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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshorewife View Post
    Ok so here's the run down.


    I have worked previously, each job I had he had to approve of. I'm not allowed to work in a bar etc.

    I am a qualified meat assessor( basically post mortem on animals)
    Because I am not an Australia citizen I cannot work as this role because it's government sector.

    I would need to get citizenship before I could make a decent income and guess who won't sponsor me for citizenship?

    I have left before, child support was ok but he managed to guilt trip me in to paying less because he couldn't pay the mortgage apparently. And if he missed a payment we would lose the house and I would have nothing in settlement.


    Ive decided to leave again. I have other emails that are worse. Including him telling me it's rude of me to visit my parents whilst he's at sea because we aren't doing it as a couple. He is trying to isolate me.

    He he also takes the car off me when he doesn't get his own way and has it gps tracked.




    im done


    Thing that is going to be hard is that I'm not entitled to parenting payments so I have to find a job anyway with or without him
    Good for you by standing up for yourself. You are not his property, and as if he cant afford the mortgage on his income. I'm pretty sure if you say no you have to pay what is expected by CSA the bills will get paid until the house is sold. He's just calling your bluff on it, and it worked the first time. You'll be far better off without him, money isnt the be all end all. I'd rather be poor & happy than have a good income and miserable

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  3. #122
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    Make sure you plan before you leave. Set yourself up as much as you can so he can't try and control you further with money.
    Last edited by Trusty Chords; 03-04-2014 at 13:24.

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  5. #123
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    Totally agree with the pp'er. It isn't fair, the system isn't fair and its not going to ever be fair but you can not stay in a situation because it is going to be a hard road. If he is away right now, get support and make a plan. Make copies of emails that you can show a centrelink social worker, copy tax returns and anything to do with assets, passports, medicare cards- anything that you may need in the future. Just talking to someone in DV can help get you clarity. Don't be put off making an informed decision for yourself and your kids.

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  7. #124
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    Not not all. It was my decision to return to work when I wanted. A year off was plenty for me. We didn't have financial stress either.

    I wouldn't like my MIL looking after my child either so that suggestion would annoy me.

  8. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offshorewife View Post
    Ok so here's the run down.


    I have worked previously, each job I had he had to approve of. I'm not allowed to work in a bar etc.

    I am a qualified meat assessor( basically post mortem on animals)
    Because I am not an Australia citizen I cannot work as this role because it's government sector.

    I would need to get citizenship before I could make a decent income and guess who won't sponsor me for citizenship?

    I have left before, child support was ok but he managed to guilt trip me in to paying less because he couldn't pay the mortgage apparently. And if he missed a payment we would lose the house and I would have nothing in settlement.


    Ive decided to leave again. I have other emails that are worse. Including him telling me it's rude of me to visit my parents whilst he's at sea because we aren't doing it as a couple. He is trying to isolate me.

    He he also takes the car off me when he doesn't get his own way and has it gps tracked.




    im done


    Thing that is going to be hard is that I'm not entitled to parenting payments so I have to find a job anyway with or without him
    Oh honey, I'm so sorry. That behavior is not acceptable. He is not normal and that controlling behavior is very scary. Having the car gps tracked is crazy! I hope you have friends and family who will be able to support you during this difficult time. Lots of love and strength your way!

  9. #126
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    I agree it sounds like you need to get out, but I also agree with the others, try and have a plan and squirrel away as much money as possible before you go.

    Big hugs sweetie.

  10. #127
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    Great that you have made a decision,and it sounds VERY justified!

    I totally agree about forward planning, when I left, I planned and saved for 6 months, but even a few weeks can really help with organising everything, and psyching yourself up.

    How are you off for support irl, seeing as Oz isn't your home country? Any family or good friends you will be able to count on?


  11. #128
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    Good luck OP. You are doing the right thing for your children by not putting up with this controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour. There is some great advice already and don't be afraid to keep asking.

    For those which say we are too quick to judge- I don't care what has been said by OP if they are fighting but that email rings alarm bells. My husband would NEVER say anything like that no matter how angry. Especially in an email where there is time to reflect what you are saying. That disgusting email indicates the love and respect there is gone and the relationship is irreparable.

  12. #129
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    This post of yours from a year ago shows there have been pretty major issues for a fair while, and I hope you feel you have more support now, than you felt you had then.

    I'm at my wits end with my husbands drinking I can't take anymore.
    He works away for 5 weeks and when he gets home he drinks every night. We have just had a new baby, I'm tired but not because of her. I'm tired because my husband goes out every weekend or has people over through the week. He wakes me up when he comes to bed. ( being loud, argumentive then when he finally goes to sleep he snores really loud.) I then have to get up and sleep elsewhere. But I don't sleep I cry all night wishing things were different.

    He calls me lazy if I want to rest during the day. I'm just tired and want to give up. I have no support here at all. No one to turn to.

    I feel like I have no option but to put up with it. If I had elsewhere to go I would leave until he sorted his problems. He is the sole provider, everything is his. The house the car and everything in it. I gave up everything I had for him including family.

    I'm not entitled to benefits to get back on feet and my family are over seas I'm 100% alone. I just can't take it anymore.

    This is not how I pictured my marriage at all. It makes me very very sad.

    As you can see its 3 am, I've been crying all night. I will be up feeding my 11week old shortly then my 5yrold will be up at 7.

    I won't get another opportunity to sleep until tomorrow night... But it will no doubt be the same process.


    You need to get a lawyer (or legal aid) as things are not in your name, so you will not be left with nothing if he tries to play hard ball.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Good luck OP. You are doing the right thing for your children by not putting up with this controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour. There is some great advice already and don't be afraid to keep asking.

    For those which say we are too quick to judge- I don't care what has been said by OP if they are fighting but that email rings alarm bells. My husband would NEVER say anything like that no matter how angry. Especially in an email where there is time to reflect what you are saying. That disgusting email indicates the love and respect there is gone and the relationship is irreparable.
    Yes I agree with this it sounds like he just wants to hurt and control you, if you don't need the money surely there is no harm in staying home, I know my hubby would love me to be able to be at home.
    I'm on mat leave currently and do the majority of the home duties and I know he would (privately) expect probably even more if I don't go back when ds2 is 1, although he knows saying something like that email would be the end of him lol.
    Someone wrote something interesting also in regards to behaviors changing when around certain ppl? Well my hubby works in the mines on a high income and there is definitely a knucklehead bunch that like to tell him what their women do for them and what they think I should be doing for him!
    These types of men end up old and lonely regretting not seeing their kids grow up.
    I always point out to him that most of these men are at least once divorced!

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