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  1. #1
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    Default what is reasonable to expect from a working DH around the house????

    hi, ive been getting very frustrated lately and thought id ask some other stay at home mums some advice.
    dont get me wrong, i love staying at home with the kids but during the week - i do absolutely everything for the family. i hadnt thought much of it but lately a lot of friends have pointed out how much help they get from their DHs. he works from about 8:30-5:50 weekdays, and goes out 2 nights a week for sport and then bike rides 4 hours on a weekend and a few mornings.
    i always niggle at him about it but i wonder how much help others get??
    i have friends who have their husbands do groceries, cooking, taking kids to school etc everything! i know im a control freak but i am curious how much help everyone gets - im also starting 1 day work a week soon
    thanks

  2. #2
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    I'm in the same boat as you. My dp works 8-4 and does 2 nights sport... He doesn't do anything! He wakes me up in the morning to make his lunch most days... And I have a 3 month old son and study a diploma full time. We have had many fights about him helping around the house but he sees it that he works and makes the money so I should do everything else. Fighting a losing battle I think

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    yes im just sick of the constant disagreements! we have 2 young kids and i know sport is his outlet and blah blah, but im torn between trying to keep things calm or addressing it. if he says - fine ill quit the sports then he'll be sulky, i just wish he could reasonably see that if he pulls his weight we will all be happier!

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    I've read a perspective here on BH before that I agree with. When you're at home with bub, you're working, like he is while he's at work. So when he gets home, it makes sense that you both continue "working" until everything is done. Your work day doesn't end at 6pm so it's not fair that his does too.

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  6. #5
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    I get tons of help from DH and I am grateful but I also expect it, if you know what I mean? I wouldn't have married him if be wasn't the type to do his share 50/50.

    I struggled with PND/PTSD in the first year and he was a total legend.

    Right now he is cleaning the fridge while I'm lounging for a while lol! He works long hours five days and I work four days so I do all the daycare pick ups, most of the dinners and so on, but he definitely does 50/50 overall I'd say.

  7. #6
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    Firstly, taking kids to school and doing jobs around the house is not 'helping the mum out', it is just performing your role as a father.
    Secondly, at our place it goes like this: if it's just me at home, during that time I am primarily caring for the children. If other stuff gets done that's great (it mostly does because my kids are pretty 'easy'). When there are two parents home, both parents are 50% responsible for everything that needs to get done.
    I don't think sport a few times a week is a problem, my DP plays sport twice a week, and often catches up with friends a couple of times a week too- but so do I. If you're not keen on going out, I think if your DH is getting his down time he needs to afford you the same time off, so a couple of nights he's home he needs to be in charge of taking care of the kids and housework while you relax.

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    When our kids were babies my DH was amazing. I developed pnd after DD and she was a shocking sleeper. We had a night roster which enabled both of us to get some decent sleep every second night. He still gets up to our kids in the night if they wake.

    What I appreciate most is that he is plugged in. When he walks through the door after work he is immediately in Dad mode. He'll do whatever needs to be done - dinner/homework/piano practice etc. We take turns putting the kids to bed. He plays with them heaps.

    I do most of the household stuff (he cooks dinner a couple of times a week though). He will pick up the slack if I need him to. I feel we have a great balance.

    Eta - he plays sport once a week and goes to the gym. I go to dance classes twice a week.

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    its good to hear some different perspectives - i just want him to do these things without having to nag and ask him. he is a great dad but seems to find it pretty stressful when he's alone with the kids

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    Hi OP my DH does similar f/t hours and I have a 2.5yo and a 6 mth old.
    I am currently on maternity leave but my DH does the weekly grocery shopping, cooks dinner most of the time, bathes the children half of the time, does half of the washing his own ironing and general tidying and chores around the house.

    Some would say I am fortunate to have a DH who does so much but I expect him to pull his own weight - I'm not his mother. I wouldn't be with anyone who considered it my job to do the full component of household chores.

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    My DH worked from home for just over a year until November last year and he did his fair share of the household/children duties. Now he leaves home at 7.30 and doesn't get home until 7 (sometimes later) and he does not much at all. I do the whole kids dinner/ bath/ bed routine solo and mostly do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, grocery shopping, school lunches and school trips.
    We don't have an extra- curricular stuff on the weekends, so we're both free.
    His regular household duties are the floors (vacuuming and steam mopping), mowing/ yard work and taking care of the rubbish. He'll occasionally hang out a load of washing on the weekends (I mostly do it all during the week), he'll bbq whenever I want him to, and he helps keep the living areas clean and will give me a hand with the dishes. He'll also take care of the kids breakfasts and lunches on the weekend.

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