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  1. #11
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    Hi Wally,

    You are very brave to be ready to go through a cycle again after your previous experience. I too cannot believe your ex blamed you
    Ike that.

    The headaches your dw is experiencing are common with syranel, I found drinking at least 2l of water a day helped. As well as Panadol or panadeine, but no nurofen. I was on 450 gonal f, which is a super high dose for slow responders. My first cycle I was really tired, but I actually found the tww was when I was at my most cranky. You just wish you had a window into your belly so you can see what is going on!

    Olive oil is right, try and laugh as much as you can. We came up with funny terms for things like egg collection was 'harvesting' and transfer was 'replanting'. I would always ask DH 'was it good for you?' After transfer to lighten the mood of being up there on the table with my legs in the air and people looking at my bits, it's funny that you don't really get embarrassed when you go to the dr on your own, but I get embarrassed when my DH is there!

    I have just remembered I had a meltdown in the hospital grounds after my second scan when I had read I should have been told I was ready for epu, but instead was told they were still small and we had to stim some more. I went outside with DH and cried and cried, telling him I was a failure, I couldn't grow eggs etc. he just sat there and listened to me rant and then asked me if I wanted to stop, it was just what I needed, his understanding and support of any decision I made.

    I wish you all the very best for the cycle. I think the first one is the hardest and if you've come through so far without too many meltdowns you're doing well! Just try and remember the love you have for your wife and what the outcome will be.

  2. #12
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    Default Latest Update

    Hello ladies, here is the latest...

    It's been a few weeks since I last communicated with you all... so here is an update on what has happened...

    DW went under anesthetic a few weeks ago and we managed to get 15 eggs harvested, 10 were viable, and only 6 embryos resulted after fertilization...

    I'm actually quite happy about this...

    However, because DW's hormone levels were off the chart, implanting one after a few days could have resulted in her being hospitalized, and we didn't want to risk it... In fact we were strongly advised by the clinic not to go ahead as yet...

    So we've been waiting for a normal period to happen after her most recent one after the egg collection... I think her levels are still delaying it... we're at day 41 today... Is it normally delayed like this...? It's most odd...

    We're still in reasonable spirits, but this delayed period stuff is a little bewildering... DW's normally around 32 days normally...

    More news as it happens...

    ~ Wally

  3. #13
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    Good on you wally, im sure many men feel like this ! I was pretty fine on the drugs and can't relate to how your x wife treated you. Well done on getting out albeit with emotional scars. i think you have to be compassionate with yourself for what you've been through. There is "getting a bit moody and stressed" and then there is plain being a biach and being disrespectful. I truly believe us women have a lot of choice over how we treat others regardless of our hormones. We still have choice. I suggest boundaries, like we do with kids who are going crazy. Letting her know what is ok and isn't. Bad hormones don't need to mean really awful treatment toward your partner. Hopefully all is ok though! Best of luck!

  4. #14
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    Default Response to Blossom1

    Hi Blossom1,

    I have to admit, my ex was a piece of work... Some few years later when I had divorced and was working for Sydney IVF briefly, one of the chief nurses took me into her office to show me the general steps of IVF as a background into some of the work I was to be doing...

    She actually noticed my expression change although I wasn't aware of it... I *had* been thinking of that time with the ex and she said to me: "You've been down this road before, haven't you?"

    I said "Yes, my ex and I underwent ICSI, and it didn't take... She blamed it on me and my cancer and the treatment I underwent to tackle it..."

    The nurse said to me "She was wrong for her to do that to you. There's no way for anyone to know the true reasons why a cycle doesn't work. But for her to blame it all on you, there's no justification..."

    I am an uncle to two nephews and three nieces either by marriage or biologically... I have five other "honorary" nephews and nieces by association... One of my honorary nieces told me recently "You'd make a great dad." All I could do is cuddle her and thank her.

    I hope that one day I can be...

    Thank for your support...

    ~ Wally

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by wallywest View Post
    Hi Blossom1,

    I have to admit, my ex was a piece of work... Some few years later when I had divorced and was working for Sydney IVF briefly, one of the chief nurses took me into her office to show me the general steps of IVF as a background into some of the work I was to be doing...

