+ Reply to Thread
Page 4 of 5 FirstFirst ... 2345 LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 48
  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,055
    Thanks
    1,493
    Thanked
    602
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Boobycino View Post
    I'd like him to do dishes, laundry, general tidying, making beds, taking over the kids routines/meal times occasionally, not all the time, but it would be nice if I drop the ball if he'd pick it up. A few times I've been really tired he's like "don't worry about the dishes, just leave them, don't worry about them" and I go to bed without doing them, get up in the morning and they're still there... i stupidly thought "dont worry about them" meant "i'll do them" when what it meant was "i feel guilty watching you do them, so I'd rather you do them when I'm not home to see it"
    .
    That's DF in a nutshell and it drives me up the wall! Happened last night with a broken lightbulb out the front - three times!

    Duties are split about 40-60 when he's home, but given that he's usually only home and awake for a few hours a night during the week and often getting in just as the kids are going to bed, that leaves me doing about 95% overall and 40% of 5% is..... Not much on a day to day basis but it works for us.

    It's easy to say every working parent should be doing half, but not every parent works the same job and has the same energy levels. It's a different kind of tired from working a desk job for 8 hours to working as a nurse for 8 hours to doing construction for 8 hours. If one parent feels the other isn't carrying their weight though, it definitely needs to be addressed.

  2. #32
    FearlessLeader's Avatar
    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    10,724
    Thanks
    2,498
    Thanked
    9,116
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by ChickyBee View Post
    That's DF in a nutshell and it drives me up the wall! Happened last night with a broken lightbulb out the front - three times!

    Duties are split about 40-60 when he's home, but given that he's usually only home and awake for a few hours a night during the week and often getting in just as the kids are going to bed, that leaves me doing about 95% overall and 40% of 5% is..... Not much on a day to day basis but it works for us.

    It's easy to say every working parent should be doing half, but not every parent works the same job and has the same energy levels. It's a different kind of tired from working a desk job for 8 hours to working as a nurse for 8 hours to doing construction for 8 hours. If one parent feels the other isn't carrying their weight though, it definitely needs to be addressed.
    I have to say I really disagree with your last paragraph. People chose what industry they work in. Take kids out of the equation- if my partner and I were both working full time, but I have chosen to work in an industry where the hours are long and hard, while my partner works some cushy desk job, well that's basically my choice. I wouldn't expect someone else to pick up my slack when I'm at home just because we live together. If I was working long hard hours and was single I'd have to do that all for myself so I would never expect a partner to do it for me.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Mildura
    Posts
    1,565
    Thanks
    486
    Thanked
    395
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert01 View Post
    I can't help but wonder about the 'flexibility' that some posters have referred to in their role as stay at home parents. I couldn't do anything but hold my baby for the first six months of his life, otherwise he cried and cried...and wouldn't sleep. I'm sure many babies aren't like this but I wouldn't suggest that Mums to be should be expecting their baby to be flexible about Mummy doing the housework or getting Daddy's laundry done for him. And napping while the baby is asleep? Many, many babies spend their first year or so cat napping during the day. I could never master the art of the power nap our the nano nap...there just didn't seem to be anything too flexible about having a baby in the house....gorgeous...but not flexible...sometimes I think Daddy's just need to grow up a bit...and realise that they are no longer the baby in the house and that they need to help out.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    My DS was the same until recently my DP took time off work to help with chores and our DD he did an excellent job now his back at work and does pretty much nothing which does not bother me since he works hard in a job he can't stand to keep a roof over our heads why should he come home and have to cook clean etc.... He does enough at work I'm the sahm it's my job to cook clean and look after our children he would help with anything if I asked but generally I don't. I enjoy most of what I do at home even the vacuuming it's me giving back to the man that supports his family emotionally and financially.


    “Whether a man knew it or not, he needed a woman at his back: someone to remind him that all is not lost, someone to show him the sliver of light that is creeping its way through the dark, someone to hold him, even when he didn’t realized he needed to be held.”

    Excerpt From: Loftis, Quinn. “Sacrifice of Love.” iBooks.
    Last edited by LiterallyNoOne; 12-03-2014 at 02:27.

  4. #34
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,055
    Thanks
    1,493
    Thanked
    602
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I have to say I really disagree with your last paragraph. People chose what industry they work in. Take kids out of the equation- if my partner and I were both working full time, but I have chosen to work in an industry where the hours are long and hard, while my partner works some cushy desk job, well that's basically my choice. I wouldn't expect someone else to pick up my slack when I'm at home just because we live together. If I was working long hard hours and was single I'd have to do that all for myself so I would never expect a partner to do it for me.
    Choice doesn't always come into which job you're in though. Sometimes it's just a case of what's available and what keeps the roof over your head and food on the table. DF has taken a job with long hours that wipes him out to provide for us and since I bring nothing to the table financially, I have no problem with the division of household duties as they are now. Like I said before though, if expectations aren't being met, it should definitely be addressed.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ChickyBee For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (11-03-2014),LoveLivesHere  (11-03-2014)

  6. #35
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    21,654
    Thanks
    15,094
    Thanked
    11,267
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 5/2/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 31/10/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 24/10/14Busiest Member of the Week
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I have to say I really disagree with your last paragraph. People chose what industry they work in. Take kids out of the equation- if my partner and I were both working full time, but I have chosen to work in an industry where the hours are long and hard, while my partner works some cushy desk job, well that's basically my choice. I wouldn't expect someone else to pick up my slack when I'm at home just because we live together. If I was working long hard hours and was single I'd have to do that all for myself so I would never expect a partner to do it for me.
    I disagree with this.

