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  1. #81
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    its so hard

    People just dont understand the hurt and frustration that pathetic, off the cuff comments can make


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    MsViking  (20-06-2014)

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    Oh God ...

    It's as if DH's ears were burning or something.

    Got home from work last night to find DH looking all serious, saying "we need to talk about something"

    Turns out he's really wanting another child and wants us to do another round of IVF !!!

    Gawd. Thought he was going to tell me he'd cheated or something. Actually I might feel better if he'd cheated. I'm feeling sooooo anxious about the thought of doing it all again, I dunno arrhh!

  4. #83
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    HopefulK

    its a very hard journey. No matter what you do


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    MsViking  (20-06-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post
    HopefulK

    its a very hard journey. No matter what you do

    Thanks. Nice to know that there are people here who understand!

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    So I thought I had convinced myself I wanted another. I don't. When it came to us about to start trying... I got really anxious and scared and realised I don't want to. At all. I have told my DH who is being as understanding as he can but he is so disappointed.

    I know it's usually women in the position he is in...any tips for making this easier?

    I know he isn't going to leave me and loves me more than a hypothetical child who doesn't exist yet etc but I wish I could not be the source of his pain somehow

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    MsViking  (03-08-2014)

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    Have you considered counselling? I totally get it so big hugs xxx

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    Open to that definitely...he won't be though. And I don't think it would help really as I have been very open and honest about my reasons for not wanting another. I'm certainly not interested in being convinced to have another. Which I guess is my fear if counselling (which may not be accurate).

    I also don't think that wanting one means something is "wrong" with me so it requires counselling. My DH wants two but definitely not three. If I wanted three and he only wanted two, I can't see us going to counselling for that... Does that make sense?

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    I was thinking more for your DH to hear where you are coming from but if he totally understands then yeah it won't help. Xx
    Last edited by lilypily; 03-08-2014 at 21:29.

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    **** @kw123 it's not blardy easy this business. I still can't make my mind up. I really don't have any useful advice as my DH is the opposite. I guess through our journey this past year I would just say, let him sit on it. My DH was really good at weighing up pros and cons with me. Doing that really helped me see a different kind of future with different opportunities, this might help your DH. it's hard when we have "rules" around what we think our family should look like. Have you talked about his reasons for wanting another?

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    Thanks @babyla...

    Just the usual... That's what "people" do, DS might get lonely... Etc. He is fairly traditional so I get it.

    But we also have no family support. I work four days (and always will - would also never take more than 6 months mat leave) - and he is rarely home before 7.30pm so basically I would be doing it all myself Mon-Fri which I am not up for at all.


 

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