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  1. #31
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    I understand why schools have put this rule in place....the hugging got way out out of hand a few yrs ago and anyone with older kids would know what I mean.

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    My response is that imho, children are starting school too early, thus why they lack some of these skills. I think in most cases 4 is far too young.

    I'm not saying schools should *only* be teaching academics. But that this whole 'no touching' rule has come about bc a) some parents are being a bit precious b) they are not teaching important social and emotional skills to their kids and expecting the school to be dealing with everything then castigating them every single time there is an issue.

    It's not that I bawk at a holistic approach, but the expectation that teachers are responsible for everything. Parents need to be the primary, but not only force in their kids lives in instilling resilience, boundaries etc. Of course they develop over time, the brain keeps developing until 25. But as parents, shouldn't we be mainly responsible for this?

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  4. #33
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    Mueller College in QLD, for example have a policy where they try to reduce contact between students during head lice outbreaks

    "[Schools, through the leadership of the principle will] Implement classroom organisation and teaching programs, as well as guidelines for play, that minimise head-to-head contact during outbreaks of head lice"

    ...which I don't think is such a bad thing?

    OP, did the principle give a reason for the no-hugging rule?

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    My response is that imho, children are starting school too early, thus why they lack some of these skills. I think in most cases 4 is far too young.

    I'm not saying schools should *only* be teaching academics. But that this whole 'no touching' rule has come about bc a) some parents are being a bit precious b) they are not teaching important social and emotional skills to their kids and expecting the school to be dealing with everything then castigating them every single time there is an issue.

    It's not that I bawk at a holistic approach, but the expectation that teachers are responsible for everything. Parents need to be the primary, but not only force in their kids lives in instilling resilience, boundaries etc. Of course they develop over time, the brain keeps developing until 25. But as parents, shouldn't we be mainly responsible for this?
    Agree!

    It IS parents responsibility, not teachers/schools!

    I have actually witnessed parents who not only allow their kids to smother other kids with too much 'affection' (for want of a better word as there really is a difference between hugging and smothering) but encourage it because they think their child is just being adorable and friendly (as opposed to smothering). I'm talking about pre-schoolers here. They wouldn't be doing this at school if it weren't for the parents allowing the behaviour outside of school! So why do schools have to take responsibility for it when it's something parents should be doing? It means that schools have to then impose 'no touching' rules, sending the message to kids that touching is bad or wrong. I strongly disagree with that. But the responsibility is with parents, not schools. Specific kids who do this should be dealt with, but not all kids!

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Yeah see I don't see teachers as authority figures, I see them as educators.
    I think I can speak for most teachers when I say I'd love for the 'educator' aspect of my job to come to the fore. The other side of that argument, though, is that while kids are at school, then teachers are morally, ethically, professionally and legally required to act 'in loco parentis' - in the place of parents. This means that we do need to command authority and respect to keep children safe and able to learn, in much the same way as parents need to have authority and control over their own children. Ideally, this happens through fostering positive relationships with children and their families, which the teacher in question seems to have failed to achieve.

    Or am I misinterpreting your use of the word 'authority figure'?

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    I think teachers are authority figures, and when used effectively, it isn't a bad thing. Teachers should command respect from kids, they also have to have that authority figure role bc there is so much classroom management. Children will walk all over a teacher and show no respect otherwise. Let's be honest, we always have authority figures in our lives, even as adults. Bosses, police, the govt. The term doesn't need to have a negative connotation.

    But then of course being an authority also entails acting accordingly and role modelling good behaviour.... which I don't believe the teacher in the OP did.

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    I can also see two sides to this. It sounds like the teacher acted inappropriately, but I also think it's unhelpful (as a PP mentioned) to be questioning the teacher's authority in front of your child.

    Whilst I certainly don't think that anyone should blindly follow authority, it's incredibly difficult to manage a child's behaviour if their parents don't show respect for the teachers and the school rules. Feel free to question all you like, but giving kids the impression that they don't have to follow rules they don't agree with leads to some of the following kinds of exchanges:
    "Using 'gay' as an insult is not acceptable in this classroom"
    "Why?"
    *explain why*
    "Oh, well my dad doesn't like gay people either. He won't care if I get in trouble for it"

    Or

    "You have work to do, you need to put your phone away. If I see it out again, it'll be confiscated"
    "You can't take my phone!"
    "It's against school rules to have it out in class. If you don't put it away, it will be confiscated."
    "My mum thinks that's a stupid rule. If anyone tries to take my phone she'll come and get it back. She's done it before" (and she has).
    Etc.

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  11. #38
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    How incredibly sad.

    I think there is a lot to be said for learning boundries in regard to physical contact. Removing this is a vital aspect of a child's development. I can't remember which book I read it in (Raising Boys maybe?) but it talked about the importance of boys playing rough and tumble with their Dads and being table to stop on cue from the Dad when requested. This would directly correspond with learning to manage a person's own physical contact and expressing themselves to others to stop unwanted physical contact.

    Banning hugs? Really?! What are they going to ban next? Smiling?! Instead of banning hugs wouldn't it be better to have a policy of teaching kids how to handle unwanted physical contact? My children were taught from toddlerhood in child care to stay "stop I don't like it" with a *stop hand* gesture at unwanted physical contact.

    My DS (6 years old) is a very caring little boy and he has gone and cuddled a child at child care (when I drop DD off) when they have been crying.

    I understand your outrage OP - I really do! However, I would be very hesitant to challenge a teacher in front of students. It would have to be an extreme situation. Teachers might be educators but in order to fulfill that function they must be seen as authority figures from students.

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    Although it's a little ridiculous I can understand why some have a no hugging rule. It's totally unacceptable for the teachers to have double standards though. That's confusing and unfair for the kids. Sounds like the teacher isn't very professional....

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    Disclaimer, I've only read opening post.
    Ok personally I disagree with no hugging rules but if it's in place then all should adhere to it, it certainly is double standards for the teacher to have an exemption. Kids don't know that Jane is from a disadvantaged situation, they just see mrs jones giving her a hug.

    I also think that if anything it's more inappropriate for teacher student hug than student to student.
    Don't predictors also pick on the vulnerable? So by the school allowing this exemption are they not putting the child at further risk?


 
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