Girls i need some advice on how you handle friends. I feel really, really lonely on the ivf journey. I have the most incredible husband in the world, unbelievably supportive, sensitive and wonderful but we have found our friends to be really absent throughout ivf. Only rarely have we had a mate check in and see how we are, they all knew we were going for egg pick up and transfer and knew it didn't work out for us this month. I just wished one of them had texted to see how we are. Actually one did. I don't want to resent my mates but it's quickly happening for me, i don't want to see them. I also know im in a bit of grief from failed first ivf with a chemical so im more vulnerable right now. Thank god boards like this exist but im sad i don't have the support in my "real" life. How do you girls deal with the loneliness of this journey and not end up resenting friends?
@blossom1 what you're feeling is completely normal. I'm finding myself being resentful of others having babies when in the past I would've been first in line for cuddles, now I find excuses to stay away. Feels so unlike me but I can't seem to change how I feel. Our situation is a bit different in that most people don't know what we're going through, only a handful know, so it's not like I can explain why I feel uncomfortable being around babies & preggos friends. But I did recently have the conversation with my mum, asking why she doesn't ask more often how I'm doing, and she said she knows I'm a private person & doesn't want to pry. Now she knows I want to be asked & to talk about it. Maybe let your friends know how to support you? They may be unsure if you want to be asked? This whole process is just so incredibly trying, emotional & physical rollercoaster. Take care of yourself
Hi @blossom1 I have only ever told one of my friends I was going through IVF. It was my 2nd last cycle and I was a little heart broken she didnt ask how it was going or went. Last time I decided not to tell her.
I've never told any of my family that I've done IVF. In my case, I'm fully aware that I won't get the kind of support I want/need so decided its not worth the extra upset during what is always a stressful time cycling!
Hence my complete appreciation for this forum. Not only are ladies supportive, but they know EXACTLY what you are going through. It makes you feel normal when others have been there and done that. It has really helped me, esp when sending myself crazy during my last 2ww!
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I know exactly how you feel about the baby thing too! Its so hard hey! Thanks for your messagexxx
That's so sad and sorry to hear that u feel you don't get the support of friends, I actually am the most open person when it come to my ivf, all my family and friends know, I am a hairdresser and most if not all of my clients know about it to and I always talk about it step by step, now as the journey goes on sometimes I wish I was not so open about it but at the same time I find the support, the advise and just talking about it the biggest help for me to get through it someone always has a story of a friends friends that I like hearing lol. When I was told I'd need donor eggs and I have random clients offering me eggs, it's nice but very uncomfortable lol so at times like that I wish I didn't mention anything. The only one who I would have said has disappointed me through my year with ivf is my dad who I was super close to has shown absolutely no interest at all in what has been happening and sadly my relationship with him will never be the same as I've 3 siblings and he always knows when I'm going for egg pick ups, when I get bad results and worst of all when I finally made it to transfer I never heard a thing from him... I get really ****ed because if family/ friends kids have a cold or hurt there arm or something we always ask how there are but for some reason with ivf , ppl think is a walk in the park.. My boss actually tried to compete with me saying get over it your going through ivf like hundreds of other ppl then proceeded to tell me that she almost died on clomid lol there is no competition when she has two children all because my egg pick up was on a Saturday .. Some ppl just don't get it so as time goes on I try not to worry but I also never forget.. Hope I didn't rant to much just know how u feel, chin up an seek support from those who make u feel like they r there 100% and with u every step of the way. X
@blossom1 I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I have to say that I never really thought about it during my cycles, but when I look back, and even now while a lot of friends and family aren't aware of our bfp hpt today, we have actually had a fair bit of support and there are a handful waiting with baited breath for the results. The friend who has been the most supportive is the one who has also just been through IVF so she completely understands. I think that may be key! I guess I never went into this with the mindset of having or needing support from my friends. I felt it was DH and my journey to face together and what we got on top of that was a bonus. My DH has been amazing.
Even though you might have explained things, if they haven't gone through it, they won't understand the significance of each step. If I think back, the friend enquiries were thin over times like egg retrieval and transfer. 2 really huge steps...but I knew that most of them wouldn't have a clue so I just updated the friend who went through IVF coz she asked. She knew exactly what it meant.
I don't think you can necessarily change how your friends take to this and it will likely be causing a huge amount of stress for something you can't necessarily do anything about. I feel that you may be better off trying to shift your mindset because at the end of the day, I have no doubt that it's not that they don't care...but rather that they just don't understand fully. Even though you have explained it. Try think of it like that rather and don't put so much weight in it.
I know it's a different kind of support on the forum, but it's a great kind of support. People who know EXACTLY what's going on. My IVF friend lives back in South Africa so I only communicate with her via FB...so she's kind of like my forum buddy anyway! 😊
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