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  1. #11
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    I only want a very small, casual wedding. No big dress, definitely no church, no exchanging of vowels. I even tried to compromise and suggested that we just go to the registry office but he didn't even like that idea. He seems to think that if we get married then our relationship is doomed
    I want a ring (not even an expensive one) and I want to be "Mrs -----"

  2. #12
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    I can understand not wanting a big or religious wedding. DH and I eloped last year, our only guest was our 17 month DD. It was not religious at all, it was just nice to formally commit to each other. I wanted to change my surname too and have done in some situations. It's a lot of effort too and it's taking time to get round to it.

    When I was a kid, I knew a family who were not married, but the women used the man's surname in social circumstances anyway.

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  4. #13
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    Goodluck OP.
    If it's any help we got married overseas so my name didn't automatically get changed here so I had to change via deed poll. Very quick and easy, no one had ever asked if were married. It's assumed

  5. #14
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    Most marriages in Australia are now civil ceremonies, aren't they not?
    I wouldn't change my name unless he had enough faith in the relationship for it to be formally recognised.....but everyone has a different view. Sounds like you are compromising on what you actually want. Good luck

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I think it's sad he won't compromise.

    My best friend is anti religion, but still got married, for him it was a chance to make a commitment to his now wife in front of their friends and family, but to also celebrate them as a couple.

    They had a civil union, as he didn't want any part in a legal process that excludes people based on sexuality.

    There was no church, no mention of God, it was all about their commitment to each other.

    You can absolutely just change your surname, but that seems like you're giving up something important to you.
    Perfectly said.

  7. #16
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    Honestly, I nearly got married, and one of the big reasons was to change my last name to match my kids' and their father.
    Right at this point in time, I am glad that didn't eventuate.
    I just don't think being married would have changed anything within our relationship, apart from the fact that to get divorced is a lot more complicated than a defacto seperation.

  8. #17
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    Honestly this is only something you can decide, how do you feel deep down about not getting a wedding? Will you feel ripped off so to speak? If the answer is yes then I wouldn't change your name because you may end up being resentful but if you feel 100% like this will be enough for you go for it.

  9. #18
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    I didn't expect being married would feel any different, but it really changed how I felt. All of a sudden, I felt like was part of a team, and that I'd always have someone who had my back. Maybe if your husband thought of it that way, and not as a religious ceremony, it would make more sense to him. Ironically, I chose not to change my name, and now my son has his dad's surname :-)


 

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