The OP has clearly stated several times that her partner thinks SAHP's are lazy "housewives" and then you label her as a "wife that doesn't want to work". A SAHP might think that you value their role as less than that of a "working" parent - not saying you are of course.

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  18. #80
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    waitsee is offline “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
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    Sounds like your MIL has been in his ear, is there anything they could be using to think you are being lazy. I know plenty of people judge others on says facebook lives, might look like you are living it up and not show any of the behind the scenes looking after 2 kids, cleaning, cooking etc.... or sitting out there listening to other mens tales of wives who have done them wrong. I know my gf df was in the forces and they had people come and talk to them about their wives spending all of the money and making bad choices.

    Either way his comments would be hurtful and attitude is uncalled for. Maybe an email back with if you are working, even with kids needing childcare/school (reminding him of his mothers inability to change a napoy) you would need a cleaner... and when he gets home expect to share, cooking, cleaning, childcare.

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