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  1. #21
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    Your hubby sounds like my dad: a sexist pig. For me it only ended when I grew older and grew the balls to stand up to him (eg "you've got two hands make your own sandwich").

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  3. #22
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    Yeah, I'd probably want to punch him in the face (calm down everyone, I'm not advocating violence!) after reminding him its not the 1950's. I would simply strike & see what happens then, but that's not conducive to resolution.

    Write down what you do every day & the time that it takes you. Present it to him & see what he says once he realises the effort you put in.

    I am a firm believer in equality in a relationship & fairness with contributions to parenting & managing the household. I would put my foot down if I was you & demand he helps his own family in ways additional to the financial contribution. He sounds incredibly inconsiderate to not allow you 1hrs sleep!

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  5. #23
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    I'm sorry but he sounds like a lazy controlling pig. I would leave him. He won't change. He obviously cares more about a clean house than you or your children, how crazy is that...

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  7. #24
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    I only have ONE child and she can trash the house within a second of it being sparkling lol, your husband is kidding himself!!!!!!! Let him have a go of your job and see how he goes 😉 so hard done by going to work...boo hoo 😏 he's stuck in the 1950's obviously!! Parenting 3 young children would be a tough gig, I admire you for putting up with your 4th lazy whinging child!!!!
    Last edited by Gracie's Mum; 15-02-2014 at 13:19.

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  9. #25
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    I know mostly men work and that's a contribution but honestly can't understand the lack of support and understanding so many women cop from their husbands when they have children. How on earth can he go out and not change a single thing about his life and habits meanwhile you are required to become a subservient housemaid/nanny and not afforded any consideration at all to your needs as a person in your own right? Obviously he sees his own need to go out and do what he wants when he wants is important, essential even. I just have trouble understanding how he came to the thinking that you don't want or need to have some time too?? Not that it matters really why, just the lack of empathy would really knaw at me if I had to put up with that complete and utter ****e. OP what does he ever do for you? Is there anything? Or does he pretty much just please himself and complain about your housekeeping (and I imagine, expects you to sleep with him at the drop of a hat no matter how hurtful he's been?).. I don't have any advice that hasn't been offered already. I'm just adding my voice to the others that believe he is treating you harshly and unfairly. You're not a bottomless pit of love and devotion. He can't keep taking without giving or you will wind up drained emotionally with nothing left for him, if you don't already. This treatment will erode your relationship over time. He seems to be continually taking from you and making you feel bad and not really putting anything into your relationship at all. He better snap out of it of he will end up with more than a few things out of place to worry about.
    Last edited by KaraB; 15-02-2014 at 13:27.

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  11. #26
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    Thanks Jungle Mum, at least I'm not the only one wanting to punch his face, after a week of very little sleep, due to the 2 babies both having bad nights and no sleep last night, I was ready to punch him!
    I'm starting to think I should be just getting ready to walk out the door, but I fear for the unknown of what he could be capable of, I know that I if I took the kids down south to my parents he would court order them back, but if I stayed up here he would probably have nothing to do with them.
    No offence to any single parents out there, but I told him that's what I basically feel like, I get no emotional support, no help around the home, all he gives me is financial help, and I have to do absolutely everything for him. And that I would be better living as a single parent cause they don't have the added stress of wondering what their partner is going to come home and say or judge my performance as a mum or house cleaner and then run around for them.
    Wonder what he is going to say when he finds out I haven't lifted a finger since he walked out the door this morning, thou I really should start washing all the clothes and bed stuff from last night, and re mop the floor to make sure it's germ free

  12. #27
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    That's the thing isn't it? You sound anxious already and you are trying to keep up with his demands but it's not good enough for him. So what's the point in trying when you are beaten down with criticism the second he walks in the door? I bet you get a sick feeling in your stomach when you hear him coming arriving home in anticipation of his complaining, I know I would

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  14. #28
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    Does he ever say 'thank you' when he sits down to a meal you've prepared or picks up the bags you've packed for him? Is there any gratitude at all or just expectation?

    Do you ever do anything together like watch a movie and have a laugh when the kids are in bed?

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  16. #29
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    On I've been there! My husband has given up mostly, after I just kept telling him to shut up basically.
    If this is the only sticking point in your relationship, maybe try get some counselling over it or if it sits ok with you as it did with me, nag back at him to stop nagging you.
    After a while he will likely get sick if it. Don't act a cow, just calmly tell him it's not up for discussion and start asking him to do things to help you as you need it. Keep asking.
    Just cos he works doesn't mean he can't help you raise his kids and keep up the house nice.
    What about two working outside the home parents? Who's doing all the work there? Yours is a full time job with no specific days off.
    Just keep hammering it home to him.
    I still have disagreements with my dh over it. He seems to think his days off work are days off life. He has a FIFO job, 10 on 4 off. I know what he's capable of ding to help and I won't take his crap.
    It's his house and family too!

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  18. #30
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    He sounds like a total pig.

    I don't want this to come out wrong so please know it comes from a place of love and support....

    He can only get to you if believe him. So, i want you to look at your life and your house and ask yourself if you believe him. If you don't...then ignore him.

    He cannot make you do everything for him...simply stop doing it. Don't cook for him or clean for him....let him do his own stuff. Don't give in when he sooks or carries on...don't take it on board when he tries to give you a hard time.

    When we marry and love someone...it is not supposed to be conditional. He is not loving towards you "unless"...and for me, until that "unless" goes away and he starts being loving and supportive and kind...i would not be loving and kind towards him. He says "it is part of having kids"...well, he has kids too and therefore should also be held to the same standard.

    Huge hugs, my ex-h was abusive in a similar way. I was so anxious before he used to come home and hates all the snide comments. One day, i finally realised that i didn't care what he though...what i cared about is the way i had let him change the way I felt about myself. So, i stopped listening to him and found a way to be happy. We broke up and he said one of the reasons he shagged his secretary was because "she is better at doing what she is told when i tell her"...well, that worked for me in the long run as my now DH loves me and respects me and it is not conditional...he loves me when the house is a mess, when i am a mess and also when both are looking shmick!

    Hugs

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