    There are lots of factors in what job you have.
    I would love to be a ob. I don't have the ability to access that level of education or the mental capabilities to do the job.

    Then there are people that just have to take anything to keep food on the table.
    Than there are people who take on second jobs so they don't lose there house etc...

    Life would be great if it really was a choice of what you wanted to do for a living.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LoveLivesHere For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (11-03-2014),ChickyBee  (11-03-2014)

  8. #36
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    7,053
    Thanks
    6,263
    Thanked
    5,481
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ending 5/6/2014
    It really differs for each family and situation.

    My DH leave the house between 4:30 & 5am and gets home at 4pm. He cleans the kitchen and vacuums every day and helps out. We both do whatever needs doing until the kids go to bed. We have a 7pm rule. We both stop housework etc at 7pm. It works well for us then we both get the same amount of rest.

    If someone is unhappy and wants their partner to do more, then they need to discuss it and try to work it out. Some people may be happy and able to do all the housework so their partner doesnt have to. But that may not work for everyone or depend on the amount of kids you have etc. Its not really something that's a one size fits all approach.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to peanutmonkey For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (11-03-2014),ChickyBee  (11-03-2014)

  10. #37
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    777
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked
    181
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think if your not happy with the situation then it needs to change. Every household is different. Every mother and father is different.

    I wasn't a SAHM for long but during that time my DS was very demanding (still is) and I couldn't really get anything done except make sure he was fed and slept. Everything else became secondary and so DH picked up everything. If I was able to do anything extra like washing or cooking it was a bonus.

    I think roles change depending on the situation too. One day one person might be having a bad day so the other picks up the slack.

    I would always ask for something to be done if it wasn't done. And specify if I want him to be in charged of the role like washing clothes.

    Things related to DH are generally his responsibly like packing lunches except ironing. If I help or do it it's a bonus.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Busy Bee For This Useful Post:

    LiterallyNoOne  (12-03-2014)

  12. #38
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    114
    Thanks
    53
    Thanked
    29
    Reviews
    0
    We argued about this weekly during DS's first year. Now that DD is here and I'm back on maternity leave, nothing has changed. In fact, it's worse since DH declared he doesn't "do" babies so I do 99% of everything for DD and he mostly deals with DS when he's home. He does take care of the outside of the house (even if the inside looks like a bomb site), and cooks on weekends. He also does groceries but usually forgets a lot of things (that are on the list!) so I have to shop through the week with the two kids anyway.

    Argh, makes my blood boil even thinking about it.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to jamessmum For This Useful Post:

    Firsttimemummabear  (12-03-2014)

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    GoldCoast
    Posts
    249
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked
    36
    Reviews
    0
    My partner drives me nuts. ATM his job sucks, works like 4hours a day and then comes home expectingb the house to be spotless and has his 'down time' playing games and I'm still looking after the toddler, feed, play, bath, put to bed etc while he does nothing. Sometimes will cook dinner if he feels generous but that's it. And will complain about the house being messy. Doesn't help after work or on weekends because it's 'not his job'.


    Mummy of DS born July 2012

    Expecting #2 June 2014

    Excuse the iPhone auto-fail.

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    1,463
    Thanks
    1,970
    Thanked
    522
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Firstly, taking kids to school and doing jobs around the house is not 'helping the mum out', it is just performing your role as a father.
    Secondly, at our place it goes like this: if it's just me at home, during that time I am primarily caring for the children. If other stuff gets done that's great (it mostly does because my kids are pretty 'easy'). When there are two parents home, both parents are 50% responsible for everything that needs to get done.
    I don't think sport a few times a week is a problem, my DP plays sport twice a week, and often catches up with friends a couple of times a week too- but so do I. If you're not keen on going out, I think if your DH is getting his down time he needs to afford you the same time off, so a couple of nights he's home he needs to be in charge of taking care of the kids and housework while you relax.
    Completely agree!

    This is how it is in our house.

    I haven't demanded this, it's just how it is....it's how we did things before children and has just continued.

    DH's attitude is that we're a team, we both pitch in to the house and family.
    Not only do we share the chores it is important that we both get our fair share of down time or "me" time. Up to us how we spend it. He goes karting or tinkers with his go kart.
    I catch up with friends or just have time where I chill out alone.

    I think different systems work for different families.

    The key here is that yours isn't currently working for you.

    I think you need to have a think about what would be a better balance for you and have a chat with him.

    Talk to him when he's not tired and the kids are in bed. There's plenty of material in the responses here you can draw on to help realign his thinking on how things could be....and why that's fair.

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to giggle berry For This Useful Post:

    MINIRoo  (13-03-2014)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Am I being reasonable or mean?
    By Mod-Degrassi in forum General Chat
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 09-02-2014, 20:07
  2. Is this reasonable?
    By Cheese Please in forum General Chat
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 24-10-2013, 18:44
  3. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 17-05-2013, 13:32

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Medela Australia
Our goal is to give mothers and babies the best possible support for a great and long lasting breastfeeding experience. Medela have a full range of breastpumps and breastcare products, suited to every need and lifestyle.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!