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  1. #1
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    Default To what extend a child is "naughty" in front of other family members?

    DS (3.5) and I were at my parents today and as soon as we got there DS' eyes lit when he saw some left over cans of wall paint and tools that my parents have been using to do a little renovation. He had fun being given some paint and brush to have a taste test painting on some left over wood pieces... But i didnt expect that ds, being a super curious and DEMANDING little monkey usually would ask for more paint and started to make a big mess in the backyard basically painting over the patio etc... My mum later started grabbing and pulling the whole paint can from him because apparently she wouldnt give him more, but the scene where he made a huge fuss out of it became embarassing later on where my parents next door lady came out to take a peek and my mum wouldnt stop raising her voice and calling him naughty boy numerous times and ds cries didnt subside for an hour till he passed out by himself on the couch!


    I had a good lecture from mum this arvo saying what an obedient kid my little one has turned into and its all my fault that i perhaps always caved in to him and gave him everything.


    Well.. Raising a kid is never easy.. There are many many times ds loves ignoring me and i have no choice but to let him do it because he knows his tantrums etc would get him whatever he wants, even his fave toy wouldnt win him over... And if i caved in, usually that would be a win-win situation for us ie. he would stop throwing tantrums (peacefulness for me) and he gets to do whatever he wants as long as its not a life threatening stuff... But in the end i always know that he has no disciplines!


    My mum always says i always appear too easy on him.. He knows that and he takes it for granted... She says this path leads to raising a disobedient child ....do you agree?
    Oh... The word "naughty" has easily slipped out my mothers mouth these past few months directed towards my son... I never see him as naughty.. He's just ..uhm..needs more time to learn. i think i speak from the softest part of my heart as a mum.
    Last edited by bunnymum; 20-02-2014 at 00:21.

  2. #2
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    I don't like telling children they're naughty.

    But, I think you've answer your own question. Yep, it sounds like you give in to your child to avoid a tantrum, and he knows it and plays you because he knows all he has to do is stamp his get and pretend to cry to get what he wants.

    You should start being firmer now. He will still love you even if you tell him no. Children love boundaries and if you don't start doing something now, you will be in big trouble later.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by bunnymum View Post


    Well.. Raising a kid is never easy.. There are many many times ds loves ignoring me and i have no choice but to let him do it because he knows his tantrums etc would get him whatever he wants, even his fave toy wouldnt win him over... And if i caved in, usually that would be a win-win situation for us ie. he would stop throwing tantrums (peacefulness for me) and he gets to do whatever he wants as long as its not a life threatening stuff... But in the end i always know that he has no disciplines!
    After reading this bit- I agree with your mother. This will lead you and your child to trouble IMO.

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    Yep- my sis is exactly the same. Def do something now. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I don't like telling children they're naughty.
    I've heard that it's not good telling a child they're naughty but what else do you call it??

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fiery View Post
    I've heard that it's not good telling a child they're naughty but what else do you call it??
    Label the behaviour, not the child. Eg. You say that it's naughty to throw paint everywhere, rather than "you are a naughty boy/girl." I try to tell my son why not to do it (eg you'll ruin the floor with paint) and help him with what needs to be done to fix it (eg let's clean up the paint together, just using the paint example again)

    Seems a small difference but it gives the child the opportunity to behave differently instead of being labelled.

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    I think your mum was a bit harsh on you. You give child paint and of course they are going to go crazy!

    But I do agree it is important to have strong boundaries and that it's the behaviour that's naughty not the child.
    I used to find it much harder to discipline my children in public than in my own house. But I learnt if you take them out of the situation to another room, tell him your not happy and give him time out , it is not so public yet you mum and others and your son see he's not getting away from it. The first time they may scream and fuss but he will get the idea pretty quickly that mummy means business
    Hugs mums can be rather blunt at times x

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    I think, even though it's a drag and there's often a tantrum involved - you've got to know when to be firm and say 'no' to your child.

    Of course it's easier to just let them do or have whatever they ask for to avoid them making a scene, but you're setting yourself up for problems with behaviour in the future.

    My DS is 3 and he can put on quite a performance when he doesn't get his way. But I'd rather put him in time out and ride out the tantrum than give in. He needs to learn that bad behaviour is not accepted or rewarded just to keep the peace.

    I think mums can be quite blunt when giving advice - she's probably just trying to help, though it probably feels like she is picking on you. Have a think about what she has said and maybe adopt some new strategies.

    As for the scenario that occurred at your mum's house - I'm not surprised that it all ended badly. Letting a kid go wild with house paint, then your mum killing the fun by trying to snatch the paint off him? He just didn't want the paint party to end

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    I know it can be easier to just ignore or cave in but really thats only at the time.

    I have 3 boys 14,9,8 and it used to be trying at times. They can be so stubborn but if I caved in I found that over time they would push farther and farther.

    Now there is no exceptions. It does not matter whose house I am at rules are rules even with my 14 year old. He was the most resistant to punishment but after a while of taking the hard line and being the mean mum it is rare I have to speak to any of them about being sensible or doing the right thing. They know the rules and know if they break them they will be punished accordingly which could be 10 minutes time out taking away something they favour to full grounding with no tv electronics or outside play for a period of time.

    It was tough to start with I wont lie but it is going to save me a lot of time and grief in the long run especially with number 4 coming.

    Don't beat yourself up you are doing the best you can and the fact you are looking for alternative answers shows you care



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    Your DS is 3 1/2... No, I don't think he was being naughty, he was doing what any 3 1/2 year-old would do being left with cans of paint on a deck!

    So her reaction was unfair IMHO.

    But yes of course children need firm discipline, and toddlerhood is where it really starts. You can discipline your child in public, without making a scene. Trust me, I do it all the time!

    You sound like a lovely mum OP. your mum may or may not have a point, I don't know you, but in all honesty it just sounds like your DS was being 1. A typical toddler and 2. Was tired.

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