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  1. #11
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    You know when I started this thread I didn't even make the connection with bullying. But that's exactly what it is! So Thankyou everyone for clarifying that for me. Yes girls can be such cows. And now when I think back, I can think of a couple more comments where dd6 says she was told what to do by other kids. I need to help her learn to defend herself and stand up for herself. Problem there is I was never too good at that myself. I fudged through primary school and had a best friend who did all my defending for me lol.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Ted View Post
    I would document the different occasions.
    It is quite normal for classes to have "leaders" for the week, but it doesn't excuse children from pushing other children around - the teacher should have made it clear to your DD that there were leaders but also given the other child consequences for poor behaviour.

    Year 1 and 2 girls are notorious for being a little difficult at times in regards to excluding others but again - they should be taught and reinforced that this is not the way it should be. If we had a child excluding others at school they would be excluded from play, not their lunch, but just sitting down outside during play time.

    I would do as River Song suggested - talk to the teacher about this first - put your words in writing and keep a copy so that if it isn't followed up you can see the Principal.

    It is hard to know the exact circumstances as a parent as we only hear one side - have a chat to the teacher and follow it further if necessary. Sometimes the teacher doesn't know that it's an ongoing thing and other times there is more to the story. Just be careful how you approach it - I've had a couple of parents come in guns blazing only to walk home with their tail between their legs highly embarrassed after finding out the whole truth. On the other hand though, I really appreciated calm parents informing me of something that I was unaware was happening (usually due to the children playing in a different playground to where you are rostered) and was more than happy to follow it up as I think this behaviour is completely unacceptable at school...or anywhere!
    The leaders of the line was only put in place after I had complained three times about the jostling for top place. I'll see if I can have a wee chat to the teacher at pick up today but documenting it is a good idea. My memory isn't thebest so I tend to forget details as time goes on. Thanks

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Argh, this is the story of my DD's life. Girls are such little cows. Although my DD's year is apparently one of the b!tchiest the school has ever seen. DD is in year 3 and this 'excluding' nonsense has been going on since kindergarten.
    I have spoken to my DD, all the time, about how to deal with it, probably mostly stuff you've said already, but I also tell her that although she really wants to play with the bestie, if the mean girl is always going to be there then she needs to decide whether she can put up with that, or whether she should just go and play with a different group. She usually persists in playing with the bestie though.
    She deals with it all quite well, is very diplomatic to mean girls, but does ask for the teacher on duty's help sometimes. They will sometimes help, sometimes do nothing.
    If she complains to me too much about it, I will speak to the class teacher. These girls have had *many* meetings in the past about behaviour.
    This year, I think it's only a 3-6 thing, they do 'restorative circles' at least every week, with the class or just with a group of kids. It's kind of like mediation, where each kid has a chance to speak up about what's bothering them and they try and come to a solution. My kids love them and say they work very well. Maybe you could ask the school if they do anything like that? Although as I said I think it's for older primary.

    Good luck. I find it all very frustrating to listen to as a parent, but I just don't think there's much you can do, even if the teachers are strict on it, it only takes one little snide comment to cause more tension and upset.
    You're right, it doesn't take much to set it all off. I'm glad it doesn't really get to your dd, I think my dd6 isn't *too* upset but it wouldn't take much to make things worse. I think I'll enroll her in karate because she needs some help.

    Yes they do restorative practice in our school as well. And yes I talk to dd6 about how to deal with it but I'd be interested to hear what kind of conversations you have with your dd?

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    Erghh, I hate the nonsense that goes on with little girls sometimes.

    My DD (5.5) went through similar to what you are describing last year at Kinder. She seems to have a really sweet group of girls in Prep this year though.

    There were 2 girls in her group last year who would say 'you're not my friend if... etc'. I just told DD to say 'ok' and go and play with someone else, or even by herself! Of course as soon as she did this they would run after her and say 'only joking', but it really did put a stop to the manipulation. After all, if it doesn't work, they won't continue.

    I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but my girls are pretty good at speaking up when someone else is getting bullied which also heaps change the dynamics. It's a lot harder to speak up for yourself though.

    We've had lots of chats where I've said something like: 'some kids don't understand how to play nicely, try not to let it worry you etc'.

    I also tell them that they have to be friendLY to everyone, but they don't have to be friends with everyone IFYWIM. DD1 can be a bit of a people pleaser and I think this helped her realise that not everyone has to be best buddies in life.

    Your poor sweet DD. She is such a lovely kid! She will be ok in the long run I am sure, but it is so hard when you feel like you are sending them off to a pack of wolves!!

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  6. #15
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    Thanks OLB that makes lots of sense. I have told her that some people make better friends than others but I like how you put it too. The problem is she won't walk away, she wants to play with her bestie and she wants to keep her place in the line up so she fights for that but not in a very effective way. Hopefully today she will follow the plan we came up with, to leave the classroom with another friend and not chase her bestie. This morning didn't start well tho, she was excluded in the line up again and went off looking very sad. She's just not very assertive.

    I spoke to the teacher AND took the chance to talk to the principal on the grounds that I think it's too harsh on the grade 1s to go from being cosseted and nurtured in prep to being thrown in at the deep end in g1. The principal said he will talk to the teacher about the fact that Fiona feels she can't go to her for help. The teacher is going to talk to all the girls and find out what is going on and take it from there. I should hear something back in the next couple of days.

    I invited her bestie over for a sleepover on the weekend so at least they got some time to play together. And I had a chat to her mother who said all the bestie talks about at home is dd6. So at least it's not the case that bestie has just found a new friend. She's being pushed around too.

    I've also enrolled dd6 in karate. I really think she needs something to help her confidence. We always knew she was shy with adults (eg it's a big deal for her to pay for something by herself because she had to deal with the shop assistant) but it seems that she has an issue with her peers as well.

    Oh dear! Hopefully we can navigate this ok. I guess it's just practice though for all the other similar issues that will come up over time. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


 

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