These are hilarious! I needed a good laugh this week, thanks!
I often find myself saying to DD 14 months, as she squirms whilst I attempt to change her nappy - "keeps your hands off your vag*na!! Stop rolling you've got poo on your bum and you'll get it all over the bed!! NO POO BUM ON THE DOONA!!". As the words are coming out of my mouth I imagine what the neighbours must be thinking haha