    She actually noticed my expression change although I wasn't aware of it... I *had* been thinking of that time with the ex and she said to me: "You've been down this road before, haven't you?"

    I said "Yes, my ex and I underwent ICSI, and it didn't take... She blamed it on me and my cancer and the treatment I underwent to tackle it..."

    The nurse said to me "She was wrong for her to do that to you. There's no way for anyone to know the true reasons why a cycle doesn't work. But for her to blame it all on you, there's no justification..."

    I am an uncle to two nephews and three nieces either by marriage or biologically... I have five other "honorary" nephews and nieces by association... One of my honorary nieces told me recently "You'd make a great dad." All I could do is cuddle her and thank her.

    I hope that one day I can be...

    Thank for your support...

    ~ Wally
    yep, a piece of work mate. Glad your out of it! I'm sure by what you've written and the level of thoughtfulness you have you'll be an amazing dad!!!

  6. #16
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    Here's the latest...

    MY DW has finally gotten her period after a whopping record of 51 days... Supposedly we had to wait for the first period after her initial egg collection, and then wait one more because her hormone levels were so high... DW has a blood test in a week's time to determine the stage of her readiness for implantation...

    Me, I'm somewhat relieved... I've been waiting for this to come through... I've been running around frantic wondering when it will all happen... Nothing's been... "predictable" enough... and I've gotten a little erratic as a result...

    Hoping we'll be able to celebrate in a month or so's time...

    Will let you know what happens next!

    Thanks for all your support everyone...

    ~ Wally

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to wallywest For This Useful Post:

    Albert01  (22-05-2014)

  8. #17
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    Go Wally!!! Hope you and your DW are on track soon ...

    DH and I have been through a few cycles, this is our 4th now, he is used to me stimming now and used to the 'routine of uncertainty'.... I would highly recommend relaxing massages for her either done professionally or by you as it seems to help a lot with stress etc. You should get one too if you're feeling overwhelmed at any point. Yoga and walks on the beach also work well.

    best of luck

  9. #18
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    Sadly, this first cycle didn't take... DW still ended up having her period after implantation... She's... "disappointed" about it all... I'm probably more so... My wife, you see, is emotionally resilient... Me, I wear my heart on my sleeve... Trying to get her to open up about it has been difficult as she has told me that her being cool, calm and collected about it all is how she copes... It's kinda like I've married a female Vulcan...

    I know that the odds are initially stacked up against us... lt's kinda the luck of the roll, isn't it? I think we're trying again next cycle with a possible implantation of both of the remaining embryos, or possibly the one... I'm not sure... though there has been some talk about the possibility of the double implantation... I've been told that if one is stronger than the other, implanting the two of them increases the chance of the stronger one; even though it also increases the likelihood of twins? Can someone please clarify this for me?

    I've had some flashbacks of my "previous" experience with ICSI from my previous marriage... and although this time around this failed cycle didn't start off a similar chain reaction of events that resulted in my marriage ending like it did in my first marriage... in the back of my mind I still worry about how I, how we, will get through all of this...

    ~ Wally

  10. #19
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    Hi Wally

    *edited to add, I just realised your first post was from a few months ago, but I'll leave my post here incase it still helps*

    I have not been through IVF so I can't comment specifically on the mood swings your wife might go through there, but I would just like to comment on the handling of mood swings.

    It sounds like you were quite traumatised by the way your ex handled the situation and the way she reacted to her mood swings (which sound fairly extreme - screaming insults and taking off to stay with her mother when it should have been a shared grief situation between the two of you wouldn't be ok in my book.)

    BUT, just remember, different people handle mood swings, trying times and stress differently. My ex husband was a "fly off the handle, throw things, scream and swear in my face" type person when things got tough. If we argued or disagreed - he would rant and rave around the house. My now husband is completely different. He is the softly spoken "hey, that hurt when you said that, I'm feeling upset and anxious here too" type person. I had a time of quite extreme hormones that wouldn't settle down for several months after coming off birth control, I just made sure I always told him how I was feeling. If I got overly upset about something that wasn't a big deal, he didn't inflame the situation, and, if I cried, he just sat there and comforted me. We then laughed about how silly it all was.

