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  1. #1
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    Default Does anyone's children not like to see their dad?

    I'm still going through the family court and will have an adversarial hearing next month. My ds aged 7 complains that he doesn't want to go to his dad's as much as he does and everytime he is returned home he flies through the door and just wants to sit/lay on me for as long as he can. It breaks my heart. At dad's he gets put in time out in a dark laundry, has to sleep in his own bed (which is fine) but if he wakes in the night scared he just gets sent back to his own room and if he's sick he's told he can't get out of bed and is to stay laying down. My ds has also told me that the other kids (the new gf's older girls) will dish out ice cream and just give my son an empty bowl. They think it's hilarious. Ds refuses to sleep in his own room when at home and in the past few months he has had night terrors from anywhere between every 2nd night to 3 times each night. My dd (23 months) doesn't go for sleepovers but she too runs inside on her return and has night terrors 2-4 times per night- sometimes waking sometimes not. I have taken my son to see a child psych who has encouraged ds to tell his father how he feels about certain things but my ds has come home deflated saying his dad didn't listen and didn't care about his feelings and told ds that ds better just get used to things as they are now. I think this post was triggered by going to my son's footy this afternoon. I knew his dad would be there so I told ds he would be. When ds got out of the car and saw his dad he clung to me and began to cry. I told him not to look at his dad and we would just focus on looking at his coach till he was safely with his team. His dad kept his distance and I watched my son keeping a wary eye out for his dad the whole time.

    I'm doing every possible legal and practical thing for my kids but it just breaks my heart to see my children so affected by their fathers behaviour knowing also that they have to regularly see their dad even when they don't often want to. Anyone else want to share their story?

  2. #2
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    My goodness you poor thing! I can't help but think there is something else going on here....

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    BbBbBh  (31-03-2014)

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    It must be SO hard to send your DS off to his dads in this situation!

    You said you're going through the courts, and that your DS had seen a child psychologist. Perhaps the psychologist's report will help in court. As long as you are actively encouraging his relationship with his dad then these things should be considered in the courts. The courts must consider a child's views where a child expresses whom they wish to live with.

    I wish more dads would realise that they should spend much more alone time with their non-custodial kids! I personally think this should be a part of mediation arrangements and written into family law because its very important and is in the child's best interest, which is now the foundation of family law.

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    BbBbBh  (31-03-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Oh boy, your story sounds eerily familiar.

    My kids also hate hate hate going to see their father. They are older though.

    My 16 year old DS stopped seeing him for the last 6 months or so of last year, but is back now as exdh is bribing him to go.

    My 3 girls especially my 11 year also hate going. There are lots of reasons - neglect (eg he doesn't wash their sheets), food issues - he rations out food eg they can only eat at certain times, and doesn't feed them food they actually like. His girlfriend has a huge stockpile of chips/ chocolate / icecream which the kids aren't allowed to touch but she eats it in front of the kids. She also feeds icecream to her kids if they are over, but mine can't have any.

    There's a lot more, mainly to do with exdhs abusive past and how he still treats the kids. His girlfriend is also pretty horrid to them and will openly tell exdh she doesn't want them there, count down the hours / minutes until they go home.

    We have court orders though and the kids see him every second weekend. I have been told by my lawyer that he would pretty well have to start bashing them up every weekend for me to have a good enough reason to stop sending them.
    How blo.ody awful! Thank god the kids are a bit older and wont have to put up with that for too much longer - It reminds me of my cold, unfriendly step-mother who was horrible to me and my brother. I still feel very uncomfortable going over there and I'm 39! I never visit anymore, they don't give a cr.ap anyway.

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    Sorry to hear, it must be so hard I can't even imagine. DD whose7 sometimes doesn't want to go but it's not every second wkend which helps.

    To me it sounds like you're doing the right thing on your half & should continue to encourage your son to expresses his concerns to his dad.

    I really hope things get better for the both of you x

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    BbBbBh  (31-03-2014)

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    munchkin05 is offline just me, my boy and my baby bump
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    My DS was like this to when his dad would come to pick him up he would run and hide out the back so then his dad couldn't get him
    We went to a psychologist for over a year she tried everything like telling dad what your feeling blah blah but like in your case dad didn't listen told my son to stop lying and being silly

    After 4 years fighting in court we finally got final orders which are pretty standard every second weekend half of the holidays etc EXCEPT they now state in front of each order that it is "SUBJECT TO *childs name* wishes

    He chooses when and if he sees his dad or has phone contact
    My DS was 7 when these orders where made and since then hasn't wanted to contact his dad and his dad hasn't tried either

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  12. #7
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    I have no advice as my DS1 is only 2.5 and so far loves going to his Dads. I can't ever see that changing either.

    What a horrible situation for your son though. That made me sad reading it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Oh boy, your story sounds eerily familiar.

    My kids also hate hate hate going to see their father. They are older though.

    My 16 year old DS stopped seeing him for the last 6 months or so of last year, but is back now as exdh is bribing him to go.

    My 3 girls especially my 11 year also hate going. There are lots of reasons - neglect (eg he doesn't wash their sheets), food issues - he rations out food eg they can only eat at certain times, and doesn't feed them food they actually like. His girlfriend has a huge stockpile of chips/ chocolate / icecream which the kids aren't allowed to touch but she eats it in front of the kids. She also feeds icecream to her kids if they are over, but mine can't have any.

    There's a lot more, mainly to do with exdhs abusive past and how he still treats the kids. His girlfriend is also pretty horrid to them and will openly tell exdh she doesn't want them there, count down the hours / minutes until they go home.

    We have court orders though and the kids see him every second weekend. I have been told by my lawyer that he would pretty well have to start bashing them up every weekend for me to have a good enough reason to stop sending them.
    Yep same crap. DS says he is only allowed to shower once per day so if he plays sport, swims he has to go to bed dirty if he showered that morning (because hid dad says he doesn't want anyone wasting HIS water). His dad keeps timtams and chocolate in the wardrobe and won't share with ds. If he asks for a treat he gets given an apple If he is still hungry after dinner he is not allowed more food. Not long ago he wised up to his dad who used to tell him, as he was dropping him home to me, that he was taking the other kids to Luna Park, the zoo, mcdonalds. My son came home and said 'I know dad lies. He says he is going to those places to upset me but he really doesn't go'. The psychological torment of the kids kills me inside
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 29-03-2014 at 21:09.

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    Yep, my DD hates going to her dad's. My oldest boy is ok with it, my youngest boy doesn't like it but tries not to complain much.
    Similar reasons as PP's. I wrote them all out but deleted as my kids are scared to talk negatively about it incase he finds out. And I just can't be too sure who reads here.

    I am wondering how long they *have* to go for, I am wondering what will happen when my DD and DS2 realise that some kids kick up a stink and no longer have to go.

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    I am the grown adult version of your children. My father was an awful, abusive creature. I had to visit every weekend. This only worsened when he remarried. I suggest if you hold fears you should do everything in your power to have these poor excuses for parents rights removed. Your children do not deserve a head full of bad memories from a parent that does not deserve them. Fight with every ounce of energy you have.

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