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  1. #11
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    one of my besties is a bit like this....its subtle but its always there and it sorta started when we had kids, it was really annooying at one stage but i kinda put it down to "parenting brings out the worst in some ppl" attitude ...it started with stuff around her child reaching milestones etc, but seemed to progress to everyday things like how much her hubby does around the house, weightloss, amount of exercise, holidays, parenting etc etc.....i asked myself two things 1) why does she feel the need to do it and b) why did it get to me.....the answers were pretty obvious such as envy / jealously/ own issues / guilt etc about parenting...i just stopped engaging in those types of convo's or would just be positive if credit was due eg yes your DS is a REALLY good talker etc and actually im bored to death talking about parenting (ie i gave my kid a lollipop so i could get 15 minutes peace to fold some clothes....her response " oh pfffttt i give my DS a bowl of grapes or fruit"...i said nothing so end of convo.... and ive actually just been forthright and said "im sick of talking about food and exercise and dieting, its all we talk about"....and i am sick of talking about such things IRL!!! i dont start convo's about those topics which bring out the worst in both of us....and try to bear in mind that those who are competitive in that way are usually insecure....

  2. #12
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    Competitive people often don't know they are annoying. My ds once had a best friend who was just sooo competitive. She didn't actually say she was better than you or that her kids were superior, it just oozed out of every pore. Her kids did multiple sports and everything always had to be perfect. She never invited you to her home or never came in when you invited her to yours. I got really over her. It all came to an end when my ds told his best friend that he was too condescending and didn't want to hang out anymore. What a relief. The kids are now off at very expensive private schools being even more amazing I suppose

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamessmum View Post
    I have a friend like this. As Aquillah says, I just let her tell me how clever her DS (same age as mine) is then say "oh gee, isn't that great?" and change the subject, rather than continuing on the whose-son-is-more-advanced game she so wants to play. Other than that, we get on great and our sons play well.
    I hate it when people play that game. Been there, put up with it, hope I don't have to go through it again. I don't get it so much now that DS is nearly 5. But when he was a newborn till 2 there was a lot of it going on in various mothers groups I was apart of (not everyone in them, just *some*), which baby did what first, then trying to one up others. All in a passive aggressive tone. Not genially interested in what the other kids do, as long as their's is doing it first or they're on the defensive...about what im not really sure. In the end I'd normally just shut down the convo pretty much the same "öh thats great!" then change the convo. In the end I didn't care what her child did (as mean as it sounds), because they/she wasn't telling me being proud, it was just all about gloating and bragging rights, I feel sorry for the kid if she continues the behavior into childhood.

  4. #14
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    Do you have to win the 'one-up' game? Notice it when she starts it, giggle internally and say 'that's great' and let it go. It sounds like you enjoy her company outside of the competiveness.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquillah View Post
    Maybe next time she is starting to head that way with the conversation, let her finish and then positively respond to her accomplishment. Act like an interested friend and then move onto another topic. Even If you don't feel quite how you are acting hopefully she will appreciate being supported without it being a competition and respond the same way to you accordingly.
    Absolutely, this!

    Being competitive like that is actually a form of deep insecurity. She needs validation over superficial things? Try to not let it get to you.

    One of my fave friends in the world - she's so awesome - but constantly has to one up everything! She always knows, or has done better. But it doesn't necessarily bother me, because I think it's just her, and maybe she needs that...

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  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Absolutely, this!

    Being competitive like that is actually a form of deep insecurity. She needs validation over superficial things? Try to not let it get to you.
    This exactly! the "friends" i have like this, the competitiveness is simply insecurity.

    One of these so called friends used to bag out my government job, saying it must be a bludge (i work very hard in my job) and how much better her job was. She then phones me to tell me about her awesome new job... in government. She was obviously trying to make me feel bad about something she actually wanted. I find it so tiring and just ignore her 'baiting' - which drives her even more nuts. .

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fleetwood View Post
    Absolutely, this!

    Being competitive like that is actually a form of deep insecurity. She needs validation over superficial things? Try to not let it get to you.

    One of my fave friends in the world - she's so awesome - but constantly has to one up everything! She always knows, or has done better. But it doesn't necessarily bother me, because I think it's just her, and maybe she needs that...
    Exactly this.

    I don't let it bother me usually because it is a for, of insecurity. If it ever does then it's just a case of - let the baby have it's bottle.

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  10. #18
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    I don't think I could be friends with someone like that. How draining.

    I like to be able to talk to my friends about concerns I might have about my children, or other problems. If I had a friend like this, I wouldn't be able to do that. However, it's really not in my nature to be competitive.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 14-03-2014 at 20:51.

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Exactly this.

    I don't let it bother me usually because it is a for, of insecurity. If it ever does then it's just a case of - let the baby have it's bottle.
    Amen! I had a friend who was driving me absolutely BONKERS with similar behaviour and one day the penny just dropped and I realised that for whatever reason this person was just incredibly insecure and really needed people to praise her and validate her constantly, so now when we talk and she starts, that's just what I do because it's the only way I can deal with her.

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    Amen! I had a friend who was driving me absolutely BONKERS with similar behaviour and one day the penny just dropped and I realised that for whatever reason this person was just incredibly insecure and really needed people to praise her and validate her constantly, so now when we talk and she starts, that's just what I do because it's the only way I can deal with her.
    Thats how I feel too if that's what she needs then give let her have it, no skin off my nose to validate someone if that's what they need to make themselves feel better. It depersonalises what they're doing and you actually realise it's not about them competing with you at all but seeking validation because they need it. Then it stops bothering you because you don't engage with the one upping.

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