+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 45
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    277
    Thanks
    395
    Thanked
    149
    Reviews
    0

    Default Am I being unreasonable???

    DH and I have just had a huge fight about going away with his family over Xmas! First of all, I have had major issues with my MIL when we got married, I can never forgive her for what she has done and It took DH and I over 12 months to speak to her after our wedding. About a year ago I had it out with her and since then things have been polite and ok but to be honest I hate being left alone with her because it's such an effort for me and I just try and talk about neutral topics. we see her maybe once a week to once a fortnight and I just keep the peace but trust me I only do it for DH's sake! Well I'm currently 6 months pregnant and we are expecting a little boy in June. Anyway DH is also very close with his grand parents and they rang us today and I could here him saying we would be interested in going away with them and his mother and partner, he said yes and I tapped his arm and then he said I just need to speak with the wife first.
    He got of the phone and they want to go for 2 weeks over Xmas and New Years. I said I didn't want to for a couple of reasons.

    -It's our first Xmas as a family and I want to do it on our terms not someone else's.
    - I don't think I could handle his mother for 2 weeks, there won't be any of DH's siblings there which is normally how I get through the family gatherings.
    -We haven't had bubs yet, I have no idea how I'm going to feel about travelling and what he is going to be like.
    And the last one ( I feel bad thinking this and couldn't say this to DH yet) why should my MIL get to spend our baby's first Xmas with us over my mum and other family who have always been there for us. To be honest this is probably the biggest one for me, my MIL always wants to be the most important person or first to know things so she can rub it in other people face and I feel she we be gloating about the fact she is spending Xmas with our bub and no one else gets to.

    I told DH that I could probably bear a week either before or after Xmas but not over Xmas but he is being unreasonable and just says am I going to hold a grudge forever.... I don't honestly know!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    3,487
    Thanks
    449
    Thanked
    1,571
    Reviews
    12
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I would only go for a week most, knowing me probably a few days - 2 weeks is way too long to holiday with family, especially if things are strained.
    I think perhaps spending some time with both your families as well as some time just with your husband and son is very reasonable.

  3. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MummaOJ For This Useful Post:

    GrabbyCrabby  (07-03-2014),Pusheen The Cat  (03-03-2014),Sweetcheeks1  (03-03-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,555
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    559
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    No, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't be going anywhere for bubs first Christmas, let alone for 2 weeks. Stand your ground and stay home where you will be comfortable. Let the IL's go away on their own!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Cicho For This Useful Post:

    Sweetcheeks1  (03-03-2014)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,530
    Thanks
    377
    Thanked
    1,526
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    You are not being unreasonable. A two week holiday is quite a while especially with a new baby. I would give DH the option of going without you though.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to duckduckgoose For This Useful Post:

    Mulva  (03-03-2014)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    757
    Thanks
    99
    Thanked
    120
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Wow I love my inlaws and I would go mad spending two weeks on holidays with them!!!

    I think your counter offer of one week is more than reasonable its not like your flat out refusing.

    Good luck

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to MeeG For This Useful Post:

    Sweetcheeks1  (03-03-2014)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    587
    Thanks
    358
    Thanked
    503
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Argh, why do they always say "sure, I'll just have to check with the wife"?! I hate that!! Always makes it our "fault"!!

    I'm trying to teach my partner to say " I'll see what were doing and if it fits in" he's got such a habit of agreeing to anything they say! Last week, his mum sent a text, "can you be in (suburb) in the morning? I'll call you" and he said yes, I was like why do you need to go there? And he was like I dunno, he had no idea what she wanted from there, or what he had to do, just said yes! So weird!!

    What does your husband say? Does he realise how uncomfortable it will be for you? Does he want to go? I can't imagine spending two weeks with anyone, let alone someone I don't like and with a baby as well, no way!!

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DaenerysT For This Useful Post:

    grooviechic35  (03-03-2014),Mulva  (03-03-2014)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    7,160
    Thanks
    1,701
    Thanked
    3,395
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    My In laws are very similar in that I would go nuts on 2 weeks holiday with them.
    And when we first had DD we both didn't commit to anything with either sets of parents too early. I would just say for the time being that you don't know how bub will be with travelling etc and think about it for a while.
    In saying that 1 week seems pretty reasonable.
    However, would you ask your DH to go on two weeks holiday with your family? If so then you have to be willing to give and take. I only say this because my DH came on a10 day cruise with my parents one Christmas... when he did that I had to understand that it would be reasonable to expect that I should go away with his one day. All within reason and practicality.
    However with your history with MIL I can understand your reservations.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,321
    Thanks
    1,552
    Thanked
    2,537
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I agree I hate the I have to check with the wife/boss line.
    It puts the partner in such an awkward position.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to ExcuseMyFrench For This Useful Post:

    Sweetcheeks1  (03-03-2014)

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    277
    Thanks
    395
    Thanked
    149
    Reviews
    0
    Thanks ladies you have made me feel much better! We use to go away on family trips prior to our falling out and had a great time but we also had DH's siblings too. DH was able to have it out with his mother and let everything go but for me, it just can't be back the way it use to be ( I actually feel that the way I handle the situation is much more than my MIL deserves).

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to Sweetcheeks1 For This Useful Post:

    DaenerysT  (03-03-2014)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    277
    Thanks
    395
    Thanked
    149
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by DaenerysT View Post
    Argh, why do they always say "sure, I'll just have to check with the wife"?! I hate that!! Always makes it our "fault"!!

    I'm trying to teach my partner to say " I'll see what were doing and if it fits in" he's got such a habit of agreeing to anything they say! Last week, his mum sent a text, "can you be in (suburb) in the morning? I'll call you" and he said yes, I was like why do you need to go there? And he was like I dunno, he had no idea what she wanted from there, or what he had to do, just said yes! So weird!!

    What does your husband say? Does he realise how uncomfortable it will be for you? Does he want to go? I can't imagine spending two weeks with anyone, let alone someone I don't like and with a baby as well, no way!!
    Oh I'm annoyed he said yes and then he would check with me. Now they know it is me that said no and it will be because I said no that we aren't going!

    DH wants to go, he says that his family love me and want me apart of their family and I'm the one that doesn't want to be apart of it. I feel really guilty about that because I love his grand parents but I feel everything is being forced on me and I want to have MY family with DH and bubs at Xmas. Of course I want extended family involved but not be the tag along in what they want... If that makes any sense.

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Sweetcheeks1 For This Useful Post:

    DaenerysT  (03-03-2014)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Unreasonable?
    By SAgirl in forum General Chat
    Replies: 56
    Last Post: 08-12-2013, 01:55
  2. am I being unreasonable?
    By JAUSMROS in forum General Chat
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 06-12-2013, 11:44
  3. who is being unreasonable here?
    By GlitterFarts in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 26-11-2013, 20:24

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Billington Street
For stationery as unique as you are! ♥ Handmade, custom designed stationery for all of life's celebrations
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!