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  1. #1
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    Default feeling over-protective

    I'm not sure of the extent to which these feelings are normal, or if I'm just totally crazy. Sorry this is long!
    Our baby isn't due for another few months but I'm already feeling weirdly over-protective to the point of possessive with him.
    Both my family and DP's are perfectly nice, good people, there's no one I don't actually like or have any issues with. But it makes me really anxious and uncomfortable to think that all of these people are going to want to be involved in his life, and visit us, and hold him and touch him.
    I'm already quite adamant that I don't want visitors for the first couple of days (which I think is not unreasonable), but if it were really up to me I'd extend that to the first several months.
    And when people we're not even that close to say things like they're excited and look forward to meeting him, I just think "why would you be excited, this is none of your business, and what possible interest would you have in seeing our baby?"
    (And no, I never have any interest in meeting other people's newborns - sure they're cute, and I'm happy for the parents, but I don't get why I would need to see or hold their baby?)
    Once they're up and walking/talking/actually interacting with other people, then I have no issues whatsoever, and I'm happy to send him off to the grandparents or wherever in a year or so. But when he's so little, he's my baby and I don't want him to be anywhere other than with me. ...Or with DP, if he's lucky

    So other than being a very introverted, private person, and having a general weakness in understanding social norms and expectations, I really don't know why I feel so strongly about this. I know our families will love him and care for him, and probably not drop him or sneeze on him or steal him or be disrespectful of our parenting choices, or do anything else bad that I can think of.
    I really need to get over this or I'll have such a horrible time in those first few months, I don't actually want to forbid other people from holding him! But I have no idea how since I don't really know where this is coming from in the first place

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  3. #2
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    I agree with you , your feelings are maybe just a little too strong, are you an anxious person in general?

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    I totally know how you feel. When my son was born I HATED anyone holding him besides myself or my DH. It drove me crazy I was so protective and still. I couldn't explain it to people no one would understand I just wanted him all to myself. He is mine and no one should hold him. It's slowly gone away now, the older he is but it's still slightly there. It's not something to be ashamed of just work through it and it's just the mumma bear in you

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    I think your feelings are rather normal, Deku. As someone who is due in a few months and also doesn't understand the need to hold other people's newborns/infants, I feel exactly the same way right now. I think that you will find a good balance with protectiveness and tolerance of close relatives' desire for cuddles when your little one is here.

    From what I read it sounds like you have a very healthy outlook for the future.

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    I don't mind people seeing my baby even having a little cuddle, but when the inlaws say you won't get a chance to have him
    With this lot around they'll always be fighting over him.... Really makes me anxious and annoyed! I know they just want to make me feel as though he'll be loved but I get angry in this inside and pretty much have to calm myself down...

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    I felt the exact same way when I had dd1. And again, but not quite as strong, when dd2 was born.

    I am not anxious, or depressed or anything like that, I just felt this love and amazing feeling that was a need to protect her. I think it was some "mother bear" instinct. I truly couldn't understand why anyone else felt they wanted or needed to hold MY baby.

    I think your feelings are normal.

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    I think your feelings are a little extreme OP. Sorry, but I have to respond with the truth. But I think you can acknowledge that people feel differently about things. So obviously some people LOVE babies, they are magical little humans - so soft & delicate & snuggly, they really cast a spell on people.

    One of my in-laws felt like you & it was very sad being an Aunty that wasn't really welcome. It's Mum & Dads choice how they raise their baby but I think it's a shame when they disregard the love that other people have for their babies. And their little one has grown to be so dependant on Mum & Dad, doesn't identify that even the grandparents are safe, trustworthy people. It's sad.

    Having a newborn, I think it's so lovely that so many people are excited about her, it means she is going to grow up in a very loving environment, what more could you want?

    I think you may feel differently after birth. You'll realise there is plenty of time for Mum & Dad to indulge in baby. Even with a constant flow of visitors, I doubt that you will feel like you don't get enough time with baby. I would guess you'll have at least 20hrs a day on your own with baby. Much of that time may be spent staring into the bassinet while they sleep, so cute

    See how you feel later, but I would definitely encourage you to open up a little, even if it's just with immediate family. My personal view is that baby will be better off for it in the long run.

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    Quote Originally Posted by JungleMum View Post
    I think your feelings are a little extreme OP. Sorry, but I have to respond with the truth. But I think you can acknowledge that people feel differently about things. So obviously some people LOVE babies, they are magical little humans - so soft & delicate & snuggly, they really cast a spell on people.

    One of my in-laws felt like you & it was very sad being an Aunty that wasn't really welcome. It's Mum & Dads choice how they raise their baby but I think it's a shame when they disregard the love that other people have for their babies. And their little one has grown to be so dependant on Mum & Dad, doesn't identify that even the grandparents are safe, trustworthy people. It's sad.

    Having a newborn, I think it's so lovely that so many people are excited about her, it means she is going to grow up in a very loving environment, what more could you want?

    I think you may feel differently after birth. You'll realise there is plenty of time for Mum & Dad to indulge in baby. Even with a constant flow of visitors, I doubt that you will feel like you don't get enough time with baby. I would guess you'll have at least 20hrs a day on your own with baby. Much of that time may be spent staring into the bassinet while they sleep, so cute

    See how you feel later, but I would definitely encourage you to open up a little, even if it's just with immediate family. My personal view is that baby will be better off for it in the long run.
    I agree with this.

    Not saying your feelings are wrong OP, I'm just one of those people that love little babies.
    I too have lots of nieces and nephews and we are all very close, I would feel sad if I felt unwelcome at any time in their life.
    The same goes with close friends babies and children.

    As with my own children, it made me so happy to see so many people who loved and cherished them. Our kids are so close with their grandparents (all four sets of them...split family ) and their aunties and uncles and cousins (too many to count).

    You do spend a lot of time with your baby, sometimes I found it nice for other people to hold or rock him to sleep so I could have a cup of tea.

    But like I said, your feelings are wrong, I'm just giving you another perspective.


    DH, Me and our two boys.
    #3 due 30th Sept

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  15. #9
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    Your feelings will change once the baby is here and it won't sleep or settle and you need a break!
    Sure for now your his/her protector and no one else can take that away from you but when the baby is born you will need to share it around with your DH and family & friends unless you are willing to hurt your loved ones by not allowing them this opportunity!

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    I felt much the same with DD1 (a little less intense though), what helped me get passed it is realizing that DD1 needs to establish her own relationships with her family.


 

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