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  1. #1
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    Default I just wish something would 'work'

    14 days and counting till my first appointment with a psyc who is actually experienced with mental health issues.

    I've realised this morning that I've been looking at this one single appointment as if it's going to 'fix' me which is obviously not the case, this is really the beginning of more hard work, not the end.. It's probably going to take the whole block of appointments just to explain my history.. But at least I'm going! This time I'm actually going to make it to the appointments.

    I'm swaying between hating myself & reminding myself none of it is my fault. It's so chaotic in my mind at times all I can do is sit here and stare. But dd will be awake soon so I need to get my **** together & get up.

    I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I hate anxiety with a passion. It has taken over my life. I feel like crying but that's pretty much physically impossible with the meds I'm on. I havnt had OCD since I was 8 so why the hell is that rearing it's ugly head now? Why is my social anxiety getting worse! I just want to crawl under a rock & die.

    Just this week I've starting having flash backs to my childhood. I keep thinking DH is going to do something horrible to DD. DH is the most gentle caring soul & I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt her it's hard to explain.

    The other day I was having a shower with the door closed & DD was on the other side whinging to get it. I was trying to ignore her. Then I heard 3 loud whacks, I ran out of the shower & flung open the door because to me it sounded like DH was belting DD with the tv remote. he was on the other side of the door with DD & I said 'what are you doing?'.. He was clapping at her.. As in clapping for her to come to him.. Things like this happen all the time.

    I find it hard to leave her with anyone except MIL because I don't trust them.

    DD also has ASD and her language is difficult so if anything did happen I don't think she could tell me anyway which compounds the issues.

    I don't know why I'm writing this.. Hoping it will help to just get it out.

  2. #2
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    I "lost" it a bit after the birth of my kids. It mainly came out in being afraid of germs and sickness. Things from my childhood re emerged and haunted me. My thoughts were completely illogical and distorted and caused me so much anxiety that I eventually isolated myself and became severely depressed.

    I just wanted to drop by and say hang in there... It's just an illness. You'll get treatment and get better. You'll get back to normal. Don't lose hope. It took me a couple of years but I'm completely off all meds now and probably even better than I was before because Iam now a kinder, more empathetic and tolerant person which are traits I really want my kids to have. Xx

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    Mummy Potato  (19-03-2014)

  4. #3
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    I experience anxiety as well. Just wanted to say well done for making the appt with the psych. It can be challenging just making the appointment which I know as I've just recently done the same myself. Even if you are not better after the first few appointments, just taking control of the anxiety by starting to talk about it is a step in itself.
    I'm certainly not 'fixed' but I agree that I am a more empathetic and nicer person these days. I certainly have a much greater understanding for others issues.

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    Mummy Potato  (19-03-2014)

  6. #4
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    I can totally understand you counting down the days to your appt, I did the same. It's such a relief to have someone help after dealing with it alone. I can also understand the flashbacks. It's hard bringing all that stuff up to the front of your mind again, even just preparing to talk about it is tough. It Will 'work' but it's not a quick fix. It's 18m since I started counselling and I'm now coming off meds and feeling much better. I hope it goes well for you
    Last edited by Gothel; 19-03-2014 at 07:01.

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    Been there too. Waiting for that 'magic' appointment that will fix everything.

    I can say to you with most certainty that it did not fix everything though it did help. I was diagnoised bipolar and put on meds. Almost 2 years later and ive just now found the right mix of meds etc.

    Its hard but it will help.

    Please remember this is not your fault and you can do it.

    This website really helped me through the tough stuff
    https://blueboard.anu.edu.au/


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    You are right that no single appointment will "fix" you, or even many years of therapy will "fix" you. Therapy is only able to give you skills to manage difficulties better. It doesn't make difficulties stop occuring or make you immune to them. I think that's the most surprising thing about therapy: it shows you that your world is still the sometimes challenging, sometimes overwhelming, but mostly beautiful place it always has been, and you are the person you are, but you have the knowledge and skills to overcome hardships, and you are in control of which path you choose to go down.

    Best of luck with your first appointment.

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    Mummy Potato  (19-03-2014)

  10. #7
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    Anxiety is the WORST! The first appointment won't fix everything but it is a really important first step in helping yourself. Be kind to yourself in the meantime. I have been where you are - it is scary, exhausting and debilitating. But my therapist has given me so many tools to manage my anxiety and stop it ruling my life. All the best for your appointment!

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    Mummy Potato  (19-03-2014)

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    How are you holding up waiting for your appointment?

    I've suffered on and off with anxiety and depression for years, both with and currently without medication, and therapy is great for really realising/exploring the underlying issues that trigger it. It's an extended exercise is getting to know yourself, learning some tips that will help you through the difficult times, and learning to recognise the warning signs in the future so you can break a negative cycle early on. At the suggestion of my psych I've also read a couple of self-help books with techniques which I thought I'd share because you might find them useful. These are:
    The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris
    When Panic Attacks by David D Burns

    Not everything in them is going to be relevant to you but I've certainly gotten a lot out of them, particularly in that awkward time between psych visits.

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    Mummy Potato  (28-03-2014)

  14. #9
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    Hi yeah I'm doing okay. Such a wave of emotions (I've been evaluated for bipolar & I don't have it but that's what it feels like.)

    All the tension builds up (over weeks/months) I 'snap' and need to take a few days off work because I can't function then slowly crawl my way up again.

    Just yesterday DD & I had our final DCIS interview & we now have her action plan & funding approval so can finally pick our service & go from here. I didn't realise how much the run around was upsetting me until I was handed her plan yesterday I feel like I can finally start helping her.

    I've stopped counting down the days till my appointment. I think it's next Tuesday I should check. I do however think the medication increase is finally working, I'm finding myself more willing to talk to people & attend events at least..

    Probably helps I got a bunny yesterday so my mind is on something else.. And she's very sweet

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    Quote Originally Posted by FITCHICK View Post

    Probably helps I got a bunny yesterday so my mind is on something else.. And she's very sweet
    Hope you get some insights from your app. I have suffered very severe anxiety, PND & depression for over 10 years. And as lame as it may sound - my dog makes life just that much better! I would highly recommend a loving animal to anyone with depression or anxiety.

    ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1395980536.215983.jpg

    He's almost 2!


 

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