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  1. #1
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    Default How to support a friend?

    A beautiful friend of mine (we have known each other 20 years this month), delivered a little girl at 22 weeks last night. Baby J only survived a few hours. My friend is in shock and I'm so so sad for her.

    I live 2000km away, but am asking for suggestions for anything I can do.

    While no where near the same, I remember lots of well meaning, but stupid, things people would say to me during my many unsuccessful IVF attempts that just made me feel worse. I want to avoid doing the same to my friend.

    Hugs to all of you who have experienced this.

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    French Pear  (10-03-2014)

  3. #2
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    When this happened to my brother and sil, I ordered a personalised candle for their baby instead of flowers.

    ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1394274377.640590.jpg

    This photo is a bit blurry but you can get the idea.

    I just texted her every week or so to let her know I was thinking of her. She rally appreciated this as after a month or so, people get on with their lives. She has told me so many times how she really appreciated it.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    DJ Nette  (08-03-2014),French Pear  (10-03-2014)

  5. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Nette View Post
    A beautiful friend of mine (we have known each other 20 years this month), delivered a little girl at 22 weeks last night. Baby J only survived a few hours. My friend is in shock and I'm so so sad for her.

    I live 2000km away, but am asking for suggestions for anything I can do.

    While no where near the same, I remember lots of well meaning, but stupid, things people would say to me during my many unsuccessful IVF attempts that just made me feel worse. I want to avoid doing the same to my friend.

    Hugs to all of you who have experienced this.
    We recently lost our DD2 at 20 weeks and a few things that I think help:
    • Telling her you are sorry for the loss of her baby and always mentioning the baby's name - don't ever pretend like the baby didn't exist, so many people do this. I want my DD2 acknowledged as she is our daughter and I went through labour and gave birth to her.
    • Friends of mine brought me a necklace with my DD2's name on it
    • My mother gave me a bracelet with DD2's birthstone in it so I can wear it all the time (not her due date but her actual birthday stone)
    • Friends gave me cards with beautiful messages and some bouquets of flowers.
    • Homecooked meals - hard for you being so far away
    • lots of text messages and not just after the first few weeks, continuing the messages even just saying you are thinking of her and are so sad for her
    • ask to see photos! this is a huge one for me, people act like I didn't want to talk about it and show them photos, it was so hard at first doing so but I wanted to all the same our DD2 is our daughter and I hate when people act like nothing happened
    • friends also brought a gift for my DD2 and gave it to me and I have it up at home.
    • Really just support her and her husband, check in with him if your friend doesn't feel like talking, he will let her know and that will make her feel cared for.
    • don't try and not be upset when you talk to her, cry with her, it will help you both and make her feel not so alone for a while.
    Those are a few things I thought of, I have a special candle a friend made me which I have up with my DD2's photo.

    We also went out and brought a special tree to put in our garden as a memorial which we call our DD2's tree, it makes it a special place for us at home.

    Maybe even ask her husband for some photo and get a beautiful print made up and send to her....

    I have really gone on and these suggestions may not be what you friend needs but these are things that helped me in my time of darkness, its not easy and I still struggle now but it does get a bit easier. I am so sorry that this happened to your friend.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to French Pear For This Useful Post:

    deku  (10-03-2014),DJ Nette  (10-03-2014)


 

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