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  1. #11
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    Yeah... as I said not all mums I've known are frazzled and depressed through AP, some are truly amazing mums that I admire how well its working for them, I was simply curious as to what makes the difference between those who are calm and happy with AP to those who become resentful and drained I guess... And maybe one of those factors is ensuring you have enough support and downtime?

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by fullofhope View Post
    Yeah... as I said not all mums I've known are frazzled and depressed through AP, some are truly amazing mums that I admire how well its working for them, I was simply curious as to what makes the difference between those who are calm and happy with AP to those who become resentful and drained I guess... And maybe one of those factors is ensuring you have enough support and downtime?
    I never really had support, not from a husband anyway. I think what has made me increasingly successful as a mother (if I do say so myself ), is confidence in my decisions. I have basically parented pretty much the same way with all three kids, but the main difference is instead of wanting to do what *I* want and having everyone else bully me into trying things that make me stressed and unhappy, now I just do it. I think with my first, I did what I just mentioned- I had things that I felt were what suited us, but everyone else said it was all wrong and that I *must* do it another way, so I would try and end up miserable. I can see how that would make a parent frazzled and resentful, if you have the whole world telling you that your baby should be alone for x amount of hours per day etc.
    With my second, I did it my way mostly, but felt ashamed and like a trouble maker, so I kept everything secret and didn't open up about my parenting.
    With my third, I very bluntly TOLD everyone about my parenting decisions, very confidently and with no hesitation. Then everyone realised that I knew what I was doing and that I was happy, and that in turn made me happy that people finally had confidence in me and it reinforced that what I was doing was right for us.

    I don't know if that seems like it makes a difference to your parenting, but IMO it does, if you are confident in yourself and are able to shut out the busybodies, then you get less stressed? Don't know if I'm making sense...

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  4. #13
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    I won't lie. It was/is exhausting but I wouldn't change a thing!

    What I learnt;
    1. Okay is good enough
    2. It's SO MUCH EASIER to do what bub wants, when bub wants, trying to Denie them food/stretch their feeds out, sleep when you say sleep and do it yourself.. Is SO much more stressful then just doing what bub wants.

    Baby wearing us easier then stopping what your doing 20 times a day to go and pick bub up.

    Demand feeding us so much easier then watching the clock & trying to comfort baby when they want a feed & it's not time yet

    Co sleeping is so much easier then getting up 7 times a night to comfort bub.

    Even without DHs support, it was easier for me & DD to AP.

    I mean the above statements with no disrespect to people who don't AP, these were my experiences when u tried to go against my instincts.

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  6. #14
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by fullofhope View Post
    I've known many (definitely not all!) natural/attachment parents who by 12 to 18 months feel and look utterly exhausted, frustrated and run down... they start to be resentful and respond with much less patience towards their little ones and many end up with depression and anxiety...

    How do you keep some sort of balance and not lose yourself in giving all to your little one?

    I realise support will be a huge factor and not feeling isolated or trying to keep my expectations up too high but any tips for taking the pressure off and not feeling suffocated?

    How often do you get some down time when you're breast feeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing?
    I've never really felt that way, I do have days where I feel a bit like I want to be left the **** alone but I don't think it is any different to any other parent.

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  8. #15
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    I have ap for 20 years. I just found it is what works for us. I have bad days like any mum but it is just that a bad day.

    Tips I have are simple. Find what works for you and your baby remembering that every baby is different. There are no set rules in this parenting gig.

    Edited to add. I have support from dh but never any away from kids time.

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  10. #16
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    I love this question, good on you for asking it!

    My best friend and I both had babies at the same time, both were big believers in attachment parenting, and both were really frazzled at different times during the first two years. However we are both perfectionists and had wakeful babies and I think this was what made it hard. It's hard trying to be a perfect parent every second of every day, and sometimes that striving actually resulted in worse parenting, as you've hinted at with your comment.

    I have just had my second and really don't want to be so worn out. This means giving the baby to my husband as often as I can, so HE can bond too and I can have some space. I am also more aware this time of what is just normal baby sounds, not I'm-in-desperate-need-of-you-mummy sounds, so I'm not as quick to jump to EVERYTHING. And I know this time around that loving and connecting is about awareness and responsiveness and that he WILL be ok if I have a shower or do something for myself for 5 minutes before attending to him sometimes - otherwise I will end up angry and resentful. SOME space for myself, OCCASIONALLY, will make me a more attached parent rather than an angry burnt out one.

    Still completely committed to Attachment Parenting, just learning what makes ME the best mum possible, and that is being a bit more forgiving and kind to myself.

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  12. #17
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Awesome question. My bub is one so I'm getting to that super exhausted side you're talking about. I live by the motto "do what you want until it stops working, then do something else".

    For example, co sleep and feeding throughout the night was working great for us until recently. Then dp said that it isn't working for her anymore, because our son is quite restless and disruptive. So we're changing it. We are changing it slowly, I am slowly night weaning and gently changing his sleep routine.

    I still consider myself an attachment parent, so my methods are slower and probably less effective that others out there, but I'm the one who has to live with it.

    I wouldn't change a thing though. Even knowing what I know now

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  14. #18
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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    I wonder if the parents the op refers to are run down by 12-18 months because of parenting style or because the amount of change that goes on up to and into toddlerhood?

    Toddlers from 12-18 months have just got a hang of crawling/walking/running, they are working on communication but have a long way to go, they are often too young to toliet train and are still very much dependent on their parents for a lot of things! No wonder parents are exhausted! And if you are still bfing then that can be quite draining especially if you don't maintain healthy diet and obviously takes more energy than weaned bubs (i'm assuming attachment parents will bf longer).

    Just a thought.

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    Last edited by AdornedWithCats; 22-11-2014 at 19:49.

  15. #19
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    I have only read the OP no replies;

    Tbh, I didn't get any 'me time' until DD was 4.. Which she is now.. & I struggle some days.

    But I didn't 'attachment parent' DD, dd attachment mummied me & I just went with it.

    She was/is so high needs that wearing her, sleeping with her etc was the only way I got any me time. She would scream the house down when she was not 'on' me. So wearing her was less stress (I just couldn't listen to her scream)

    And she still sleeps on top of me.. Still working on getting her OFF me, let alone out of the bed.

    Do I love it? No.
    Do I feel suffocated? Most of the time
    Do I always keep my cool? No

    Things I've found that help;
    1 day a week/me time/out of the house with no kids.

    Think about all the things they used to do that they don't do anymore (ie wake you up all night)

    Helps you appreciate the time you have with them. They won't always be little. Love. Be patient & Give yourself permission to screw up, u r human x


 

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