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  1. #1
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    Default A competitive friendship..

    I'm not sure where to go from here? What would you do if you had a dear friend, your young kids were very different personalities but got along well. You could open up to this friend, talk to her honestly and generally enjoy each others company. However the friendship is so competitive, it's exhausting.
    There is no nastiness. We both just feel the need to be "one up" with each other. About everything.
    Dh seems to think we clash personalities a bit - she brings out my competitiveness and so I play the game.

    I do like her. She's my only 'friend'. I want her in my life I just don't like having to feel as if I can be just as good, or better.

  2. #2
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    Can you clash/argue about something separate to your life ie join a debating club or something like that?
    Some people just like a good barney and bring it into everything.



    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    Maybe next time she is starting to head that way with the conversation, let her finish and then positively respond to her accomplishment. Act like an interested friend and then move onto another topic. Even If you don't feel quite how you are acting hopefully she will appreciate being supported without it being a competition and respond the same way to you accordingly.

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    I hear you. My SIL & a set of friends are like that with us. it drives me batty. I seriously feel exhausted after catching up with either of them.

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    I have a friend like this. As Aquillah says, I just let her tell me how clever her DS (same age as mine) is then say "oh gee, isn't that great?" and change the subject, rather than continuing on the whose-son-is-more-advanced game she so wants to play. Other than that, we get on great and our sons play well.

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    I had a friend like this. It was so draining to constantly hear about how clever her children were, or worse, watching her children "perform" when she would call them over to show me the latest thing they learnt.
    Subconsciously I started making excuses about not seeing her and eventually we drifted apart. I felt bad about it but I have limited "me" time to socialise with friends, I'd rather spend my time with someone I completely enjoy, not cringe inwardly every time we saw each other.

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    Well, if you don't want to get wrapped up in that sort of convo - then just don't! I personally just smile and be supportive when people start boasting about their kids, but i don't use that moment to then boast about mine. I feel DS is awesome enough without me trying to convince everyone else. I know he is, i know they know he is. And i personally find that competitive people actually don't hang out with me LOL, and my friends that do are already the ones that are already proud of their kids without being competitive.

    So if you don't want to be apart of that exhausting competitiveness anymore, then just don't! Just smile and tell her "that's so cool you must be so proud!" and leave it at that. You know your kids are awesome too, so IMO it doesn't even need to be said.

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    I have a friend like that too. Only it doesnt stop with whos kid is better, smarter etc. She has to one up me on EVERYTHING! I am talking about stupid things like how many people said happy birthday to you on facebook and who is higher on the level of candy crush, weightloss, exercise... I mean, seriously? I love her to pieces but after seeing her i feel so drained, I am almost scared to tell her anything because i know she will try to out do me.
    I just shrug it off now. Congratulate her on what ever achievement she is gloating about at the time and change the subject. I actually even change my answers to her just to shut her up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bpac View Post
    I have a friend like that too. Only it doesnt stop with whos kid is better, smarter etc. She has to one up me on EVERYTHING! I am talking about stupid things like how many people said happy birthday to you on facebook and who is higher on the level of candy crush, weightloss, exercise... I mean, seriously? I love her to pieces but after seeing her i feel so drained, I am almost scared to tell her anything because i know she will try to out do me.
    I just shrug it off now. Congratulate her on what ever achievement she is gloating about at the time and change the subject. I actually even change my answers to her just to shut her up.

    Yep this is us! Not just the kids but life in general - jobs, education, houses, cars.
    Its all In conversation and I enjoy our chats and catch ups but a bit tired of trying to keep up or having to feel like I have to prove to her I'm a good mum to because I do this this and this and blah blah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Muffet View Post
    Yep this is us! Not just the kids but life in general - jobs, education, houses, cars.
    Its all In conversation and I enjoy our chats and catch ups but a bit tired of trying to keep up or having to feel like I have to prove to her I'm a good mum to because I do this this and this and blah blah.
    It is exhausting. I should have clarified, i adjust my answers so if she tells me she has run 10kms i say i have only run 8 - i run on my tread mill every night, but to say i have done less then her means she wont call me tomorrow and tell me she has run 20kms for example. I dont care if it makes me seem on a "lower" level then her. I know and thats all that matters!


 

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