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  1. #1
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    Default I'm the lesbian mom not carrying the baby...

    So I will be a new mom in September. Our due date is Sept 15th. I am not the one carrying the child. My wife is. But she can be so irritable. I feel like I can. Of please her she is just so miserable and it is so hard for me to see her suffer. Even harder to feel as tho I'm suffering too with all this anxiety its causing me. When we first decided to become parents and she would carry the child it sounded like Christmas. Well there is no snow flakes or candy canes here. Just high tension and a bad first trimester. I'm just at my Witt's end. I feel like she hates me and regrets that we even wanted Family. We are going on our 12th week now. Does it get any better? There has been no intimacy what's so ever thru this entire pregnancy. Literally since Implantation nothing. I feel like I've been hanging out with my buddy. I get frustrated because I feel like her friend and her response to that is "well I feel sick all the time" I !mean is it too much to ask for a kiss or a hug. Maybe ho!d my hand or tell me you love me without me initiating it every single time? Does any one have any advise or simulr experiences? Or is our relationship doomed?

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    I'm not a lesbian so I can't help there. I am however 29 weeks pregnant with my 4th child. Pregnancy is tough, especially the first and in my experience the last trimester.

    I'm sure your partner is just exhausted and feels like crap. My husband feels rejected too. It's nothing personal, I still love him very much, I'm just worn out.

    I'm sure things will start to improve soon

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    Sorry you're having a hard time

    Also not a lesbian here, but I do relate to where your wife is at right now. When I was pregnant with my son I craved intimacy and that didn't stop right up until I gave birth. This time around is so, so different. I can't stand to have him near me and I can't even explain why. I love him, but the thought of being touched is just too much. I have been more reactive to smells, etc this time around so maybe that contributes too? I am due in less than a week and hoping I don't still feel like this after. Dh has thankfully been very understanding, and he knows it is not my intention to make him feel rejected.

    Hormones can suck sometimes

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    Quote Originally Posted by stekcop View Post
    So I will be a new mom in September. Our due date is Sept 15th. I am not the one carrying the child. My wife is. But she can be so irritable. I feel like I can. Of please her she is just so miserable and it is so hard for me to see her suffer. Even harder to feel as tho I'm suffering too with all this anxiety its causing me. When we first decided to become parents and she would carry the child it sounded like Christmas. Well there is no snow flakes or candy canes here. Just high tension and a bad first trimester. I'm just at my Witt's end. I feel like she hates me and regrets that we even wanted Family. We are going on our 12th week now. Does it get any better? There has been no intimacy what's so ever thru this entire pregnancy. Literally since Implantation nothing. I feel like I've been hanging out with my buddy. I get frustrated because I feel like her friend and her response to that is "well I feel sick all the time" I !mean is it too much to ask for a kiss or a hug. Maybe ho!d my hand or tell me you love me without me initiating it every single time? Does any one have any advise or simulr experiences? Or is our relationship doomed?
    I can't seem to PM you and don't want to say too much in the forums. My partner and I are a lesbian couple and we are 36 weeks pregnant, I am carrying. I can relate a few things you have said to some of the ways DP has felt throughout this pregnancy, the absolute best thing that has got is through is the fact that DP has been 100% honest about her feelings and occasional concerns with me and we have worked through them together. When we started this we didn't realise that there would be some things along the way that would be difficult (as hetro couples probably experience too). The biggest thing has been the fact that DP is going to be a mummy too but doesn't get to do many of those "mummy" things like carry the baby, breastfeeding and all the other little experiences that come with carrying a child. We have worked through everything together and we try to do all we can to make sure she is as involved as me. Most of the time it has just been about understanding and allowing for DP to have special things too. Things like, we would prefer to breastfeed but at the end of the day we are going into it to try as best we can but perhaps DP may feel like she's lacking that bonding time so I am more than willing to express so she can feed or even FF. It's all about decisions we make together.

    As far as anxiety, DP was very stressed about things possibly going wrong, she couldn't feel the baby or her body and know that things were ok like I could. It's much easier now that bub moves around and she can lay her hand on my belly and feel everything she is up to. Again the biggest thing that helped was talking to each other about everything we both felt.

    I have been hormonal the entire time, I find I get crankier at things more easily these days. For the first 18ish weeks I was very sick with OHSS and morning sickness and that just added to how I felt. I don't know how DP has put up with me to be honest. Sometimes I can see how irrational I am being but I just can't stop myself. It got much better when I started feeling better and we could share special moments together. Try to remember how it feels to be sick yourself and support your wife, she probably feels just as bad as you do. Sometimes all I needed to feel a little better was a hug. For fear of repeating myself over and over again, the biggest thing that got us through was talking and being understanding of each others feelings. Sometimes that's easier said than done but remember there was a reason you decided to start a family together and a reason you fell in love, try to remember the good things and make the most of the things that are happening.. It's something amazing to be able to lay around talking about your future together and feeling your little bub kicking around. Things will get better.

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    Again, not in a same sex relationship, but I can see both sides to your OP. Intimacy is like oxygen to me, and I know how hurtful it can be to feel like it's being withheld. I get that feeling of 'it's really not that hard to make an effort when you know how meaningful it is to me'.

    On the other hand, when I was pregnant I was exhausted. I didn't really get morning sickness at all but I was just...so achy and uncomfortable almost from the start. Getting out of bed in the morning, going to work, and eating and showering took everything I had for the first 15 or so weeks. Some days the eating and showering part didn't even really get a look in. You sound like you are doing your best to be supportive and caring, and I'm sure your partner knows that. But it can be so hard to show your appreciation when it takes everything you have to just function!

    To be honest, even after my pregnancy and into the first 12 weeks of DS' life I didn't have energy to do anything but look after my son. It's a very difficult time for most relationships to adjust to a house of three, particularly when that tiny third person is only interested in their own needs! So, to answer your question, I don't think your relationship is doomed. It's worth talking through your feelings if you can do so without placing pressure on your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, and try and remember this is a stage that will come to an end, it just might not be for a while longer. If you both try and treat each other with love, even if that is expressed differently from usual for now, then I can see no reason to think that there will be problems.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Best Things View Post
    I can't seem to PM you and don't want to say too much in the forums.
    The OP will need to post a few more times before being able to send and receive pm's

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    Hey I was going to reply but I see this is an old post - how did everything work out? Had your bub come along yet?

    Sent from my SM-T310 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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