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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    I just read the email and I think he makes a valid point... That while you rely on his money you belong to him... I'm not saying that's right but I think it's all the more reason you should better yourself and find some independence should one day you want to leave and you can't actually stand on your own without his help...

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    Belong to him?????

    Crikey....

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    I just read the email and I think he makes a valid point... That while you rely on his money you belong to him... I'm not saying that's right but I think it's all the more reason you should better yourself and find some independence should one day you want to leave and you can't actually stand on your own without his help...

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    I think you are meaning that she is financially beholden to him, and if she doesn't go back to work, merely in order to get back into the workforce, she may be in a precarious financial situation in the future if she decides to leave.

    I hope that is what you actually meant.

    Not that she "belongs" to him.

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  5. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaenerysT View Post
    Belong to him?????

    Crikey....
    I said I didn't day that was right... As someone who had to leave a financially controlling spouse I wish I invested more time in myself then being completely devoted to him... Wether you like it or not when you rely on someone controlling for money you do belong to them...

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  6. #64
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    I get what you mean, I still can't quite bring myself to describe it quite like that, but I know what you're saying.

  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by moongazer View Post
    I think you are meaning that she is financially beholden to him, and if she doesn't go back to work, merely in order to get back into the workforce, she may be in a precarious financial situation in the future if she decides to leave.

    I hope that is what you actually meant.

    Not that she "belongs" to him.
    That's exactly what I mean... I don't think it's fair either but that's how the cookie crumbles. We have a society that encourages patriarchy and while we are busy "looking after" our darling husbands like good wives we detriment our own independence. If you want to rely on a man for money and not financially contribute you must understand there could be a price to pay if you're husband is selfish and controlling.

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  8. #66
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    If my DF dared to speak to me like that he would come home to his s*** all over the front lawn and the locks changed.

  9. #67
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    I wasn't so much saying she does but regardless her husband is clearly under the impression should he be the bread winner she belongs to him... I guess it's up to the op if she's willing to accept that... I know I wouldn't be.

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  10. #68
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    Op....if you left him...if only for a temp separation to pull his head in....he'd be paying you a good sum of child support. If it were me, I'd send him to his mother's to teach him a lesson. If he has a problem with his "boring" job, then he needs to grow up and change his employment. You have every right to be a sahm and enjoy your little ones.
    Last edited by ozeymumof5; 02-04-2014 at 20:31.

  11. #69
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    I rely on my dh 100% financially.
    He doesn't own me and I certainly don't belong to him.
    I gave up a wonderful career to be his wife and have a family.
    I get what your saying and yes it's good advice.... To retain financial independence really does prevent this sort of controlling behaviour but once you tie the knot, you become a team and I think the email her dh sent her is totally out of line and disrespectful. And to think he has daughters.... How would he feel if a man spoke to them like that in the future?
    He sounds like a control freak.

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  13. #70
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    I did waste a lot of time fighting my ex about why I had every right not to go back to work because his income was so high... I still struggled as a single mother of 3 children without him. Had I not been so proud to fight with my inner feminist in mind I may have actually improved my chances without him... A good phrase comes to mind... "Don't cut of your nose to spite your face..."

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