    The one piece of advice I could give you is not to let your previous story rule this one. For the first two years of my relationship with my now husband I noticed that when he would do something small that would in any way remind me of a situation with my ex husband, my brain would immediately leap there and I would become defensive and upset. (For example: if my now husband swore in anger (even if it wasn't at me) my brain would immediately remember what used to happen when my ex husband started screaming obscenities -and that it would be followed up with objects being hurled around the room and him slamming the front door as he drove off, not to be seen for days. I shared this information with my husband and he will now always make sure he doesn't swear in front of me, because he knows it is a trigger for me. Also, I realised I would get furiously angry if I thought I was going to cry. My ex used to hurl abuse at me and tell me I was stupid if I cried. My husband now would never do that. But it took a long time for me to be able to remember that each time I felt upset). I had to train my brain to know that what it was really reacting to was the old story. He has similar things that set his brain into the same mindset too because of his ex. It was by telling these stories to each other and relating why certain things made us react strongly, that we were able to help each other through them.

    If you are able (and if you haven't already) to lay your fears out for your wife and talk about how it affected you before, you might be able to let her know that you are worried certain types of reactions might trigger a painful memory for you, and that won't necessarily be her fault, but you are worried you might not handle them very well, due to past hurt. That way you might be able to come up with a few ways you can both work on not having your previous experience dictate your new experience. (like you have said you will have a key sentence and go away for half an hour - I think that's a great idea)

    Good luck with everything, hope it all goes well for you

  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    Hi Wally

    *edited to add, I just realised your first post was from a few months ago, but I'll leave my post here incase it still helps*

    I have not been through IVF so I can't comment specifically on the mood swings your wife might go through there, but I would just like to comment on the handling of mood swings.

    It sounds like you were quite traumatised by the way your ex handled the situation and the way she reacted to her mood swings (which sound fairly extreme - screaming insults and taking off to stay with her mother when it should have been a shared grief situation between the two of you wouldn't be ok in my book.)

    BUT, just remember, different people handle mood swings, trying times and stress differently. My ex husband was a "fly off the handle, throw things, scream and swear in my face" type person when things got tough. If we argued or disagreed - he would rant and rave around the house. My now husband is completely different. He is the softly spoken "hey, that hurt when you said that, I'm feeling upset and anxious here too" type person. I had a time of quite extreme hormones that wouldn't settle down for several months after coming off birth control, I just made sure I always told him how I was feeling. If I got overly upset about something that wasn't a big deal, he didn't inflame the situation, and, if I cried, he just sat there and comforted me. We then laughed about how silly it all was.

    The one piece of advice I could give you is not to let your previous story rule this one. For the first two years of my relationship with my now husband I noticed that when he would do something small that would in any way remind me of a situation with my ex husband, my brain would immediately leap there and I would become defensive and upset. (For example: if my now husband swore in anger (even if it wasn't at me) my brain would immediately remember what used to happen when my ex husband started screaming obscenities -and that it would be followed up with objects being hurled around the room and him slamming the front door as he drove off, not to be seen for days. I shared this information with my husband and he will now always make sure he doesn't swear in front of me, because he knows it is a trigger for me. Also, I realised I would get furiously angry if I thought I was going to cry. My ex used to hurl abuse at me and tell me I was stupid if I cried. My husband now would never do that. But it took a long time for me to be able to remember that each time I felt upset). I had to train my brain to know that what it was really reacting to was the old story. He has similar things that set his brain into the same mindset too because of his ex. It was by telling these stories to each other and relating why certain things made us react strongly, that we were able to help each other through them.

    If you are able (and if you haven't already) to lay your fears out for your wife and talk about how it affected you before, you might be able to let her know that you are worried certain types of reactions might trigger a painful memory for you, and that won't necessarily be her fault, but you are worried you might not handle them very well, due to past hurt. That way you might be able to come up with a few ways you can both work on not having your previous experience dictate your new experience. (like you have said you will have a key sentence and go away for half an hour - I think that's a great idea)

    Good luck with everything, hope it all goes well for you
    great advice right there!!

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to blossom1 For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (25-06-2014)


 

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