To be honest, I don't even know how to start this post so my apologies if it is a ramble before it makes sense!
I have been with my man for 7 years. He has 4 children from a previous marriage and we have one together. We've been through the good, the bad and the ugly but we have a few issues with communication when it comes to his 4 kids and I loathe the idea of counselling - no make that totally against the idea - but I'm starting to wondering if we should go.
A few things have arisen in regards to behaviour (mainly the eldest) of a serious nature (law breaking although, although very mild, I still take seriously). I am very much lets BOTH us of work out how WE would like it to handled etc and what we think and then work with his ex (who by the way I have never met and have zero communication with - I don't mind this arrangement and it works differently for different people). He however went ahead and decided everything. I explained that whilst I don't need to have the final say, I'm not here to just pay, babysit, cook and clean and make sure the kids are okay when we have them only to be shafted out of every other point of their lives and expected to just deal with the decisions made.
Recently the eldest has asked to move in with FIL (he can't with us due to distance and changing schools). Once again, a conversation that was meant to be had with us, then his dad and then the ex and lastly the child. Instead it went from a mention to me, then a full blown conversation with his dad, then the child was informed. I got mad and explained it can't work like that - again. He agreed and I thought we would move forward. Then he and FIL have a conversation with the child except at this point the ex is still totally unaware of these conversations. I explain again, please don't as if she says no, we'll have more problems. Spoke today and it was agreed he would ask the ex about child moving in with FIL and that he would move in 3 weeks, so that we could still sort out a few things. She says 'take him today' and hubby agrees to take him next week. WTF!??! I want what's best for the children but it needs to be a united front. Not him calling the shots and me trailing behind cleaning up the mess.
So (after all of that), I can't work out if I'm missing something or if he is. I'm forever having a go at him, he's forever apologising but we still seem to have the same problem. I can't work if maybe my expectations are wrong but if we agree 3 weeks and then he agrees to 1, I'm baffled and he's annoyed that I'm angry again. These decisions have resulted in us not being able to move interstate (I had already left for this with our youngest now in childcare a state away) even though he would come back every second weekend. I feel like I keep bending for him. He feels like I'm never happy and has to please everyone.
Has anyone been to counselling? Did it do you any good? Does anyone have any recommendations for one in Victoria?