+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,465
    Thanks
    575
    Thanked
    597
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default How do you support someone when you don't agree with what they're doing?

    As in, listen when someone is venting to you. I'm sick of nodding and being understanding, when they don't do anything to change what it is they are venting about. I want to support them but it's really taking a toll on me and our relationship.

    Do I just suck it up and continue to tell them what they obviously want to hear?

    Do I tell them what I really think? (Semi tried that once and it ended in a fight).

    What would you do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I tend to give them a wide berth for a while.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    777
    Thanks
    339
    Thanked
    326
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm straight up and say something like "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Then tell them to make changes or quit whining. You shouldn't have to take it upon your shoulders. Those types of people just wear you down!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,705
    Thanks
    9,557
    Thanked
    12,687
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    It depends how long your history is/how good a friend you are.

    If it was my lifelong bestie, I would just listen and sometimes wriggle some generic examples/references into the conversation that may help her think about her situation.

    If it was someone who I wasn't that close with I would probably change the subject, say something like "would you like an objective opinion?..." Or avoid them.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    665
    Thanks
    624
    Thanked
    265
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I had this with a long time friend and it was hard. Eventually I started making gentle suggestions on how she could help improve the situation and to my surprise she did listen. I think she needed to be at a point she was sick of it as well and wanted to change or try something different

    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    403
    Thanks
    105
    Thanked
    167
    Reviews
    0
    I had a friend like this it got so much we r no longer friends and we were best friends... It got to the point where she didn't care about anything going on in my life just how **** her bf was and how unhappy she was

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    287
    Thanks
    74
    Thanked
    111
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by grooviechic35 View Post
    I had a friend like this it got so much we r no longer friends and we were best friends... It got to the point where she didn't care about anything going on in my life just how **** her bf was and how unhappy she was
    Yes me too, my ex best friend was like this also. It was all about her problems with her being alone, her being overweight, her self esteem.It did matter what I said or how much I tried to support her she never did anything to help herself. This went on for years, so mentally exhausting.

    Sent from my GT-I9210T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Nikita333; 15-02-2014 at 22:26.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,465
    Thanks
    575
    Thanked
    597
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Mentally exhausting, yep that's a good way to put it.

    What if this person is your DH? How would you react then?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,202
    Thanks
    1,702
    Thanked
    2,424
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I believe it is possible to support the person without supporting the behaviour, if you know what I mean. Some people just need to work through things at their own pace.

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to RipperRita For This Useful Post:

    My Beloved Ones  (15-02-2014),twotrunks  (16-02-2014)

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,360
    Thanks
    2,565
    Thanked
    3,780
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I once had to suggest to a friend that we didn't talk about a particular person because 1. It upset her so much every time she spoke about them and 2. The situation wasn't going to change so there was no point continuously bringing up the same thing and getting upset about it over and over again (i was hearing about this person most days!). So perhaps if you struggle to be supportive, you could suggest that the topic is avoided...


 

Similar Threads

  1. NT scan, Hubby and I can't agree
    By DewDanni in forum Pregnancy Tests & Help / Support with Results
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 27-01-2014, 09:21
  2. *Spin Off* Do you agree with 'Mandatory Reporting'?
    By Lillynix in forum General Chat
    Replies: 80
    Last Post: 22-10-2013, 18:10
  3. Can't agree who to leave kids to if we both die!!! Anyone a lawyer?
    By CleverClogs in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 30-05-2013, 10:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Nice Pak Products
Australian Made and Owned. The Baby U Goat Milk Skincare range is enriched with soothing goats milk sourced from country, Victoria. Goat's milk has a pH level close to that of our own skin and contains natural sources of amino acids and vitamins.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Heinz Baby Basics
Our BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our brilliant colours, inspired designs and innovative features. Heinz Baby Basics caters for your baby’s needs!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!