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  1. #51
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    I have I say in this case I have no concern with the questions being asked in front of the child - it was not their class room teacher, the child felt unjustly accused, and the teacher behaved rudely. Surely we should be teaching our kids that it's not ok to be rude, and that we will investigate if they feel unfairly treated? We, as parents and school council members, have questioned several proposed and current policies, and the staff have only ever been understanding and happy to listen - and honestly having seen the way some policies have been barely considered and pushed through, I think it's great to have people who are willing to question them.
    As far as parents being reasonable for teaching boundaries etc, of course we are! But given that the majority of a child's social contact with peers happens at school, there must be some place for learning this stuff too? If a child spends majority of his days at school, with a hands off policy, for 12 years, how likely is he to have learned clearly what is and isn't appropriate?

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  3. #52
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    I'm not sure what I think of the no touching rule. I can see why it could be needed but then again it's a bit OTT.
    But I really think that your reaction was inappropriate and immature. Instead of bickering with the teacher in front of students, and involving another student in your narky argument, you could have had a calm discussion with the teacher/principle about the rules.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelicHobgoblin View Post
    I have been enforcing their ruling at home. They know fighting is not allowed and since my DS teach spoke me me a week ago he hasn't been in trouble since. I just wasn't aware like other mums at the school weren't aware, that hugging is a form of fighting.
    I didn't mean to suggest that you weren't! Like I said, that comment wasn't directed at anyone on this thread :-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I'm not sure what I think of the no touching rule. I can see why it could be needed but then again it's a bit OTT.
    But I really think that your reaction was inappropriate and immature. Instead of bickering with the teacher in front of students, and involving another student in your narky argument, you could have had a calm discussion with the teacher/principle about the rules.
    Like I said I never intended for it to happen that way, I didn't even know who she was. Just the way she said it wasn't helping on an already bad day

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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelicHobgoblin View Post
    I have been enforcing their ruling at home. They know fighting is not allowed and since my DS teach spoke me me a week ago he hasn't been in trouble since. I just wasn't aware like other mums at the school weren't aware, that hugging is a form of fighting.
    Hugging is not a form of fighting and sounds like an exaggeration of the facts to me. Why not just accept your child had done the wrong thing previously, address the behaviour and move on?? The two incidences are not the same.

    My DS gets in trouble for picking up sticks at school. He doesn't hurt anyone with them or use them as weapons but he picks them up and school policy is not to pick up sticks (obviously because in the past kids have behaved inappropriately with them). My DS hasn't ... But he has picked them up when he shouldn't have.

    My job as a parent is to remind him that schools rules are to be obeyed and are different to those at home (which I do) And then when we walk around outside of school I'm more than happy for him to pick up sticks and play games with them. Different rules apply at school as there is a much larger capacity of students to deal with. I don't have 24 children at home (like in my class) I have 2. It is much easier to enforce safe play in those circumstances. My boys can hug and play with sticks and rocks as much as I allow them after 3pm. It's really a no brainier to me.

    I understand you weren't aware but the teacher informed of the rule and you challenged it. I'm not sure what example you are trying to teach.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    I think I can speak for most teachers when I say I'd love for the 'educator' aspect of my job to come to the fore. The other side of that argument, though, is that while kids are at school, then teachers are morally, ethically, professionally and legally required to act 'in loco parentis' - in the place of parents. This means that we do need to command authority and respect to keep children safe and able to learn, in much the same way as parents need to have authority and control over their own children. Ideally, this happens through fostering positive relationships with children and their families, which the teacher in question seems to have failed to achieve.

    Or am I misinterpreting your use of the word 'authority figure'?
    I totally agree teachers need to be role models and enforce rules at school, and in that way they are authority figures. But they don't have authority over parents! The way this teacher spoke diwn to the parent in such a way, like a child, I think is very wrong and unprofessional. They talk about deserving respect, everyone deserves respect! Including parents, who when it comes to the kids are the real authority.

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    I think people need to re read the OP, the teacher behaved terribly really, and had no business publicly discussing the child's previous misdemeanours. It amazes me that some people think teachers can behave however they like and parents should not dare to question them in public. I'd rather my child feel defended than worry about losing respect for authority. If more teachers were able to empathise and display emotional sensitivity, they would have less behaviour problems and therefore less need to be sneering when enforcing rules (the description of the teacher saying "that" type of behaviour just made my skin crawl).

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    Oh and yes I have worked in schools, and absolutely have empathy for teachers, and have seen great ones with high levels of emotional intelligence manage beautifully. Others not so much.

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    I think almost everyone on this thread has agreed the teacher behaved poorly?

    Quote Originally Posted by twotrunks View Post
    I'd rather my child feel defended than worry about losing respect for authority.
    So does that mean you think it's ok to defend your child publicly and aggressively when they are breaking school rules? Because I would argue that that leads to behaviour issues as much as teachers who are 'unable to empathise and display emotional sensitivity'.

    I totally agree with you that parents need to advocate for their child, and their child needs to be able to trust that their parents will defend them. But I think defending your child when they have clearly done the wrong thing is not helping them at all. (I realise that in OP case it wasn't so black and white, btw.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrunks View Post
    I think people need to re read the OP, the teacher behaved terribly really, and had no business publicly discussing the child's previous misdemeanours. It amazes me that some people think teachers can behave however they like and parents should not dare to question them in public. I'd rather my child feel defended than worry about losing respect for authority. If more teachers were able to empathise and display emotional sensitivity, they would have less behaviour problems and therefore less need to be sneering when enforcing rules (the description of the teacher saying "that" type of behaviour just made my skin crawl).
    Its funny because these teachers (unless really serious) have no problem talking about the childrens behavior infront of everyone. I have now had three different parents come up to me and say she (whichever teacher it is at the time) really shouldn't have said that for everyone to hear. Just little things like they have had a talk to my ds about his behavior but because its said so loud all the other parents can hear it.

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