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  1. #1
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    Question Argument with teacher. Advice??

    Does anyone else's children have the 'no contact' rule at their school?
    Friday morning, my son was hugging his friend and a teacher (not his) walked past and told him off for *that* kind of behaviour. I got into an argument with her because I said it was just a hug and she told me that I'm well aware that my DS has been in detention for fighting and *that* type of behaviour isn't allowed as we have a no contact rule at the school. (Note that when she says *that* she full on looks down to my DS with a disgusted look). Then just as she explained this a girl came up and hugged her, so I told her no hugging at school please its the rules. She said its different for the teachers. I said oh right, double standards, I see. She ended up snapping at me "You wouldn't know, you don't teach him (DS)" I said "NO. I just LIVE with him"
    that's the short version. She turned her back and went and spoke to my DS teacher while staring at me. I asked DS teacher "please don't tell me DS has been getting detention for HUGGING?" she said no and she didn't understand what the other teacher was on about.
    I had the principle ring and talk to me. She said the teacher had no right talking to me that way, but it is the rule. So I told her it was very condescending to say that why hugging another student herself, she said that family is a special case. (They come from a 'bad' type of family with child protection involved and the kids are very naughty, I know from being witness and talking to the mother myself)
    Again, that's the short version.
    Is this school the only one that has this rule? Its funny though, I see plenty of girls hugging in the morning and not one teacher bats an eye lid, but because my son (like a lot of kids) likes to rough house, he is being singled out and made to feel that hugging is wrong? I saw the whole thing and i told the principle that if she asks the other mother involved, she would know I have brought both boys up when its been rough, but this time was just a hug.
    My DS told me that the teachers were lying and he wasn't fighting like they said, but i told him that teachers don't lie. NOW I'm not too sure and I feel bad for ignoring my son.

  2. #2
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    Sounds utterly ridiculous.

    Hugging is awesome.

    I have 3 sons at school, they are all very free with physical affection as they should be.

    Their school talks about appropriate touch (kind touch that someone enjoys) and inappropriate touch (unkind touch, or violence, or touch that another person is uncomfortable with)

    All the kids from 5yrs to 12 seem to be able to take this concept on board extremely well, and it melts my heart to see a little girl say "hi" to my son and give him a big hug (he has been having trouble adjusting to his first year of school) and one time when he was upset, another little girl came over and said 'it's OK" and started rubbing his back.

    To ban this type of loving touch is totally insane.

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    She sounds wierd.

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    I think its ridiculous. This teacher says the kids don't understand the difference in touching so I said "well thanks for having such little faith in our children" she makes them sound stupid. My 4 yeat old knows the difference. Im so outraged by this and very tempted to take further actions.

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    Its my 6 year old who did the hugging btw. In kindy, they hold hands in line. So obviously not all contact Is forbidden or they just don't know about it. So I will be talking to the kindy and pre primary teachers on Monday as well.

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    My sister school has a no touching rule. But some teachers do take it to extremes. Just one example is my sister and her friend were walking along linking arms and a teacher put them in detention because the school won't tolerate "lesbian" behaviour. Needless to say my mother had very stern words with the principle and the teacher was reprimanded for doing it and was made to apologies to both of the children and parents. Don't know if it makes any difference but this school is a catholic school and my sister was in grade 6 at the time.

    Edited to fix typos.
    Last edited by Happymum2; 15-03-2014 at 12:36.

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    We have a hands off policy at my school ... Sometimes kids hug others without them wanting it and sometimes other kids do the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' thing. ..... And then sometimes kids are just being affectionate and giving a nice cuddle.

    I often remind kids it's hands off .. But the little ones still like cuddling - I enforce it more if the hugging turns to forcing/pushing/pulling.

    If it's the school rule I think she should have followed through with it however I'm not sure why there would be the need for such a confrontation?? Where you speaking aggressively yourself??

    I think it's pretty wrong of you to feel the need to step in and dictate the actions of the teacher. Of course there are different rules for teachers. We don't wear uniforms, sit or play in designated areas, put our hands up to speak, sit in the carpet, ... Just to name a few. But teachers are adults and I know my children have different rules at home to me as the adult as well.

    Maybe you are feeling frustrated because your DS was in this case just being friendly and you feel like he was being accused of harsher behaviour. I'd be surprised if a teacher put a child in time out for hugging though. I'm often told by parents their child said 'xyz' when it's simply not the case and I've had documented evidence to show otherwise.

    I think the way in which the teacher spoke eg- 'you don't teach him' is really wrong. If the rule is 'hands off' it should be a school wide approach and not because your DS may be have difficulties with appropriate behaviour elsewhere.

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  12. #8
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    @Happymum2 - deletion sounds pretty extreme, I would have thought detention was bad enough...

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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    @Happymum2 - deletion sounds pretty extreme, I would have thought detention was bad enough...
    Haha, stupid phone and fat fingers.

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    A touch free school sounds pretty cold

    As someone else mentioned, the primary school my children attend are also taught appropriate and inappropriate touch. Even my preppie understood the difference from week one at school.

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