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  1. #21
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    Yeah see I don't see teachers as authority figures, I see them as educators.

    Whatever the rules (sounds pretty militant to have a no touching rule that is applied when kids are simply hugging!!) I think she was very wrong in the way she handled it. Her tone, the way she said and enforced it, would put any parent off!

    id like to think that as a parent, I am involved in DS's schooling and not treated like a child myself or be spoken down to by teachers thinking they have more authority than me. I'd like to think I am a participant in being an authority in my child's school experience.

    I can see why you're so put off OP!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Yeah see I don't see teachers as authority figures, I see them as educators.

    Whatever the rules (sounds pretty militant to have a no touching rule that is applied when kids are simply hugging!!) I think she was very wrong in the way she handled it. Her tone, the way she said and enforced it, would put any parent off!

    id like to think that as a parent, I am involved in DS's schooling and not treated like a child myself or be spoken down to by teachers thinking they have more authority than me. I'd like to think I am a participant in being an authority in my child's school experience.

    I can see why you're so put off OP!
    I agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I'm kind of fence sitting on this one. On one hand, she sounded quite rude and aggressive towards you which isn't on. I also think in theory that hugging is lovely and innocent.

    But on the other hand I'm looking at it from the school's perspective. End of last year or early this year there was a story in the news that was linked on the forum about a little boy that was suspended for hugging a girl in his class and wanting to be 'boyfriend/girlfriend. She apparently felt extremely uncomfortable and threatened by it and despite asking him to stop he didn't. Several on BH thought it was creepy. So the problem for the school is if they allowing hugging, where is the line? do little kids know the line between wanted and unwanted affection? how do they handle that? if hugging and touching is allowed (and I'm not talking about inappropriate touching, clearly it's a given that isn't on) do they then have a basis to stop it if it goes too far?
    Yeah but honestly, in my mind, hugging is for the most part, harmless, positive, reciprocated and/or appreciated and a lovely gesture that I personally think brings a whole lot more good than bad to the world. That case I think would be pretty obvious as excessive and unwanted affection and could be dealt with appropriately and quickly by teachers and parents. But to make a no touching rule? I think that's awful really, it's sad!

    DS gets a big hug from his best friend at kindy each day, and I see how happy that makes him on his little face. I think it's lovely.

  5. #24
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    OP, I should add that I do agree that it's an unnecessary school rule that isn't relevant to the real world. Something like 'no unwanted touching' would be better. And I do think that teacher missed an opportunity to praise up your son for 'nice touching' if he has been in trouble for fighting in the past, too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Yeah but honestly, in my mind, hugging is for the most part, harmless, positive, reciprocated and/or appreciated and a lovely gesture that I personally think brings a whole lot more good than bad to the world. That case I think would be pretty obvious as excessive and unwanted affection and could be dealt with appropriately and quickly by teachers and parents. But to make a no touching rule? I think that's awful really, it's sad!

    DS gets a big hug from his best friend at kindy each day, and I see how happy that makes him on his little face. I think it's lovely.
    Completely agree with you. I think empathy, kindness and affection are really important to kids social and emotional development.

    The problem here is that schools can have rather irate parents complaining about unrequited hugging and physical contact and therefore leave themselves open to possible criticism and even litigation. I highly suspect if you asked most principals behind closed doors, particularly of primary if they had an issue with hugging most would say no.

    But unfortunately schools have become a place where parents expect them completely free of any negative experience and place huge responsibility on them. Blame society and parents, not schools.

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    Kids get hurt at school participating in sports, far more often than hugging would be an issue, I'm sure.

    What are they gonna do? Ban sport because a parent might get upset? It's getting pretty ridiculous out there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But unfortunately schools have become a place where parents expect them completely free of any negative experience and place huge responsibility on them. Blame society and parents, not schools.
    Yeah, I am so annoyed at parents these days.... The rules and regulations they impose on chikdcare centres and schools is just flipping ridiculous imo.

    Kids need to be exposed to some negative experiences, and kids need to face reality and learn how to tackle problems and cope with things not always going their way. How can they do that when parents try to constantly shelter them from everything?? It annoys the bejeezuz out of me.

    Parents need to stop expecting schools to parent their child to the maximum. And stop forcing schools to impose so many rules that affect everyone when these sorts of issues can be dealt with individually.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    Kids get hurt at school participating in sports, far more often than hugging would be an issue, I'm sure.

    What are they gonna do? Ban sport because a parent might get upset? It's getting pretty ridiculous out there.
    Again I completely agree, it's getting ridiculous. But I see schools simply responding to this trend rather than creating it, ykwim?

    I think parents need to stop palming responsibility for social and emotional learning onto schools. Teach your own kids how to read cues another child doesn't want to be cuddled, teach them how to speak up when they don't like a certain behaviour. I see an alarming trend in the last 20 years (and I've seen it first hand while being on placement in schools) where parents are fobbing parental responsibility and basic parenting skills onto teachers. We are there to teach. The whole Social and Emotional Learning component (boundaries, bullying, expressing yourself, conflict resolution) has come about bc parents aren't instilling these skills into their kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Yeah, I am so annoyed at parents these days.... The rules and regulations they impose on chikdcare centres and schools is just flipping ridiculous imo.

    Kids need to be exposed to some negative experiences, and kids need to face reality and learn how to tackle problems and cope with things not always going their way. How can they do that when parents try to constantly shelter them from everything?? It annoys the bejeezuz out of me.

    Parents need to stop expecting schools to parent their child to the maximum. And stop forcing schools to impose so many rules that affect everyone when these sorts of issues can be dealt with individually.
    Yep this exactly!

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Again I completely agree, it's getting ridiculous. But I see schools simply responding to this trend rather than creating it, ykwim?
    fair enough

    I think parents need to stop palming responsibility for social and emotional learning onto schools. Teach your own kids how to read cues another child doesn't want to be cuddled, teach them how to speak up when they don't like a certain behaviour. I see an alarming trend in the last 20 years (and I've seen it first hand while being on placement in schools) where parents are fobbing parental responsibility and basic parenting skills onto teachers. We are there to teach. The whole Social and Emotional Learning component (boundaries, bullying, expressing yourself, conflict resolution) has come about bc parents aren't instilling these skills into their kids.
    I don't think I can agree with this, my first son started prep at school in QLD when he was 4 yrs old. He had age appropriate social skills, but still had a lot more to learn, and he is still learning social skills at 10. (For example at the moment he is being excluded from a certain group of friends simply because he is still friends with a former pupil. Crazy stuff, but he's coming to grips with dealing with stupidity like that.)

    In the past kids were simply dumped into school and the emphasis from the teachers was biased far more towards acedemics, and social skills seemed to be learned in the playground (or not) at the 'school of hard knocks'.

    Which obviously failed many children horribly, and so a far more holistic curriculum was born which encompassed these ignored skills, and kids were no longer forced to sink or swim in the previous harsh environment.

    Thinking back to myself, I started at 5, and my social skills developed right throughout my primary school years age appropriately, and then in high school, again, many new social skills were gained, simply through the different social situations I was exposed to as I grew through teenage-hood, and into an adult.


 

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