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  1. #1
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    Default Tricky situation

    Advice needed please, what would you do?

    So long story short DP and his mother aren't talking, after a fight his mother and we had a couple of months ago. In short DP wants his mum to apologize, she refuses so he doesn't want to speak to her until she does. Shes got me blocked on FB and he's got her blocked on FB. I also suspect his siblings are ****y with it all, taking their mums side and not asking DP what happened.

    Anyway his 30th is soon and he wants to have his family there, which means we will be seeing her there for a dinner most likely.

    My question is, seeing as we'll be seeing them soon and she hasn't budged, she'd rather not see her son than make peace. Should we just make peace and make her feel "right" for the sake of the family, or just go out with friends and not see his family? To be honest I'm over it all and just want things back to the way they were, but I'll always feel as though shes gotten away with it and can act that way again. I'm absolutely dreading seeing his family as we have not seen any of them since before the argument, so it's going to be so awkward at his family dinner anyway. If we are going to be seeing them again soon, would it be better to "pop by" one day before his birthday or just see them there?

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    Families! Can't live with em, can't live without em!
    I've been kinda in similar situations. My mother took the wrong side regarding me & my ex husband. Eventually HE called her thinking she'd take his side but she kinda just took my side but without saying I was right or anything. It's a bit weird because it's now as if it never happened & we haven't spoken about it even though my entire family froze me out for about 2 years 😕

    When I got remarried I invited all my family knowing full well more than half of them wouldn't come - but I felt like if at least been the bigger person & gave them the decision to be petty or not (they chose the latter).

    You really have to consider your own dynamics. could you have a good time if you invite them & they do come?

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    Pusheen The Cat  (25-03-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Legeyt View Post
    Families! Can't live with em, can't live without em!
    I've been kinda in similar situations. My mother took the wrong side regarding me & my ex husband. Eventually HE called her thinking she'd take his side but she kinda just took my side but without saying I was right or anything. It's a bit weird because it's now as if it never happened & we haven't spoken about it even though my entire family froze me out for about 2 years ������

    When I got remarried I invited all my family knowing full well more than half of them wouldn't come - but I felt like if at least been the bigger person & gave them the decision to be petty or not (they chose the latter).

    You really have to consider your own dynamics. could you have a good time if you invite them & they do come?
    Yeah thats the thing, we're thinking of inviting everyone, so no one is excluded, so the invitation is there, as in we're opening our arms and wanting to move on. But I'm worried that she will bring up where we left off and it'll ruin the night.

    DP couldn't be bothered doing anything for his 30th, I we're not really party type people, but I do want to do something special for him. Maybe I could organize a nice romantic dinner for the two of us as a surprise or something? I'd love to go away for the weekend just the two of us but money is tight

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    I have been in a situation where myself and my MIL had a big fight, which left DH in an awkward position. She refused to apologise and so did I. In the end after weeks of avoidance I decided to be the mature one and (rather than apologising specifically) I just asked her if we could move past it all. She agreed and we did end up discussing the fight (which was frustrating to say the least) but it got sorted and now we have moved on. I think by inviting them to DPs birthday dinner you are in effect setting the wheels in motion to move on and get past this disagreement. Probably a good thing I would think.

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    My mother also took the wrong side and I have nothing to do with her. I invite my little brother to things but not my mother or the others who also chose sides. She needs to make the first move and until then, she remains no part of our life. Dh's parents are in the same boat. It hurts, but after all she/they've put me through, I'm not going to fake it anymore just for the sake of family. Times change and so does family values....no more shoving things under the mat, it's not how I raise my kids and it's not the right way to sort things out.

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    hi pusheenthecat, my answer depends on the birthday party. If it is going to be a big gathering at a venue with other members of the public around, I would invite the whole family and hope for a peaceful night and perhaps some end to the fighting. If you have just a family dinner at your home, the fight could just become round two. I would talk ever thing over with your dh and see what he wants to happen. I agree a nice weekend away would be great, or even a nice meal just the two of you. marie.

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    Forgive, not because she deserves forgiveness but because you deserve peace.
    I'm always the one to make peace. Family is too precious to fight with.

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    Dp & I haven't hear from Mil still, but hes spoken to his dad, surprisingly, his dad hasn't asked what hes planning on doing for his 30th. We've decided were going to go out to a nice restaurant and take the night from there. I feel bad because he isn't doing stuff with his friends, but he couldn't be bothered organizing anything. Maybe we could meet his friends at a pub later on in the city.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post
    Dp & I haven't hear from Mil still, but hes spoken to his dad, surprisingly, his dad hasn't asked what hes planning on doing for his 30th. We've decided were going to go out to a nice restaurant and take the night from there. I feel bad because he isn't doing stuff with his friends, but he couldn't be bothered organizing anything. Maybe we could meet his friends at a pub later on in the city.
    Why don't you invite his friends to the restaurant as well? Then you all can go out for the night from there? Or go out for a good pub meal then stay at that pub... maybe pick one with a decent band on. Make a night of it

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blessed Be View Post
    Why don't you invite his friends to the restaurant as well? Then you all can go out for the night from there? Or go out for a good pub meal then stay at that pub... maybe pick one with a decent band on. Make a night of it
    We actually decided on the weekend, to do exactly that!. Theres a pub up the road which does good pub meals, so were having dinner there and who ever is free to come is coming, seeing as it's late notice, but thanks for the idea

    DP is so down about it all though, not because of his family, but worried no one will be free to come out of his friends, a few of my friends are coming to dinner though. He's getting an xbox one for his b'day as a surprise though

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