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  1. #1
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    Default 4 year old kinder drop off problems

    I know this is a common thing for kids to have phases of anxiety and separation issues with kinder and school but I just wanted to vent and maybe hear any suggestions of how to help my ds and stories of how you got through it with your child.
    So ds started 4 yr old kinder a few weeks ago. First 2 weeks he was fine at drop off, he was super excited to go to kinder and would barely say bye to me. But the last couple of weeks he has started crying at drop off and it's been getting worse. Yesterday was the worst so far, the teacher had to hold on to him and he was SCREAMING "no mum no mum! I'll miss you!" It was soooo hard to walk away but I know I had to. The teachers have told me he is absolutely fine after 5 mins, he enjoys his day and usually comes home happy (though sometimes very tired). I've had chats with him to find out if he is being bullied but he says most people are nice to him, some a little bit naughty. We've talked about how I will always come back to get him and he understands this. But Now after kinder when we get home he is already having anxiety about the next day, telling me he wants to stay home.
    Today was a little better as I promised him if he is a brave boy with no crying or screaming I will buy him a new toy for when he gets home and he can show the teachers the next day. He had a couple of tears but nothing like yesterday and after giving him a cuddle the teacher picked him up and I quickly said goodbye and walked away while the teacher distracted him (they've been great with dealing with him). He was very happy this arvo and loved his new Spider-Man toy, but I'm worried the novelty will wear off and he will go back to crying at drop off. When will he get over this phase?

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    Forgot to add, I think what triggered him to start doing this was witnessing another child crying and having the same issues.

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    Its a phase and will pass. When I dont know. My DS had to be pulled off me every day of daycare for 3 years. Two minutes after I had walked out the door he was fine. (Id sneak back and check). He was fine at pre primary and kindy but come year one we went through tears again for about four weeks.

    The best thing for us was for me to be postive about what a great day he was going to have, make a minimum of fuss about it and leave quickly.

    You might find rewarding him every day works against you - what about a whole week of a happy smile for Mummy when she leaves and we can do something special together (my DS loved breakfast at the beach). The "mummy time" reward worked way better than toys for us.

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    Sairz  (13-03-2014)

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    I am a kindergarten teacher and I have had a few children with this problem but it does phase out. I try and engage them with their favourite activity (with the parent) and when they are really into it we say, ok mummy has to go now but she will be back later. After a week or two of this there are usually no tears.

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    Poor little guy! It's horrible walking away when they're crying like that A couple of things I did with my two girls in the past were
    - let them choose a special toy from home to cuddle at kinder, or give them something belonging to you to mind for you until pick up time
    - stay and play for a while after drop off
    - together work out a plan of what he will do if he's sad while you are gone eg pick a special "sad spot" where he can take his cuddle toy, or go sit on the knee of his favourite carer.
    It's hard but it does pass.

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    My ds was the exact same and it was all because he had seen another child cry plus my dd is 10wks old and he wanted to stay home with her cuz he missed her while he was at school. He goes one half day and two full days, so I did the same as you and rewarded him with a treat for when he came home. Ever since he has been great and loves coming home to tell me how his day was and what he did. He loves going to the library and borrowing books to bring home to read to his baby sister so I believe its just a phase that will pass

    Sent from my HTC_0P6A1

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    DS started preschool this year, he was quite upset yesterday morning and not wanting to go to Preschool. He finally told me that his teacher read a scary book last week and he was scared she might read it again.

    I know you asked him and he said nothing happened but just something to keep in mind.

    DS does best if the teacher takes him in hand and gets him involved in something straight away.

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    Sairz  (13-03-2014)

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    Im happy to say that this morning went really well! he was excited to show his teachers his new toys and the teachers came strait to him so he could show them, I also promised him we would do so thing special after kinder so that he has something to look forward to. No tears! So relieved. I know he may still have bad mornings but at least we've made a bit of progress.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    Poor little guy! It's horrible walking away when they're crying like that A couple of things I did with my two girls in the past were
    - let them choose a special toy from home to cuddle at kinder, or give them something belonging to you to mind for you until pick up time
    - stay and play for a while after drop off
    - together work out a plan of what he will do if he's sad while you are gone eg pick a special "sad spot" where he can take his cuddle toy, or go sit on the knee of his favourite carer.
    It's hard but it does pass.

    Gothel, in regards to staying and playing at drop off, my DS (3 years) is that upset and hysterical he doesn't want to play with anything. Just clings on to me. I am contemplating dropping him off quickly and leaving, but have no idea if that is good too.

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    Can you stay with him @2BlueBirds? Have a chat to the teacher and see what can be done. I've had my kids in two different kinders and a creche, and i always found the teachers to be very helpful when it came to settling in distressed kids. Had he just started 3yo kinder? He's still so little, you know what works best for you and your parenting style but I'm a real softie when it comes to pushing through something like that. Hth

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