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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    Just read most recent message from OP. Are you here on permanent residence visa? Do your children have Australian citizenship? I haven't got around to getting my citizenship but my PR visa entitles me to everything I would have as a citizen except voting. I think you need to really investigate your rights to obtain citizenship, without his sponsorship. Obviously things are a lot worse than your original post implied. This is Australia not Saudi Arabia. Women have rights in this country. I know my PR visa was approved automatically because DP is Australian and we had a child together. Personally, I think your priority is to figure out where you stand in Australia without him. If he is away from home for 5 weeks at a time you have time to start looking into your options. If you realise you need more time, perhaps you could act like you are trying to find a job? Although personally with a man that controlling I would be nervous about leaving my child with the MIL.
    Good luck.
    Even though we do not live in 'Saudi Arabia' and women here supposedly have rights... Be realistic... Until you have had to flee a domestic violence situation don't assume it's easy. I'm sorry if I sound rude but this does hit a nerve for me. I can't count how many times I heard why didn't you just leave? I find it offensive to think you want to weigh in and judge my comment when you've not ever had to leave an abusive relationship. It wasn't finished after I left my abusive ex partner continued to use money to control me. I had to share a house with another mother and some nights I fed my kids 2 minute noodles to scrap by... Do you understand the hurt and humiliation to live on the poverty line while watching the person who mentally and emotionally destroyed you live in his own expensive house, eating expensive food and spending money on some stupid loser girlfriend of his young enough to be his daughter... You really have no idea.

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  2. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    You are completely misinterpreting my words. Speaking from experience you are owned by the person who is financially controlling you wether you like it or not. I didn't leave an abusive relationship for years because there is no way I could have fed and kept a roof over my kids head... So I suffered. I don't think it's fair but that's the reality of life. I wish I had set myself up instead of arguing for my feminist rights over the years. Controlling abusive men know when you rely solely on them financially they do own you to some degree. That's why I said it's not right...

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    I'm truly sorry you have been through such a hard time, luckily I can't really imagine what it must be like to go through that, to suffer abuse to keep a roof over your head. In a healthy non abusive relationship there is no ownership, no matter how financially dependent either party might be.

  3. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    I'm truly sorry you have been through such a hard time, luckily I can't really imagine what it must be like to go through that, to suffer abuse to keep a roof over your head. In a healthy non abusive relationship there is no ownership, no matter how financially dependent either party might be.
    I wasn't talking about a healthy relationship. You can not compare your situation it's like comparing apples and oranges.

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  4. #154
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    Even though we do not live in 'Saudi Arabia' and women here supposedly have rights... Be realistic... Until you have had to flee a domestic violence situation don't assume it's easy. I'm sorry if I sound rude but this does hit a nerve for me. I can't count how many times I heard why didn't you just leave? I find it offensive to think you want to weigh in and judge my comment when you've not ever had to leave an abusive relationship. It wasn't finished after I left my abusive ex partner continued to use money to control me. I had to share a house with another mother and some nights I fed my kids 2 minute noodles to scrap by... Do you understand the hurt and humiliation to live on the poverty line while watching the person who mentally and emotionally destroyed you live in his own expensive house, eating expensive food and spending money on some stupid loser girlfriend of his young enough to be his daughter... You really have no idea.

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    I'm sorry this has hit such a nerve for you. I wasn't suggesting it would be easy for someone in an abusive relationship to get out, the OP had just mentioned the citizen issue and I think she should look into her rights.

  5. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    I'm sorry this has hit such a nerve for you. I wasn't suggesting it would be easy for someone in an abusive relationship to get out, the OP had just mentioned the citizen issue and I think she should look into her rights.
    What you think is right or wrong is irrelevant. I do think it's wrong that money and power is abused in the wrong hands... It's not black and white, it's an extremely vexed issue.

    The vulnerable position women are put in when they give up the prime of their lives to raise children is open to abuse in the wrong hands. I came on here years ago all fired up to stand up to an abusive ex partner with others telling me it wasn't fair or right.

    The fact though I had not planned instead fled when I had the opportunity I was behind the 8 ball. I wished I'd spent those years working on independence so I could have been free of further abuse.

    As unfair as it is the way things are you continue to be oppressed after leaving. It doesn't end there if you have no support or financial independence.

    I naively thought leaving even underprepepared would mean a better emotional state... I found out that I was punished even further. It's hard so hard to watch someone who did so wrong to you still trump you when you are supposed to be free.

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  6. #156
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    At the end of the day what someone thinks is wrong or right didn't pay my bills or feed my kids... You just have to make do with what you can in bad circumstances.


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  7. #157
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    I wonder if you did get a job would he expect you to be at home with him on his week off? Cooking and cleaning and looking after him etc.

    So if your working and not technically a 'housewife' does that mean you can relax about the cooking and cleaning on his week off??

  8. #158
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    How are you going OP?


 

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