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  1. #11
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    I know a couple who had/have issues like this - So because it became such an issue, he just started sneaking around at parties and doing it behind his missus' back! That was even worse.... but because she got so angry, and would pretty much put a end to the party because she'd go off her head, and he still wanted to very occasionally partake, he resulted to doing it behind her back at the parties. It was painful to watch. I ended up telling her what he was doing, as i couldn't handle her being treated like she was so clueless. Her partner saw it as her trying to control him. I think she has finally got through to him now though because he doesn't go out at all now.

    Anyways i personally feel you should let it go if he claims it was his last hurrah before your baby comes. So once off meaning this was the first time he ever did it? If that's the case, then i'd let it go... But if you feel he is just plain disrespectful to you and this was the icing on the cake, then there is a lot more than just the once of drug use to address. I wouldn't make it just about the drug use if i were to address this with him, i would make this about his complete disregard for how you feel. As soon as you mention the line he did he will probably go into "Stop trying to control me" mode. and not even listen to what you're saying. But if you make it more about the disregard for your feelings, and your concerns about his self control once your baby is here,that may hit more to home? Bring it up calmly.... but id be stern as well. He needs to know when your baby is here you are not taking any more ****. You'll be a mumma bear then there will be no place for him in your cave if he is going to be selfish.

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  3. #12
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    I just wish his brother could see it from my point and stop forcing this stuff on my partner. Because all my partner wants is his brothers approval. Dont know why! I just wish it was all a nightmare.

    Like I am fine with weed. But when it comes to sniffing stuff. I honestly dont know. I dont wanna push the subject with him. But he could lose a lot if he gets caught. So its not just about me and the baby. Its everything and he doesnt seem to get it.

  4. #13
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    What does his brother say when you get angry about it? Maybe after seeing how mad you were they will realise it's not a good idea to do it next time.

    OR.... they could just do it without you knowing to escape the anger. Which is not good either.

    I just feel if this isn't a regular thing, then you will have to probably compromise.

    Weed is also illegal and he can lose everything using that too.

    Heavy drinking also gets frowned upon.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 01-04-2014 at 08:06.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessed Be View Post
    I know a couple who had/have issues like this - So because it became such an issue, he just started sneaking around at parties and doing it behind his missus' back! That was even worse.... but because she got so angry, and would pretty much put a end to the party because she'd go off her head, and he still wanted to very occasionally partake, he resulted to doing it behind her back at the parties. It was painful to watch. I ended up telling her what he was doing, as i couldn't handle her being treated like she was so clueless. Her partner saw it as her trying to control him. I think she has finally got through to him now though because he doesn't go out at all now.

    Anyways i personally feel you should let it go if he claims it was his last hurrah before your baby comes. So once off meaning this was the first time he ever did it? If that's the case, then i'd let it go... But if you feel he is just plain disrespectful to you and this was the icing on the cake, then there is a lot more than just the once of drug use to address. I wouldn't make it just about the drug use if i were to address this with him, i would make this about his complete disregard for how you feel. As soon as you mention the line he did he will probably go into "Stop trying to control me" mode. and not even listen to what you're saying. But if you make it more about the disregard for your feelings, and your concerns about his self control once your baby is here,that may hit more to home? Bring it up calmly.... but id be stern as well. He needs to know when your baby is here you are not taking any more ****. You'll be a mumma bear then there will be no place for him in your cave if he is going to be selfish.
    This wasnt the first time he has used speed. He used it when he was younger.

    Yeah I will have to sit down with him and calmly tell him how I feel. But it just seems like everytime I try and do that he makes it out as a joke. I dont want to control him. But I also dont want him to do that stuff around our child.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessed Be View Post
    What does his brother say when you get angry about it? Maybe after seeing how mad you were they will realise it's not a good idea to do it next time.

    OR.... they could just do it without you knowing to escape the anger. Which is not good either.

    I just feel if this isn't a regular thing, then you will have to probably compromise.

    Weed is also illegal and he can lose everything using that too.

    Heavy drinking also gets frowned upon.
    His brother just says I have no idea what I am talking about and that was also another reason I just snapped Saturday night. I told his brother straight out what I know and that shocked him. Because the stuff I know should actually be a family secret.

    Nah his brother just sees it as a hormonal hissy fit. His brother will never change.
    Last edited by Annommous; 01-04-2014 at 08:11.

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    Yeah around your child is a massive no no - but TBH for all you know he may share the same mentality with that. Enjoying the occasional partake in a party environment does not mean they have no morals when it comes to children. Talk about it with him, ask him what is views are with children being around and take it from there.

    I think you need to make it clear to him though that if he ever does it with your LO around, that's a deal breaker.

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annommous View Post
    His brother just says I have no idea what I am talking about and that was also another reason I just snapped Saturday night. I told his brother straight out what I know and that shocked him. Because the stuff I know should actually be a family secret.

    Nah his brother just sees it as a hormonal hissy fit. His brother will never change.
    Well hopefully he has learned his lesson now to not talk to you like that because you do know more than what he gives you credit for. Good for you love! He sounds like a bit of a prat.

  10. #18
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    It really would be a deal breaker then. I have seen what this can do to a family and I wont have that.

    He is away at the moment doing his last fly in fly out before baby comes. So will have to wait till he gets back to talk to him about it.

    I honestly hope he was honest when he said it was his last. I cant handle being around that stuff.

  11. #19
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    If you cant trust him 100% of the time then its time to leave in my opinion.

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    What is it about brothers? Seriously? DH is like this with his brother. Seems to take everything he does and says as the law. He worships him. He lives on the other side of the country so it is not too much of an issue.

    I have been in your situation. DH knows my stance on Drugs, but he very very very rarely does them. I know its not a dependent thing. I put my foot down a few years ago and said nope, no way, not ever, and he would sneak behind my back. I wasn't stupid - i knew. It caused massive fights etc. The worst thing i did was bring it up in public, which when i look at it now was not the right way to approach the situation. It made him feel like he was being controlled and treated like a child infront of his friends and family if you know what i mean.

    Anyhoo, i ended up sitting him down one day and told him exactly how i felt, that i hated it, that i hated him sneaking around. His side of things was that he did it soo rarely that it should not be such an issue. We came up with the compromise that he was to tell me - in advance - and tell me exactly what he was taking, how much and at what time. This meant i had time to prepare myself, i knew what was going on and could act if something happened. I also wouldn't drink that night either and DD was not to be there. At all.

    I still hate it, nothing is ever going to change that, but It was not a deal breaker for me so i had to come up with some sort of compromise. If DH gives me warning and i say no not that night because of whatever reason (valid reasons not just i don't want you to) he hasn't.

    Don't know if this helps or not but i have been in your situation and it sucks.


 

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