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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Thanks @babyla...

    Just the usual... That's what "people" do, DS might get lonely... Etc. He is fairly traditional so I get it.

    But we also have no family support. I work four days (and always will - would also never take more than 6 months mat leave) - and he is rarely home before 7.30pm so basically I would be doing it all myself Mon-Fri which I am not up for at all.
    I reckon talking about it is helpful. Sometimes I think we (me) just think about what the "rule" is rather than what the true impact on daily life will be as a reality. This might be where your DH is at a bit. It's great that you know what you want. My psych suggested that I start talking more to people we know who only have one child, to explore it more, him being traditional he might not have considered what the alternate could be - I know this has been me a bit. Although the idea of going through another pregnancy and the rest does feel like a form of sado masochism, it's not something I want to go through,

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    lilypily  (03-08-2014)

  3. #92
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    I think it's important to link in with people that only have 1. I had a light bulb moment a few months ago at a wedding. I just looked over at my DH and DS in a church of all places (not religious at all) and just simply thought to myself that we are perfect as 3. We don't need anything else. He would make a great big brother but it won't happen.

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    babyla  (03-08-2014),MsViking  (04-08-2014)

  5. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilypily View Post
    I think it's important to link in with people that only have 1. I had a light bulb moment a few months ago at a wedding. I just looked over at my DH and DS in a church of all places (not religious at all) and just simply thought to myself that we are perfect as 3. We don't need anything else. He would make a great big brother but it won't happen.
    I've had this moment, it's lovely.

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    lilypily  (03-08-2014)

  7. #94
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    I know this thread is slightly old but I was so glad to find it. I have a 3 year old and I have never once since her birth truly wanted another. I find parenthood hard and I don't want any more. But my partner really does and I worry about cheating my daughter out of a sibling - she loves babies and would be an amazing big sister. I tried so so hard to convince myself I wanted to do it for their sake. I even had my iud removed a few months ago. But I just can't get happy or excited. I get miserable just thinking about being pregnant and having two children. But I know my partner will be super sad and disappointed. This is so so hard :-(

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    Also - why is this forum section called Parents of a "Lone" Child? I don't really like that use of word, it sounds like "lonely"? Is that silly?

  9. #96
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    Hugs xx

    I bought pre-natal vitamins but then when it came to it, I just couldn't. I would lie awake feeling anxious about it. Obviously that's not how it's meant to be! Fortunately my DH has said he is now at peace with the idea of not having more children which is such a relief.

    My son also loves babies and I have no doubt he would be a fab big brother but I dont feel I am cheating him. He has a range of significant relationships in his life, he just won't bae a sibling one. Families are all shapes and sizes these days. He will also have a range of life experiences he wouldn't have if we had a bigger family. And I know it wouldn't make me happy so of course there is that factor.

    My view is that you can't have a baby for anyone else - not your partner and not an existing child.

    Hope it all works out for you x

  10. #97
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    I have one DS who is 3 years old. I'm going to be overly blunt here: For a very long time the taught if having a 2nd child really ****ed me off. Hubby says he wants a second but I know my husband and a second child would worsen his quality of life. My son does not get along with other children he is quirky and can be a real bully. I'm exhausted, emotional and 'over it'.

    But at times my family feels incomplete and I feel like I havn'y given motherhood 100%. So we have been trying for number 2 for a few months now with no luck... I hope that I am infertile and we can move in. I need the decision not to go again to be made my ...not me.. so i cant blame myself when I'm 60.

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  12. #98
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    Hi,

    Im a mum of one but not happy about it. We needed IVF and I always thought I would have two. We are considering starting IVF again, but the money is prohibitive. My daughter is now going to school and I would love to give her a sibling.

    I look at families with two or three and I wish that was me. she always asks for me to have another baby. It actually heartbreaking for me.

    But I could have easily been a person without a child, many pay huge amounts of money to be left with empty arms. So I am lucky.

    thank you.
    wiccan

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    Quote Originally Posted by changethestars View Post
    Also - why is this forum section called Parents of a "Lone" Child? I don't really like that use of word, it sounds like "lonely"? Is that silly?
    No it's not silly, I thought the same thing xx

  14. #100
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    Sorry I know this is an old thread but just wanted to reply. I have only one, I always thought we would have two but I had a terrible pregnancy and birth experience and did not want to go through all that again, also DD was such a difficult baby/toddler/preschooler that I just couldn't contemplate it. She was diagnosed with autism at 3 yrs old and an absolute handful. Could not have dealt with all that and looked after another baby at the same time. Also there was a risk that the second baby could have autism too and it was hard enough just raising one. Only just now do I feel like she is starting to settle a bit and even though she still has her moments, I feel more on top of things and parenting in general. However she's now 9 years old and she wants a sibling her own age, not a new baby. She's so upset that she doesn't have a sibling and she says she's lonely and wants to know why I never had another baby. I can't tell her that it's because of her autism or because Mummy had the pregnancy/childbirth from hell. I don't want her to be lonely and my heart breaks for her, but I also know that it wouldn't have been right for me to have a second child just so the first one had a sibling. A child should be wanted for itself, not in relation to someone else. It's hard though. Anyway rant over!

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