“Whether a man knew it or not, he needed a woman at his back: someone to remind him that all is not lost, someone to show him the sliver of light that is creeping its way through the dark, someone to hold him, even when he didn’t realized he needed to be held.”
Excerpt From: Loftis, Quinn. “Sacrifice of Love.” iBooks.
Last edited by LiterallyNoOne; 12-03-2014 at 02:27.
There are lots of factors in what job you have.
I would love to be a ob. I don't have the ability to access that level of education or the mental capabilities to do the job.
Then there are people that just have to take anything to keep food on the table.
Than there are people who take on second jobs so they don't lose there house etc...
Life would be great if it really was a choice of what you wanted to do for a living.
It really differs for each family and situation.
My DH leave the house between 4:30 & 5am and gets home at 4pm. He cleans the kitchen and vacuums every day and helps out. We both do whatever needs doing until the kids go to bed. We have a 7pm rule. We both stop housework etc at 7pm. It works well for us then we both get the same amount of rest.
If someone is unhappy and wants their partner to do more, then they need to discuss it and try to work it out. Some people may be happy and able to do all the housework so their partner doesnt have to. But that may not work for everyone or depend on the amount of kids you have etc. Its not really something that's a one size fits all approach.
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I think if your not happy with the situation then it needs to change. Every household is different. Every mother and father is different.
I wasn't a SAHM for long but during that time my DS was very demanding (still is) and I couldn't really get anything done except make sure he was fed and slept. Everything else became secondary and so DH picked up everything. If I was able to do anything extra like washing or cooking it was a bonus.
I think roles change depending on the situation too. One day one person might be having a bad day so the other picks up the slack.
I would always ask for something to be done if it wasn't done. And specify if I want him to be in charged of the role like washing clothes.
Things related to DH are generally his responsibly like packing lunches except ironing. If I help or do it it's a bonus.
We argued about this weekly during DS's first year. Now that DD is here and I'm back on maternity leave, nothing has changed. In fact, it's worse since DH declared he doesn't "do" babies so I do 99% of everything for DD and he mostly deals with DS when he's home. He does take care of the outside of the house (even if the inside looks like a bomb site), and cooks on weekends. He also does groceries but usually forgets a lot of things (that are on the list!) so I have to shop through the week with the two kids anyway.
Argh, makes my blood boil even thinking about it.
My partner drives me nuts. ATM his job sucks, works like 4hours a day and then comes home expectingb the house to be spotless and has his 'down time' playing games and I'm still looking after the toddler, feed, play, bath, put to bed etc while he does nothing. Sometimes will cook dinner if he feels generous but that's it. And will complain about the house being messy. Doesn't help after work or on weekends because it's 'not his job'.
Mummy of DS born July 2012
Expecting #2 June 2014
Excuse the iPhone auto-fail.
This is how it is in our house.
I haven't demanded this, it's just how it is....it's how we did things before children and has just continued.
DH's attitude is that we're a team, we both pitch in to the house and family.
Not only do we share the chores it is important that we both get our fair share of down time or "me" time. Up to us how we spend it. He goes karting or tinkers with his go kart.
I catch up with friends or just have time where I chill out alone.
I think different systems work for different families.
The key here is that yours isn't currently working for you.
I think you need to have a think about what would be a better balance for you and have a chat with him.
Talk to him when he's not tired and the kids are in bed. There's plenty of material in the responses here you can draw on to help realign his thinking on how things could be....and why that's fair.
I am DD primary carer when DP works. When he is home we are 50/50 parents.
Housework wise I tend to do the general house cleaning, washing, finances (bills etc) and planning. DP does the yard work, ironing and 90% of the cooking. Groceries are shared depending on DD!
I do get frustrated at times because DP is a bit messy and I think unconsciously that he doesnt clean up as much as he knows I will do it Probably something I need to pull him up on!
We naturally fell into this pattern and its similar to what we did when we both worked FT. What we prefer to do. Every house/relationship is different and so chores and responsibilites will be different.
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