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  1. #1
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    Default Still cries at daycare drop-off every time.....is it "normal"?

    Hi

    thought i put this here rather than daycare section...

    My DD is almost 2yo..she has been going to the same daycare for a year now...she goes three days per week...BUT she still cries every single time i drop her off...again today she fully screamed and cried when i left. My DS was not like this at all...he cried the first week or so then generally fine ever since..im happy with the daycare. I dont hang around, i say goodbye give her a kiss and go usually as a) i have to get to work and b) i assumed this was the best approach? and if i do hang around it makes no difference...i thought that sneaking out wasnt good for them etc...? i know she stops crying as soon as i go or shortly after, they say she almost always has a good day there and when i pick her up she is very happy to see me but is not chomping at the bit to leave so to speak, ie will want to show me toys and keep playing with things etc. its not a massive big deal but im just wondering that after a year i would have assumed this crying at the initial separation etc would have ceased???

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    That was my normal or my DD.
    I have sent you a pm.

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    My DS is 2.5 and only just getting over this now. He has been at daycare since he was 10 months old. He is worse when I drop him off than he is when my DH does, he is a mummy's boy.

    My DD was like this too.

  4. #4
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    lexim is offline Winner 2013 - Newbie of the Year
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    My ds did it till he was 3. Even after that he would be clingy at drop off. He was only one day a week though.

    It's funny now though he has started kindy, he gives me a kiss and a hug and he's off. Doesn't care.
    Don't stress, it won't be forever.


    DH, Me and our two boys.
    #3 due 30th Sept

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    I don't really think there's any right or wrong reason for this. It could be any number of things or a combination of things I think.

    Firstly, dies she scream and cry when you leave her anywhere else? Her grandparents say?

    is she normally quite clingy towards you? What about her dad? Is he involved and how is she when he drops her off?

    If this were my son, the first thing I'd try is to stay with her for a while at drop-off. Speak to the carers and say you'd like to try this, I'm talking up to an hour or more if you can organise to go in to work later one day, or arrive to daycare earlier... Stay there and see how she goes once she starts interacting. If she doesn't and is still clinging to you after an hour or so then I'd be a bit more worried about her attachment needs towards you rather than a problem at daycare as such.

    I know it's not convenient to hang around for long when dropping them off but I think if you can do this and gradually wind it back each time she might adjust sooner in the mornings (?) I often have a little play with the kids when I drop DS off and he likes this.

    dS is quiet but has made a few solid friends now and they come running up to him when we arrive and this makes him happy. There's been times when he clung on to me, but these were usually when I was stressed that morning and he picks up on that and reacts to it by being clingy. It's amazing what kids pick up on even when you try to act like you're fine!

    Anyway, that's one thing I'd suggest might be a way o tackle it, stay and get involved yourself a bit and DD might then ease in a bit easier in the mornings herself.

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    I'm going to go against the grain & say maybe it's not normal....

    I started my DS off in one centre & he cried every drop off.....& one day I picked him up early without the centre knowing & found him really distressed & no one comforting him. I pulled him out straight away, he clearly didn't like it there.

    The second centre we tried, he cried on the first day, & that was it -- he's been going there for 6 months, & since that first day has only ever cried at drop off one other time, when my husband dropped him off last week after I'd just come home from hospital with the new baby & DS works had just been turned upside down, the crying didn't surprise me for that day.....

    So I figure he only cried at drop off at the centre he didn't like -- the second (better!!) centre with better carers he was totally fine with pretty much immediately....!

    Anyhoo, that may just be our experience, but OP your child has been there a really long time for them still to be crying at every drop off, so I'd be questioning the centre.

    Good luck x

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    thanks.....she will cry even at home if i go out and she is left with DH or grandma etc and will cry if DH if going to work and is left with just me, this happens for about half a minute then she is over it...she is quite "clingy" i would say in general...not shy but clingy ie at home she often wants to be picked up, likes cuddles (but not excessively), follows me everywhere, at her age DS was starting to spend more time playing on his own, amusing himself etc ...she goes through stages of wanting to co-sleep etc then is ok again....so i guess its not just daycare ive noticed this behaviour and its not just with me. the daycare have changed the room leaders and memebers a few times recently tho which probably hasnt helped.....i dont know as my DS was not clingy at all...like i know they are a different temperament but i worry that i would have "assumed" she would be over crying etc by now...

    there is not a great deal of flexibility in staying there im afraid to help her settle in although i could stay maybe 20 minutes etc (just a time factor in the morning to get to work)...i havent seen her distressed at the centre regardless of what time i get there. i will have a chat to room leader today and see what they say about her behaviour as well.


 

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